The Lake House
by quietdrabble
Summary: Life turned out nothing like expected for Isabella Marie. A trip to Seattle, she can't explain, led her to buy a book she'll never read, a book she could have easily written because she was there sixteen years ago. Memories morph into reality again when Isabella is finally faced with the ghost of her past. Will she find the answers she seeks, or will disappointment lie ahead?
1. Green

**Twilight and the characters belong to SM. I own the crazy inside my head and all mistakes. **

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**The Lake House**

**Prologue**

**Green**

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Swoosh.

Trickle.

Flick.

Drip, drip, drip.

I repeated the motion with my foot, staring up aimlessly at the natural light filtering down from above the opulent tub located within the boutique hotel in Seattle. The water no longer ran warm with the flick of my toe. It was hard to tell, but I'd most likely been at it for well over an hour or however long it took to consume three quarters of a bottle of champagne all by myself and run the water to a chill in a posh hotel: Hotel Monaco, located in the heart of The Emerald City. Emerald. Green. How ironically haunting. Once upon a time it was my make believe favorite color turned actual favorite color.

The champagne seemed like a perfect gift upon my arrival, but I'd made the mistake of checking out a few sights before fully retiring to my room; a pit stop only to take care of necessities after my flight arrived was when I'd originally labeled the offending bottle perfect. Now nearly empty, it taunted me. Perfect. I knew perfect once, but it had been fleeting at best.

Perfect. "Pshh," I made the sound with my lips, blowing out a breath of air, then wondered how one spelled that sound exactly. I did this from time to time, got wound up inside my own head over such nonsense. Especially when I wanted to flee from the incomprehensible reality that hovered.

After all these years to see his face again, even if only plastered on signage, slightly aged, saddened, and mercurial—some things never change—but impossibly gorgeous nonetheless. He was somewhere in this Emerald City at least temporarily. Once again we were sharing air, though I was sure he had no clue, no indication of this fact.

We are who we are, or so they say, but how do we become who we are—exactly? How does it happen? I had an idyllic childhood with a myriad of happy moments. I'd envisioned growing up and being just as happy, until one summer everything changed. One single summer set the course for my life today, I suppose.

It was the summer before the start of my sophomore year. The summer at the lake house.

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**A/N *waves* **

**This will be a full length fic not a drabble this is only an introduction. Most chapters will fall between 3,000 and 5,000 words unless I get even more wordy (ya never know). The way I planned the story there will be a little past and present tango (but not every chapter and each transition will be clearly marked for less confusion) until we reach the present moment in the story and approach the end. All the present moments will be drabblish and all past will be full length chapters until they converge. ****  
**

**I only plan on updating once a week unless there happens to be a present-day (drabblish) chapter then you will get two updates that week. So each week you will get substance. Make sense?**

**As always I am happy to answer any questions or chat just send me a PM or find me on twitter or FB (links on profile page).**

**Hope you all like this one. Thanks for reading!**

**~quiet**


	2. On The Dock

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 1**

**On The Dock**

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Thirteen was a milestone, the first of many to come. Though at the time, I didn't think about the future, beyond gossamer daydreams. Never thought about how fast it all would come and go, how fast life would evaporate before my very eyes and with it all matter of happiness to be had. At thirteen I was an official teenager and disgustingly naive in most matters of all things teenaged related. Many milestones that followed paled in comparison to the bliss of my naiveté.

It was the following summer, the summer of 1997, when we went to the lake for two weeks. Two solid weeks—unheard of for us—of tubing, grilling, campfires and laughter. We had this tiny lake house, more like a shack really, but we hardly ever stayed more than a night or two at a time. For some reason that summer, the summer I was fourteen almost fifteen, it felt more like an enchanted castle than a lake shack. Perhaps it was my clouded perception at the time; everything about that summer remained a little foggy, laced with a silver lining of melancholy.

With my freshman year proudly behind me, the energy of that electric summer sizzled around me; I tingled with anticipation for the unknown adventures that lay ahead. I'd felt so grown up. Everything would change from that moment on, petrified in form and cemented in my mind.

My innocence drowned that summer.

Jasper, my brother, my best friend in the entire world and my hero, was a week away from his seventeenth birthday. Outwardly, we were opposites. He was tall and lanky compared to my short frame and newly formed curves. His hair was blonde with a natural wave and his eyes a beautiful blue, whereas I had long, straight brown hair and ordinary, matching eyes. Jasper was easygoing and affable; his smile would warm your soul. I was his introverted counterpart and quietly contemplative for the most part. I took more after Dad, we had our moments of witty genius but were content to avoid the limelight. But around Jasper, I too shone. He brought out the best in me. His bubbly presence was as contagious as Mom's always was.

I remember how excited we both were at the prospect of kicking around and enjoying the lake for an entire two weeks with Mom and Dad. We were the all American family—and truly happy, fleeting as it was. When we pulled into the gravel drive of the tiny lake cottage that summer, we were all rendered momentarily speechless. It had been just under a year since any of us had been out to the lake and apparently you could build an honest to goodness lake mansion in that amount of time. Not referring to our shack of course, it remained the same in all of its broken-down glory, but it turns out we had new neighbors.

Charlie, our dad, raised a lone eyebrow and cleared his throat. I still remember the way Dad's mustache would twitch when he was processing something—anything. Then Renee, our omniscient mother, placed a gentle hand on Dad's shoulder, her blue eyes twinkling and spoke.

"Looks like we have some new neighbors. Let's get inside and pull out the blender, my famous margaritas are foolproof, and a great icebreaker, sure to knock their socks off!" Turning her red-lipped smile to us, her laughter ensued. The laughter, which Jasper inherited along with his eyes, filled the car and our hearts with love. Dad glanced at her adoringly. I would never forget the look he held in his eyes that day. They truly loved each other.

Though I didn't know it at the time, looking back, Mom's unsophisticated innocence is probably the only thing we shared.

Following true to suit, Jasper had hollered out as he helped Dad with the bags. "Maybe they have some kids our age, better mix a big batch, Mom."

"Nice try my handsome son, but no dice. I'll whip up a virgin batch for you, or I could make you a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers—like when you were little. You used to ask for extra cherries. Remember? How 'bout you, Bella?" Mom called to the rear of the car and then back towards me.

Jasper mumbled something about being almost seventeen and cherries under his breath and lugged the bags inside with Dad.

"Er, I'm good." I still remember the heat that crept up my neck from the use of the word virgin and cherries in the same breath, causing me to blush profusely. My naiveté knew no shame, for it broke out and left its mark often back then. Did I mention I was extremely private, and I'd just started my first period the summer before? Any indirect reference to womanhood back then still made me ridiculously uncomfortable. I'd felt as if my monthly gift came complete with neon signage that read "Woman" in strobe lit lettering. Although at the time, I had no real clue what that actually meant except for a disgusting inconvenience once a month. Granted, I _knew _about the 'birds and the bees' (as I took to calling it because even the word _sex_ felt taboo) but the reality of what that word meant baffled my impressionable mind and intrigued me simultaneously.

"You okay, Bella?" Mom stepped closer and lowered her voice. She always knew what Dad and I were thinking even if we failed to articulate our thoughts. Jasper clearly had no problems articulating anything. Her sixth sense was what held our family together.

"I'm fine, Mom. Just glad we're here, you know." I tugged my lip to the side and stuffed my hands as deep as I could into the itty bitty pockets of my cutoff shorts. She wrapped her arm around me and led us into the house on the lake.

"All right. Help me in the kitchen, sweetie?" she prompted.

I smiled and nodded my response as I breathed in her subtle linen fragrance.

Half an hour later, Mom and Dad walked over to the lake mansion with neon cocktails in an oversized, plastic pitcher. I was mortified for them. I'm not sure what I thought people in mansions drank, but I was fairly sure they did not use plastic, ever. My raging hormones had a hand in all my dramatics back then.

Jasper and I had thrown on suits and headed down to the water's edge, peering back from time to time, hoping to catch a glimpse of our new neighbors. Someone opened the door, only we couldn't see who, and Mom and Dad had disappeared inside—for hours. Seemed as if Mom's concoction was acceptable to the mansion dwellers after all.

Down at the dock, Jasper and I dangled our feet and joked about ascots and dressing gowns. We were clueless back then, but Mom liked old movies so that was all we had to go on. In those old movies wealthy people, wore, spoke and did all sorts of things regular people did not. Though our curiosity had quickly turned to boredom and our conversation took another direction.

"Well, you survived your freshman year, so the way I see it I'm honor bound to teach you a few things this summer," Jasper announced.

I eyed my brother. "Really, because you're a seasoned sage now? Who's going to bestow all of his wise knowledge on to me."

"Lesson one: you're a smart-ass. No one likes a smart-ass girl."

"Just to be clear, what you're saying is boys prefer dumb girls."

"What? No. I'm pretty sure I didn't even mention guys, and frankly I don't think you should either. Bells, guys are trouble. Trust me."

"So I should trust you, a boy, who's entreating me to not trust others of his own kind?"

"God, you're such a smart-ass. Lesson two: typical teenagers don't use words like bestow and entreating." He shook his head as his carefree laughter surrounded us.

"Well, it's a good thing I couldn't care less about what guys think, and furthermore I'm not a typical anything. I'm just me, and you love that I'm a smart-ass. I guess being myself isn't so bad after all." I flashed a quick grin.

"I never said not to be you. Just … just forget it." His voice fell away, and the playful banter came to a halt.

"What?" I nudged his shoulder as we sat on the edge of the dock.

"Na. I said forget it."

"Now you're acting like a dumb girl." I smiled.

"Damn, you're right. Look, Bells … guys can be assholes all right? And It's not all rainbows and unicorns and shit. I think you should know, guys are mainly interested in one thing."

"Uh … thanks, but I don't really need the birds and the bees talk. I'm good."

"It's not birds and bees, Bells. It's—" I could sense Jasper's struggle with the direction of our conversation and my own blush rising to the surface.

"Jazz, seriously you warning me about other boys is sweet but weird, and it seems a bit hypocritical. You know that right?" Jasper was no stranger to the girls in our school.

"Shit, I know. Ah, just forget it. How about we talk about something else?"

Thankfully Jasper had seemed as embarrassed as I was. "Um, okay."

Only then we were silent.

"So I think we should get drunk together this summer," Jasper proclaimed.

I gave him a brief side-eye. "I'll pass thanks."

"Bells, someone should teach you."

"Teach me to drink? I'm fairly certain Mom gave me a rainbow sippy-cup when I was like eleven months old, and I've mastered that skill already, but thanks."

"Bells, be serious. You can't go to your first party never having consumed alcohol before, trust me."

"Again with the blind faith."

"You know, on second thought, I think you're gonna be fine. Let's just forget this entire conversation."

"Done," I declared, and then we were laughing so hard I couldn't catch my breath and tears were streaming down my face—when I'd first noticed him.

Suddenly everything seemed less farcical and far more consequential. I would never forget the first time we met. As my eyes raked over him—every inch of him—the color slowly drained from my face, and my skin had suddenly erupted into a million little receptors, tuned-in only to him. He was—beautiful, breathtakingly so—standing on the dock. Absolutely stunning to the senses.

In that moment I reverted to the contemplative Bella. The Bella that others knew me as, the one who kept all her thoughts to herself.

"Hey, what's up? I'm Jasper and this is my sister, Bella. Haven't seen you around here before," Jasper said, always taking the initiative.

I remained speechless.

"Yeah, first time here. How about you?" The beautiful boy spoke and fondled his consonants as he did.

"Na. We come here several times every year, but usually just overnight. We're in for two weeks this go around though. You?"

"Cool. We've recently moved here, but we're still looking for a house in town, so we're going to stay at the lake for a while. I'm Edward by the way." His eyes locked with mine and held me in an intense gaze. A gaze that held a playful fire—if you played with fire you were bound to get burned—I knew this, but I didn't heed the warning, nor did I look away.

Back then, boys didn't look at me. But that boy—that beautiful boy was looking, and it became physically impossible for me to turn away. I was most likely the shade of a girl who had been in the sun for far too long already, but I couldn't stop staring.

Edward sat down on the edge of the dock beside Jasper and they quickly slipped into an easy conversation, trading stories of favorite pastimes, sports and music. They talked a lot about music. I finally looked away, deciding the ends of my hair were an acceptable distraction for my hands. I feigned interest in twirling the tips of my hair (like a moron or worse like a stupid girl) and hung on every word that left the blushed-lipped boy. He was fascinating. He'd traveled to foreign countries. He enjoyed hiking, reading, music, and loved the water. I'd inwardly given a sigh when he said he'd just recently turned seventeen a few days ago and was starting his senior year in the fall, the same as Jasper.

It was kind of depressing to learn the last detail, because it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out, the amazingly magnificent specimen who was almost a senior would most likely want to have nothing to do with a dorky, introspective, secret smart-ass, soon-to-be sophomore like me, but I didn't dwell on that fact. Instead, I hung on every word and savored every facet Edward shared about himself. Jasper kept him talking, so I was content to just listen and observe.

I'd snuck several glances his way, noticing his youthful maleness twist and stretch as he spoke with his hands. His skin was obviously no stranger to the sun, at least judging from his face, neck, forearms and legs. I had checked them all out. I'd stared at his profile throughout the afternoon from behind the blanket of my long hair, allowing myself little rewards, my eyes roamed further and watched his perfect lips move, only when I was sure he wasn't looking. He would flash a casual smile in my direction from time to time which did inexplicable things to my insides. Deep down inside, the bees were buzzing.

I was oblivious at the time, as to what his smile was truly capable of coercing.

We'd finally decided to abandon our perch on the dock in favor of getting wet for a bit. When the blush-lipped boy reached behind himself to tug his shirt off over his head, like only boys can do, I was transfixed. Never had a boy shrugging off his shirt interested me before. It wasn't the fact he was revealing bare skin, as much as it was each distinct movement he made in the process, his arms, his abs, his shoulders. Mesmerizing.

The way the collar of his T-shirt snagged his shiny hair in the front held my attention, but every tweak and torque of his lean muscles made my mouth go dry. His collar had made his hair impossibly messier, catching the sun, displaying several shades from gold to red and brown. None more dominate than the others, all mingling together to create the perfect shade of living autumn.

I'd never seen a boy like him before.

As Jasper and Edward raced off the dock and cannon-balled into the warm lake water all my senses exploded in that moment, sending aftershocks through my system. Flushed excitement and heat spread through me like wildfire.

"Hey Bells, you coming in? Or you gonna make me come and get ya?" Jasper hollered.

I took a quick mental inventory of the particular bikini I'd chosen to wear under my faded orange T-shirt. Usually I'd never stopped to consider my attire, but in mere moments of that boy's presence, I had become like all the girls at school—the stupid ones, the ones I could hardly tolerate.

I'd never understood anything typical girls in my grade did back then, but in one single moment, stranded on the dock at the lake house, however, I tried to recall every conversation Jessica and Lauren had ever had about color, cut and a boy's preference in swimwear on a girl. _Would mine be considered appealing—to the boy who fondled his consonants when he spoke? _

"Earth to Bella? You swimming or what?" Jasper called to me again before addressing Edward. "Dude, she's really a sweet kid, but she gets lost inside her head a lot."

As I realized what Jasper was saying to Edward, it made me even more self-conscious, and I was curious as to how long I'd been debating my dark blue bikini. When I looked up, _he_ was smiling at me again. I lowered my head, gathering some semblance of inner strength, and took a deep breath, chanting to myself. "You can do this." Tugging off my favorite orange T-shirt, I slipped my shorts down over my slender hips and took off over the edge of the dock in one fail swoop. The last thing I saw before I was enveloped in the murky warmth of the lake water was the green of _his_ eyes and how they seemed so brilliant in the afternoon sun.

When I came up for air, the boys were taunting and splashing water at each other arguing about musical preferences. Jasper had a thing for Nine Inch Nails and Metallica whereas Edward mentioned groups I'd never heard of like The Charlatans, Radiohead and The Verve. Jasper agreed to listen to some other stuff later with Edward, while I was content to listen to the sound of Edward's voice.

We jumped from the dock, swam, and laughed as we lapped up the rest of the afternoons rays on the water. I noticed with every glance I'd steal of the entrancing boy throughout the afternoon, he was staring at me a time or two as well. His stare made me tingle all the way to my petal painted toes.

"Bells, Jazz," Dad called from our small porch as the sun was moving lower.

"We gotta go. Guess, we'll see you tomorrow?" Jasper offered.

"Oh. Okay, yeah. See ya." Edward's noncommittal reply almost sounded like disappointment, which was somehow comforting. Not that I wanted him to be sad, but I secretly hoped it was because he wanted to spend more time with _me—_being the great conversationalist such as I was, I hadn't said two words to him all afternoon—my hormonal delusions aside, I hadn't been ready to go either.

As I swam ahead to follow Jasper back towards the dock, Edward stopped me. His hand brushed my wrist just below the water's surface, and all the tingles I'd felt from his smile were put to shame from one innocent touch of the boy's hand. Our eyes met and my stomach quivered then coiled as a faint pulsing began straying lower. I'd felt high or drunk, or what I imagined it would be like because I hadn't experienced either back then. The closest I had ever come to loosing control of my faculties at fourteen was breathing in the laughing gas at the dentist's office and even that paled in comparison to the feel of this boy's skin against my own.

"Bella, I had fun today. It was nice meeting you." His smooth voice delivered my name like no one ever had before or would again.

"Mmm…" I made a small sound, a hum of agreement, in cracked octaves over a single syllable that should have caused further humiliation. I couldn't form a coherent response, so completely enraptured with the boy that I'd forgotten to even be embarrassed. I never wanted that moment to end. His hand lingered on my wrist beneath the lake's surface as we treaded water near the dock, staring into each other's eyes wordlessly until Jasper had unknowingly broke the spell.

"Bells, come on."

Edward dropped his grasp immediately when we heard Jasper holler for me to hurry up. I dipped below the surface and swam over to heave myself up the side of the dock. As I followed Jasper towards our small porch, glancing back over my shoulder in hopes of catching one of Edward's smiles, I had grown so fond of over the afternoon, he didn't disappoint. I smiled back.

"Hey, kiddos, you hungry? We're grilling out and our new neighbors are gonna join us. Turns out they enjoyed your mom's margaritas, and they love hamburgers on the grill…"

I caught Jasper's eye and we erupted with laughter when Dad continued.

"...just like us common folk. You think your mom's the only one who knows what you two are thinking? Guess again. I'm down like that. So go change into something dry and come and get some grub." Dad's smile reached his eyes as he swiped the backs of our heads, rumpling our wet hair. Usually we'd protest but neither of us did for some reason, instead we laughed until our sides ached at Dad's expense.

I entered our small room in a rush and locked Jasper out, tossing him a shirt and shorts so he could change in the bathroom.

"What gives? Bells, come on, lemme at least pick my own clothes before you toss me out."

Admittedly, I was acting a bit strange, but I couldn't help it. It was him. Edward. He stirred a change in me. So there I stood duffel bag unzipped, my scant clothing assortment splayed out in its entirety on the bed. _"What do I do now?"_ I'd thought to myself. Typically I couldn't care less what I looked like, but I'd felt—different—that evening. I'd wanted to look good especially if there was a chance Edward would see me. He could walk by our shack at any moment, so grilling on the deck now became an event in which I'd need to dress for, I reasoned. Another area of expertise I knew almost nothing about back then.

I must have been in the room for a while when I heard the small knock.

"Bella, honey, you okay in there?" My mother's voice was the calming presence I needed at that exact moment. I ran to the door and thrust it open dragging her in and locking it behind me again. When I realized she was holding a simple, blue, cotton dress with a bandeau top, I nearly froze.

"Mom ..." It was all that escaped my lips as I ran and hugged her tight.

"Wow, okay. If only I'd known buying you a summer dress and slipping it in my bag would earn me a hug like this, I would have bought more. So what's his name?"

"Mom!" I protested. Then the hurt look glossed over her eyes, and I immediately felt bad. I pushed my embarrassment aside. "How do …" I began, then exhaled. "Edward." There was no use denying it. Mom knew everything—always. Even if she had been tipped-off by Jasper telling her I'd locked myself in the room like a weirdo. She was our family glue. So I slipped on the blue, cotton dress and told my mom everything I learned about Edward in the span of the afternoon. Mom just listened and smiled at me. When I'd finished, we headed out back to the sounds of idle chatter and grease popping on the grill.

"Mmm … smells amazing, Dad!" I blurted as I pushed open the screen door and noticed our new neighbors and their _son _sitting on our tiny porch. I swallowed and nearly choked on the small gulp of air as my mom spoke softly.

"Bella, this is Esme and Carlisle Cullen, and I believe you've already met, Edward, this afternoon. This is my daughter, Bella."

"Lovely to meet you, Bella. We heard a lot about you this afternoon." Esme spoke in a gentle manner. She was very attractive, wavy brown hair and golden brown eyes, but she looked nothing like Edward. Carlisle was also a handsome man, blonde hair and calm blue eyes, but Edward didn't favor him either.

In that moment, I knew my theory 'boys make you stupid' must be true. Otherwise how could I have not realized that our new neighbors and Edward would be one and the same? I had only been hoping to see him walking past as we ate. It never occurred to me he'd be the neighbor's son, eating with us. Suddenly, I'd lost my appetite.

Edward and Jasper, on the other hand, ate their weight in burgers. While everyone commented on Dad's grilling skills, I simply pushed the food around on my plate, content to stare at Edward instead. I watched as his mouth moved and his jaw tensed and relaxed with each bite. He was stunning even when he ate food—a lot of food. _Wow, that boy could eat._ He and Jasper must have each had three large burgers. The moment I realized I was staring again, I'd jumped up to follow my mom into the tiny kitchen.

"You didn't eat much, Bella. You sure you don't want to take a bite? In here, away from the distraction," she whispered.

I shook my head, noticing my mother's half eaten plate as well. Her eyes followed mine and she continued, "I know how it feels. Trust me, some things you'll never forget." The brilliance of her smile and comforting embrace warmed my heart, though at the time I failed to tell her. Mom's words held so much weight that night, they'd stuck with me, long after.

I knew now, how right she'd been.

That was the moment it had hit me, huddled in the lake house kitchen, nestled in the warmth of my mother's embrace, the moment I realized—I had a crush. My first official crush on a boy. The boy with the blush-tipped lips. I was terrified. I had absolutely no idea what to do with that newfound information.

I'd remained in the tiny kitchen that night, moving towards the sink to help my mother clean up, content to busy myself with something that held purpose. Something tangible. Something I could make sense of and understand. The tiny window above the sink was framed with yellow gingham curtains, and the warm breeze from outside blew through the cracked window causing them to flicker and sway in response. As I'd stood by the sink, washing some of the dirtied dishes used in the preparation of dinner, I peeked out the window.

I'd had a perfect profile view of the boy who would eventually sustain me in a world where everything would be turned upside down. A boy that would right things before he wronged them. A boy that would believe in me when I lost hope, but then took my belief away with him when he finally left. A boy that refused to see the worst in me, but harbored secrets himself. A boy who would eventually become a man. A man who was no longer a part of my life.


	3. In His Room

**I'm blown away by the sweet words you all leave! Thank you! Ready for more?**

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**The Lake House**

**Chapter 2**

**In His Room**

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I'd wanted to return to the small porch that evening, but I couldn't. Panic over my social awkwardness overcame me. Instead, I stole a lone last glance at the boy, with the long eyelashes and the forearms I longed to touch with a brush of my fingertips, and retreated to the room Jasper and I shared at the lake, seeking comfort in the pages of a well-worn book.

My mom returned to her guests, our new neighbors while at the lake, without any further intrusion. She knew I needed to be alone. Mom was always acutely aware of her family's needs—each one of us.

I'd read and reread some of my classics so many times I could rewrite the stories in my own mind, and often did, but not that evening. That evening I simply stared at the ink taking up space on the yellowed pages and thought about a boy. I fell asleep with an empty stomach, turning summersaults over the thoughts of his hand touching my wrist below the surface of the water. His touch was delicious, but in my dream that night it was covetous. In my dream, his hands did things I'd yet to experience in my waking moments of life at the time.

I'd dreamt of things I'd only ever read about in some of my mother's old paperbacks. The blush-inducing titles and cover art of the _romance_ books my mother enjoyed had caught my eye more and more near the end of my freshman year. I'd found myself sneaking them from her bedside table as I got home from school and returning them before she'd arrive home to prepare dinner. The words were raw and staccato in contrast to the lilting prose I usually enjoyed, but something about what they described was fascinating, exciting and illicit to my awkward teenaged mind.

That first day I'd met Edward Cullen, some of those raw, electric words circled my brain and took hold in my dreams that same night at the lake, the summer before my sophomore year.

The next morning, I'd slipped on that blue bikini again, and really hoped Edward liked blue, as I wandered down to the dock early. I'd grabbed a banana on my way out and peeled it slowly as my feet dangled off the edge of the dock. It was quiet, birds chirping in the background and a few fishing boats out, further on down the lake but mostly peaceful at that hour. I gobbled the banana in my hand and startled as I heard the light laughter from behind me. Jerking my head around with a mouth full of banana, I swallowed automatically.

"Wow, you must be hungry," he teased. There Edward stood in long board shorts, bare chest slightly defined, gloriously carefree. I don't think he had any clue how he truly affected me from the beginning, or if he did, he didn't let on.

"Uh. Yeah. I guess." I hadn't been aware anyone was watching, and I'd been starving from my skipped meal the night before.

"Can I sit? Or did you wanna devour your remaining banana in private?" His mouth turned up in the corner, and all I could think about were those blush lips. They looked completely capable of things I didn't dare imagine.

"Na. I'm done," I answered.

"What, you're not gonna even finish the last bite?" He glanced down to the banana in my hand, but his eyes skimmed across my bare legs and I noticed. His gaze was warmer than the morning sun, searing my skin.

"Uh. No?" I answered again, but it sounded more like a question. I was flustered. The boy did that to me. Made my heart race, my skin flush, and my belly flutter. I felt the birds and the bees.

"Can I have it?" he asked.

"Okay." I shrugged and handed him the nearly devoured banana, and his fingers brushed my trembling hand. He popped the remaining bite into his mouth, and I nearly melted.

He'd just eaten my remaining bite of banana. His mouth had touched something mine had just touched. My tongue squirmed inside my mouth, and it ached to know his. I wanted to kiss him. I'd never been kissed by a boy and up until that point, I'd never had the desire to do so, but there on the dock of the new dawning day, I'd desired many things.

"So Bella, you like bananas and the color blue. What more will you reveal to me today?" Edward teased me with his playful tone in a way that confused my young mind.

I simply stared at him for a moment. Then he smiled and nodded with his head, encouraging a direct answer from me.

"Yeah, I, uh, like fruit, but my favorite color isn't blue. I, uh … like green." I had no idea why I'd said that. God, I was such an idiot. Fondling the word green with my mouth and staring at the solidity of his brilliant eyes, I knew then I was in trouble.

"Fruit, yeah, fruit's great. Green, huh?" He dragged his feet through the warm, murky lake and looked down.

"Yeah," like your eyes, I wanted to blurt but thankfully did not. Instead I moved my feet through the water, mimicking his movements and focused on nothing as I fixed my gaze ahead. My insides were buzzing, and I could feel the obvious maleness radiating off of him in pulsing waves, from beside me.

"Yeah," he breathed.

"Whadda you two doing down here?" Jasper's voice startled us both, and I turned as Edward shoved off the edge and slipped into the lake. Without missing a beat, Jasper took off and plummeted into the depths, challenging Edward to race.

I watched every stroke Edward took, his toned shoulders and arms dipping below the water line and emerging as he propelled himself forward to beat my brother towards an undisclosed finish line.

"All right! All right, you win!" Jasper panted in defeat.

Edward slowed and turned, swiping his hair away from his face his eyes found mine. His ruminative mind was always spinning, though I wouldn't discover the truth in that statement until much later.

Jasper turned and hollered, "Hey, you coming in, Bells? Or you gonna bake in the sun all day?"

"Yeah. I'm coming." I eased into the lake and it felt strangely arousing knowing Edward was in it too. We were sharing water. The lake caressed the naked flesh of his torso, and I bathed in the delight of that small fact. I was ridiculous. Maybe I'd read too much.

The guys horsed around and acted stupid, but everything Edward did was fascinating to me. We splashed, and sunned, and tubed the day away. Dad had even let Jasper drive our old boat, though we didn't go far. My mind constantly swam with thoughts of Edward, regardless of who else was present.

The next few days had continued much the same. We woke up and met at the dock every morning. Usually Edward and I met before Jasper. Each morning with a different selection of fruit, I offered Edward my last bite, finding it strangely satisfying that he would always accept.

"Tart or sweet?"

My mind seemed to get tangled inside the casual ease in which he spoke. "Hm?"

He gave a nod indicating the green apple in my hand.

"Oh, um. Tart."

"Hm," he hummed.

"What? You don't want it?"

"I didn't say that." He reached for the half eaten core, and our hands met as our eyes exchanged wordless meaning—meaning I was unable to decipher.

"Oh."

The way he took a bite of the apple with his perfect white teeth, and chewed politely with his closed mouth, and swallowed, causing his Adam's apple to bob up and down enthralled me to the point of retreat. I looked away as his light laughter warmed my insides—intoxicating me further.

Jasper would join us and break the imaginary, seductive exchange my mind liked to conjure. The three of us would then chat and laugh and swim the days into darkness. Some days we had gone out on the boat tubing or water skiing and others we inner-tubed lazily by the dock, but we were inseparable, the three of us.

Our parents formed friendly ties as well, chatting and boating, enjoying Mom's famous margaritas late into the evenings. At night, we'd all cook out and eat together. Sometimes at the shack and sometimes the mansion. I didn't eat much at either place but was content to watch Edward consume mass quantities of food at both. That boy sure could eat, and I could stare.

One night about a week into our stay, we were to eat at the Cullen's, and Jasper and I headed over with a salad and all the fixings a few minutes early, at the insistence of our mom. She had been quieter than usual, but I was so tongue-tied over the mesmerizing boy, it was a relief to not have to chitchat.

After delivering the food to the kitchen where Esme was busy, Edward invited us up to his room to hang out for a few minutes until it was time for dinner. Jasper's eyes went wide at the size of Edward's room at his 'lake house.' I suppose mine did as well, but regardless of the size of his room I'd have still been in awe because it belonged to Edward.

We had our own bedrooms back home, of course, but they weren't even half the size of Edward's room. At the lake, we only had a two bedroom one bath shack, and Jasper and I bunked in a small room together with two twin beds, but it was right on the water, and we loved it all the same. Still, the Cullen's lake mansion seemed more like a resort, and Edward's room was decked out with state of the art entertainment like nothing we'd ever seen before.

"Hm. So this is my room." His hair was still wet from our afternoon on the lake as Edward shoved his hands deep into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders. He looked flawless, standing there in a faded grey concert T-shirt and olive shorts that hung low on his hips.

Jasper, captivated by the shiny black toys at his disposal, hopped across the bed and flopped on his belly. "Dude! This is da freakin' bomb. What games don't you have?" Jasper continued to mumble as he helped himself to the Nintendo 64 and became engrossed in some obnoxious game.

My eyes never left Edward as he encouraged Jasper to make himself at home. When the grass-green eyes stared back into mine, I smiled. So did Edward.

Soon I found my eyes drawn to other objects in the room, hoping to discover more about my first official crush, the boy at the lake, and ease my nerves a tad around him.

The first thing I noticed were his painted navy walls and how they were filled with charcoal sketches, drawings of people and places. They were amazing with vivid detail. His faded black All Stars sat in a corner, and off-kilter rhythms and strange lyrics humming through his speakers drew my attention next. I'd never listened to music like that before. Jasper preferred music with a rougher edge or a wicked beat, he used to say. I didn't get into music much—until Edward taught me.

"Your music is uh …" I began.

Edward turned his head towards me, waiting for my assessment as his tongue peeked out and took his bottom lip between his teeth. He let it go as soon as Jasper interrupted my long pause.

"Tired. Dude, crank it up. Enough with the moody shit. How about some Nine Inch Nails—The Perfect Drug, man? That's music." Jasper peered up from his game with a glint in his eye, and a look passed between Edward and my brother. A look I didn't dare ask about back then.

Esme's voice had interrupted and called us down for dinner, and we had to leave the room I'd already grown fond of. We all sat around the table in their lush, lake house and noshed on crab legs, corn, warm bread and salad. I even regained a tiny bit of my appetite for the fresh seafood and drawn butter sauce. It wasn't something we ate often. My eyes constantly flickered over towards Edward and his mouth as he ate. God, how I loved his mouth.

After dinner, Dad and Carlisle headed out back, and I helped Mom and Esme in the kitchen for a few moments, while Jasper followed Edward back upstairs. I desperately wanted to be back inside Edward's room, in his private space. The room smelled like him, a scent that made him seem so mature, a cologne I'd never smelled before I met him. His grey sheets were inviting, tempting. They looked soft, and I'd longed to touch them while we listened to the music he loved. My mind wandered as it often did, only I'd finally discovered hidden motivation for the wandering musings inside my head. Edward.

"Bella, why don't you go get the boys. See if they want some cake. I made chocolate, your favorite." Mom smiled and brushed my cheek, and her gentle touch lingered. Her blue eyes held mine for an instant, and I wish I would have told her how much I loved her in that moment. Instead, I raced up the stairs to catch another glimpse of the boy that sped my heart and caused the quivers in my belly.

I could hear them through the door. I don't know what prompted me to hover, but I did. I'd shamelessly eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Seriously, Radiohead is cool. Broaden your horizons, expand your interest, Jazz."

"As if! Look, chicks dig guitars and vocals laced with sex. It gets 'em hot. Trust me, I got a garage band thing going back home. We rock," Jasper countered.

I'd blushed six shades of red, but irritation boiled inside me with Jasper's comment. I didn't want to think about _chicks_ getting hot and Edward in the same sentence. Ever. Sure Jasper 'had a band' (they sucked), but I guess it was true. Most of my friends thought Jazz was hot. Though I was fairly certain it had nothing to do with the earsplitting noise they attempted to play and tried to pass off as music, but then again what did I know. I couldn't help but think, whatever it was Edward was playing in his room however, was doing a bang up job of piquing my interest. I'd suddenly felt things in a way I'd only known since meeting Edward.

"Jasper, music's kinda my thing, and I don't need to it to get into a girl's pants." Edward's words sent shivers up my spine, his youthful confidence confiscated my sagacity and his low tones and references to things I'd only dreamt about heated my flesh.

"No, shit? So, do you play an instrument?"

"Yeah. Guitar and piano," Edward nearly whispered.

"Dude! You gotta lemme hear you play sometime. Maybe we could jam together?"

"Not to your shit taste in music." Edward laughed and his melodic vibrations breached the closed door, sending another wave of desire directly through me.

"Fine broaden my horizons, Ace."

Edward gave another quiet chuckle after Jasper's comment. Then my brother asked a question I was keen on knowing the answer to as well.

"So you got a girl back where you're from?"

"Chicago? No." His answer was curt and his voice sounded strange, but Jasper didn't seem to notice.

"Cool 'cuz the lake tends to draw the crowds during the summer and there's never a shortage of hotties roaming around the water. Especially around The Fourth. I'm inclined to be extra patriotic when they slip on their stars and stripes. A well placed star on a string bikini has been the cause of my undoing many times. If you know what I mean?"

Edward never did respond as far as I could tell with my ear smashed against the door, breathing—waiting, but I didn't go back in his room that night. Instead, I snuck back downstairs and devoured a large slice of chocolate cake in private before silently slipping away back to our shack. I didn't own a string bikini.

~oOo~

Chicago, a big city. The boy who fondled his consonants was from a big city and had moved to a small town in the Pacific Northwest, in middle of nowhere. Where he was sure to shine, I'd thought to myself.

And shine he most certainly would.

* * *

**A/N Okay here is what I'm thinking Thursdays will be the normal posting day and if there is a drabble ****chapter (Current day Bella. One is coming up next.) that will post on Monday. So for example next week you will get a Monday and a Thursday update. Sound good?**

**Also we will be picking up speed soon, but this is a slow burn with lots of layers so hang in there.**


	4. Down She Goes

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 3**

**Down She Goes**

* * *

**Current day:**

As I sat in my tepid bath water, nearly smashed, it occurred to me: I was like the Titanic on her maiden voyage back then. Little did I know I'd share her fate, but just like the Titanic's encounter with the iceberg, by the time they noticed the tip, it was already too late. What lay beneath the surface of the water was far too vast to avoid, and when I'd met Edward Cullen, my ability to turn away had expired as well—I wasn't prepared for the impending disaster that lay ahead. Neither was the unsinkable ship, and down she went.

As soon as I saw his book in the store window, I knew I could never read it, but it didn't stop me from making the purchase earlier today. There it sat on the edge of sink, the beautiful cover art taunting me. _Had he sketched it from memory?_ _Why would he write this after all these years? What would he really have to say? _The questions gnawed at my insides. I wanted answers, needed them, but didn't all the same. It no longer mattered. Too much time had passed. It was sixteen years ago when we first met at the lake house.

Though as much as I wanted to forget, the memories flood my mind as quickly as the water seeping into the lower cabins of the Titanic.

* * *

**Thoughts? **

**I have pictures on my tumbler page if you are interested. (link on my profile) There is a page dedicated for The Lake House and The Body Artist on my main tumblr off to the right. I'm a visual person. ;-)**


	5. Under My Skin

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 4**

**Under My Skin**

**Summer 1997:**

* * *

The warmth of his presence crept up from behind me before he even spoke.

"An orange today, eh?"

I smiled before turning around. "Actually, it's a clementine." I'd found myself slightly less nervous around him, at least in the mornings when we were alone at the dock. His voice washed over me like warm rain from a summer storm, causing the familiar heat to surge through my system.

"Like a tangerine?" The mirth in his eyes was contagious.

"Uh, yeah I guess, only it's a clementine." I tried to conceal my body's instinctive response to him, suppressing my head-over-heels, crush-induced grin, but most likely, I'd failed miserably.

"So, how's it _taste_?" The 'T's', his 'T's' with his perfect enunciation sent a shudder through me.

"Uh … sweet, juicy." I was so lame, so very naive.

"Is that right? I bet it does," he said with a husky chuckle.

"You want some?"

"Yeah, I want some." Then he laughed out loud and popped the last two segments, I offered him, of my citrus fruit into his mouth and hummed. "Yep. Sweet." He winked and slid off the dock into the water. His benign words were anything but innocent, and I was infected.

I had no words, absolutely no words to describe what that boy did to me in that moment. My skin tingled and my virgin nipples stiffened to taut peaks beneath my simple green bikini. I was in a state of semi-shock, completely unsure as to what had just happened. Mortification and arousal simultaneously flooded my senses, so I dove into the water, lacking any further insight.

Fortunately, he had already swam several strokes ahead of me, and I was content to hover near the dock with my shoulders beneath the surface, treading water until my body stopped its shameless response to his honeyed words.

Unfortunately, he was returning before my ignorant, chaste nipples received the message. _Crushes sucked._ I desperately wanted things I was too shy to mention.

"I like the new suit. It's flattering against your complexion. Green, huh? That's like a Kelly green, right? Or is it Hunter? Is that your favorite shade?" he asked me with the same level of intensity he held in all things I'd seen thus far.

He did it again, caused me a moment of mental confusion. Then I remembered, days earlier, I'd stupidly blurted my favorite color had been green. I had never considered it my favorite before, and suddenly I was caught in a lie. A stupid one. I was brilliantly bad at normal conversations, under normal circumstances, but this was an all time fail for me.

"Ace!" Thankfully, Jasper chose that exact moment to make an appearance and cannon-balled right off the end of the dock. Surfacing a few moments later, he continued, "So it's my b-day. Seventeen big ones today."

Edward's eyes met mine for a second longer, and my modest green bikini became my favorite, then he switched his focus. "Happy Birthday, Jazz."

They began goofing off, and before long, the morning had faded. A few hours later as we lay lazily on our tubes, Jasper was struck with inspiration.

"Sis, you know what would totally rock?"

I squished my face in question from the comfy reclined position of my inner tube.

"We should pack a sack lunch and hike up the trail, show Edward our rock. Whadda ya think?"

"That sounds cool," Edward added.

"Okay," I muttered. "I'll go pack us some lunch."

"Sweet. I'll dig out our boots and packs and put the rafts up. Thanks, Bells! You're the best kid sister. You know that, right?" Jasper offered.

"Sure." _Kid?_ I wasn't a kid, I'd thought to myself, or at least I didn't want to be around Edward.

I headed back up the dock tempted to turn around and catch a glimpse of Edward, dripping wet, heaving himself up onto the edge like I'd already witnessed several times before, but forced myself not to and entered our cabin with a slam to the screen door.

The harsh whispers abruptly halted with my entrance.

"Bells?" Dad questioned, rounding the corner. "I thought you kiddos were in the lake."

"Yeah, but we're bored so we're gonna pack a lunch and hike the old trail for a while."

"Alrighty, well you be safe and take a pack with you. Got it?"

"Yeah, Dad, always do. Where's Mom?"

"She's, uh, lying down for a bit. One too many margaritas last night. She'll be up in a while. I'm taking Carlisle and Esme out on the boat, but we're gonna have a fish fry tonight for Jasper so be back before sundown. Okay?"

"Sure."

"Love ya, Bells."

"Love you too, Daddy." I nearly knocked the wind out of him with my unexpected hug, but when he righted himself, he rested his chin on the top of my head. The spontaneous embrace made me feel safe.

Pulling away, I'd hurried into the small room to change. Though I never wanted to remove the green swimsuit from my body after Edward had complimented me while wearing it. Still soaking wet was not ideal for a hike, so I tossed on a pair of shorts and a white T-shirt, I pulled my hair into a pony, making my way back to the kitchen to prepare our lunches for our outing. I could hear Jasper digging around in the outside storage shed around back when there was a slight tap near the screen door behind me.

"Bella?" His voice instantly had me on alert.

"Oh hey, Edward. You, uh, sure changed fast." I swallowed in an attempt to moisten my tongue. Edward's presence tended to turn my mouth to cotton.

"I guess. So you need a hand? I can make a mean PB&J."

"Ew. PB&J's are for five year olds," I blurted, forgetting my filter.

"What you don't like peanut butter and jelly? Unheard of!"

"Well, consider my tastes a little more sophisticated." As soon as the sentence left my mouth, I'd regretted it. It made me sound like the dork inside I was desperately trying to avoid.

"Uh huh, I see. How old are you exactly, Bella?" he asked, as he leaned against the small counter next to me.

"Almost fifteen!" I'd said with my chin jutted out, adding the 'almost' before giving my age was like a rite of passage, but made me no less ridiculous.

"Mm hmm, yeah, far too mature to consume something as juvenile as a PB&J." I would have given anything to know what he had been thinking at that moment. His eyes skimmed my face, over my lips and down my neck before returning abruptly to my stare. "So what do _almost_ fifteen year olds prefer to eat then?" The way he placed emphasis on 'almost' was deeply satisfying. The word rolled off his tongue and drew me further into his mesmerizing haze as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know … just not food fit for a pre-schooler. I was making tomato sandwiches. It's summer and the tomatoes are ripe from the vine. We always pack tomato sandwiches in the summer. Do you not like tomatoes, Edward?" Then I'd turned into a rambling puddle of goo.

He didn't answer my question, but he immediately followed with one of his own.

"You're gonna be a sophomore this year?"

"Yeah." I continued to stare at him, but kept my hands busy toasting the bread.

"You act older than _almost_ fifteen." He angled his body another inch closer, temptingly closer, from his reclined position against the counter.

"I do?" My voice caught in my throat.

"Yep."

"Mmm, tomatoes. Bells, make sure my toast is extra crispy will ya?" Jasper hollered as he strolled right past us towards the room to change.

"Already did," I called after him, and then smiled at Edward, who had taken a step away from the counter upon Jasper's entrance.

"You're the best, Sis!"

"You and Jasper are close, huh?" Edward inquired.

"Yeah, I guess. We have our moments, he can annoy me like no other, but he's a cool brother. He looks out for me, you know?"

"Not really. I'm an only child, remember?"

"Oh, uh, duh! I, uh, I guess you don't know. Do you?"

"Nope. But if you were my sister … I'd want to look out for you too," Edward lowered his voice with his last utterance.

_What the heck did that mean? _I'd thought to myself.

"So freaks, ready to bail?" I wasn't sure if Jasper had just saved the conversation from becoming a total fail or interrupted something brilliant.

"Yep, let's do this." Edward clapped his hands together.

We all wore a pack and the boys raced ahead, but both took turns looking back to check up on me from time to time. I'd been partially convinced, I'd just acquired another brother. A blush-lipped, long-legged, lean-muscled, intoxicating smelling brother that wasn't my brother. Whom I hadn't stopped dreaming about since we arrived at the lake.

I could still conjure the exact feeling of disappointment I felt at that precise moment. Though there wouldn't be any shortage of disappointments to come.

The hike was short but completely secluded and once we'd reached the oversized rock, I felt a sense of nostalgia. We used to hike the same trail with Dad when we were small, it had been our happy place and now Edward was a part of it. Somehow it made me giddy to share that moment with him even if it wasn't really me sharing—it was we. Nevertheless, the three of us were happy.

We ate our sandwiches and sat back, gathered around the rock.

"So, Oasis has a decent sound. I was listening to the CD you let me borrow." Jasper made conversation and somehow it always wound its way back around to music.

"Yeah? How about the other stuff?" Edward asked.

"Don't push it. The other stuff is way to moody mellow for my tastes. So, you been to any cool concerts lately?"

"Nah, a few smaller gigs. Nothing major. I did see Oasis in London in ninety-five though." Edward shrugged as if it were no big deal.

"London, as in England?" Jasper asked exactly what I was thinking.

"Yeah."

"No shit! That's trippin'. I begged my parents to let me go see Nine Inch Nails in Seattle, only a few hours away, in April of ninety-four. They said no way."

"Jazz, you were like thirteen at the time. You weren't even in high school yet!" I blurted, because the fit he'd pitched over a stupid concert was ridiculous. I'd known that then, and I was ten at the time.

"Whatever, Edward went to London to see a concert!" Jasper tossed me a look that said I didn't get it, but clearly I did. Only, I couldn't care less about the concert, however, what I did want to know all about was London. The fact this boy had been to London was yet another fascinating thing to me. I remembered he'd mentioned traveling but this was specific. Another peek inside, another glimpse of what was hidden beneath his mysterious outward beauty. I'd wanted to travel ever since I could remember, foreign destinations had always appealed to me. The fact he'd done this already, simply added another layer of allure.

He'd done many things I hadn't back then, and in time, he'd introduce me to some of his favorites that quickly became mine.

"I was on a trip with my dad, and it just sort of worked out. I was a sophomore at the time, _fifteen_," Edward paused, and I felt his eyes drift over to me, luring me closer. "Have you ever been to a concert, Bella?"

I couldn't speak when he looked at me with such intensity, so I simply shook my head in response.

"Na she's not really into music," Jasper added.

Edward's eyes lingered for a second, and then Jasper began telling him all about the Metallica concert he'd just been to in May. They continued to chat about their musical interests, and I was content to simply hear Edward describe the music he adored and why. The day quickly faded, and I added little else to their conversation, but I missed nothing.

"I gotta take a leak before we head back down. Why don't you and Bella go on ahead, and I'll catch up."

So we did. I watched as Edward's legs carried his body smoothly over the terrain slightly ahead of me. I studied every detail of him. The slope to his neck, the sliver of skin that kept peeking out by his hipbone, everything about him made me curious. He was unusually quiet. Jasper had caught up to us before I could muster the nerve to start a conversation with the boy that consumed my thoughts, so our trek back down the trail was mostly quiet.

The fish fry was oddly hushed as well. All our parents were more soft spoken than usual, and even Edward and Jasper seemed to have shared secrets that didn't include me. Somehow, I felt like the odd one out. We ate and wished Jasper a happy birthday, then our parents went to the Cullens' house. The intense infatuation I felt towards Edward hadn't lessened, but I couldn't stand to be near him and be ignored any longer, so I took off towards the dock.

I sipped on a bottle of water and dipped my toes in the lake as I sat at the edge of the dock and obsessed about Edward. I was consumed with thoughts of him, how he looked, talked, moved, everything about him was appealing to me and drew my curiosity deeper.

"Hey, you. Your brother was looking for you." Edward's voice washed through me and stirred up the ripples in my tummy. I'd had it bad for the boy.

"Well, looks like you found me," I managed.

"Hey, what's up? Why so down?" I got a whiff of Edward's light cologne as he squatted down beside me to sit, it made me want to inch my way closer to him, desperately closer, and bury my face in his neck then drown in his deliciousness.

"Nothing. I'm fine," I lied.

"You don't look fine. I mean you look … well actually, you're really … you look …," he stumbled on his words and then huffed before he continued, "… like something is bothering you." I found it curious but it only added to the mounting tally of things about the boy I'd found intriguing.

"Na, I'm great." I gave him my best cheesy grin and took a large gulp of water. I could feel him staring at me and that made the warring sensations inside me all the worse.

"So what's up down at the dock? What'd I miss?" Jasper chimed in and Edward straightened his back a tad, but I noticed.

"Nothing. We were just hanging." Edward said to Jasper, but gave me a wink. A wink that did crazy things to my insides and screwed with my head.

Jasper sat down beside me and nudged my shoulder when I wasn't expecting it and accidentally shoved me into Edward.

"Whoa. Steady there." Edward instinctively reached to steady me, and his hand skimmed my hip but didn't let go immediately. His fingers were firm near the small of my back, but his thumb had found a sliver of skin between the hem of my shirt and the edge of my shorts. It only lasted the briefest of seconds, but his thumb brushed my skin and did insanely delicious things to me. He unknowingly penetrated the barrier of my skin with the softest of touches. In split seconds, I felt the sensation of his touch—everywhere, causing my hairs to stand on end and the pulsing to return between my legs.

"Sorry, Bells. Gee, you okay?" Jasper offered, and Edward abruptly removed his hand from my lower back.

"I'm fine!" I shouted. I couldn't believe Edward was actually touching my skin and it felt—it felt amazing, but my brother had unknowingly ruined the moment.

"Well, shit. Calm down will ya? What gives?" Jasper questioned.

"Nothing. I'm sorry," I apologized for snapping at him and we all sat shoulder to shoulder without a word between us. The slight pulses didn't subside easily, and Edward's scent lingered in the air.

You could hear the crickets and the ripples on the lake we made with our feet in the water, you could even hear our breaths, but no one spoke for several seconds.

Jasper was the first to break the silence. "So maybe we should liven things up."

"Yeah, what'd you have in mind?" Edward asked.

They carried on a conversation around me while I tried to imagine Edward's hand back on my skin.

"Well …" But before Jasper finished his sentence, I felt his arms snake out and tickle my side.

"Ah … ha, ha, ah! Jazz! Stop!" I'd squirmed and twisted to break free from his torture. If Jasper ever found me with a frown, he thought it was hilarious to tickle me until I smiled. Only it didn't make me smile, it irritated the crap out of me. I hated to be tickled. Then it happened, I slipped and fell into the lake with a big splash.

"Shit!" Jasper pushed himself off the dock after me. "Bells, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean …"

"You're such a butthead!" I spouted as I came up for air. "Dang it, Jasper!" I'd felt the tears welling up in my eyes but quickly blinked them away. I didn't need Edward thinking I was a crybaby.

"Sis, I said I'm sorry. Shit, here let me help you up."

"I got it." I ignored his offer for a boost and shooed him away, heaving my body up the side of the dock.

"The water's warm, you should totally come in, Ace," Jasper hollered before he took off, taking a few laps beneath the moonlit night. Nearly full, the moon illuminated the lake with a soft glow.

"Na, I'm good," he answered Jasper, but his eyes were locked with mine as I pulled myself the rest of the way up. They didn't leave my body as I wrung my hair out and the water drops splattered on the edge of the dock. "You're, uh … your shirt is …"

I watched the strange expression on his face. His eyes darted around, gliding over my shirt and back to my face. Staring down at my own shirt upon his mention of it, I instinctively clamped my arms around my chest—I was still wearing the white T-shirt from our hike and my bra was white as well, and both were soaking wet. When Edward swallowed, it set fire to my skin and mortification slapped me, again. I scurried down the dock to go change.

"Bella, wait. I'm …"

Only, I didn't wait. I think I heard him drop the f-bomb under his breath, but I was back inside changing within moments. After I'd changed, I sat on the edge of the bed for a minute and tried to figure out what it all meant. _Was Edward checking me out? Did he like it? Me? No. Crap._ I'd been so naive back then and remained utterly clueless to the power I held.

I couldn't get his touch out of my mind. The feel of his thumb against my skin and the sensations it sent to places I couldn't even verbalize. That was the moment I missed my best friend and wished she could've come to the lake with us. I shared everything with Angela, and even though I knew full well she had as little experience with boys as I did, I desperately needed to talk to her.

Then I'd realized I was being ridiculous, acting like the kid I'd professed I wasn't. Therefore I toweled off my hair, adjusted my dry shirt, and rounded the corner straight into the lean wall of Edward's chest.

He smelled good. Too good. I can still remember how absolutely appealing he was.

"Damn, sorry! Bella, please, I wanted to apologize. I didn't … I don't … want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I didn't mean to—shit! It's just, you're … I mean … you …"

His words were flustered and erratic, the same as my beating heart, but he didn't make a move to back away and neither did I. There we stood, toe to toe, stuttering and breathing respectively—frozen. I took a slow measured breath of his faint cologne and stared up at him straight in the eye, and he inched his head closer, until the screen door flung open. We were apart in a split second, and I wasn't sure which one of us moved faster. My heart thundered in my chest.

"Dude! Why'd you leave the dock?" Jasper questioned.

Edward cleared his throat. "I just wanted to make sure Bella was okay. I, uh—I think I should go though. It's um, I'm kinda beat for the night. See ya in the morning." The door slammed shut before I could even blink, and in that moment I sort of hated my brother a little.

I'd come to regret ever feeling that way about Jasper later.

"Tired. Pssh. How about you, Bells? Wanna play cards or something?"

I gave him a look that clearly indicated my raging irritation for him at the moment and huffed. "No. I'm going to bed."

"What's your deal? I said I was sorry about pushing you in, come on, it was an accident. I only wanted to see you smile. You seemed bummed out earlier. Seriously, Bells, you wanna talk or something?"

I huffed again because honestly, I loved my brother, and I couldn't stay mad at him. "I know. It's fine, really. I just—" I couldn't talk to Jasper about my monster crush on Edward, but I could confide in him about other things. "Did you think Dad was acting strange earlier today?"

"I don't know. Not really. Why?"

"When I came in to pack the lunches, I overheard him and Mom, they were whispering, but it sounded tense, as if I'd interrupted something. I just, I'm not sure, I have a feeling something is … something's not right."

"C'mere." Jasper reached out and gave me a tight hug. Even his hugs were like Mom's. "Bella, things are fine. You're just a kid. Relationships are difficult; people have disagreements all the time. It's Mom and Dad you're talking about. Think about it, they're solid. Everything's fine. You sure you don't wanna get your ass kicked at spades? Rummy? I might even let you win."

I stared up at my brother, his tall unassuming frame, bright blue eyes that twinkled, blond hair he ran his fingers through to air dry, and completely ignored the slightest wrinkle to his brow. The slightest indication he was convincing himself, not just me, of something that was far from the truth. At that moment, little did I know we were both clueless.

We would be enlightened about many things soon enough.

* * *

**A/N **

**As always thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me! I love reading about all of your old memories and crushes, or just general thoughts on the story. **


	6. Lake Swells

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 5**

**Lake Swells**

* * *

It was the Fourth of July, a day I'd never forget. I was up and out at the dock earlier than usual that morning. I'd hoped to have some moments of peaceful clarity before the confusion of Edward Cullen hovered. I popped a grape in my mouth and listened to the sounds over the still lake. Birds chirped, a warm breeze blew by, and I was no clearer than I'd been before. I'd dreamt of Edward all night, his penetrating stare and the gentle touch of his hand. Only his hand touched me in places that caused me to blush even in my dreams.

"You're up early this morning."

He scared the life out of me. I hadn't heard Edward's approach, lost inside the dreamscape of my mind. "Geez!"

He chuckled. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's fine." I gave a small smile in return.

"So, grapes?"

"Yep! And I brought you some. Here." I slid a little baggie towards him.

"Awesome. Thanks!"

"Do your parents not feed you enough or something?"

He laughed, a deep hearty laugh, at my comment and then smiled. "You're sweet, Bella."

"But?" I questioned.

"But what?"

"I don't know, you tell me. It sounded like you were gonna use a 'but'."

"No but. You're just sweet. That's all."

"Oh. Okay." Only I wasn't sure I'd liked the way he said sweet that morning as if it left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Okay. So it's the Fourth. They got some kinda show around here tonight?" Edward popped another grape into his mouth.

"Uh, yeah. They go all out. It's cool if you like big explosions, I guess."

"What, you don't like fireworks?"

"They're all right, but the noise hurts my ears."

"Well, how about sparklers? They're not loud, and they make green ones." He smiled.

I giggled at his insistence. "Yeah, sparklers are okay, but my favorite are the silver."

"Silver?"

"Mmhm."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing." He popped another grape into his mouth, and I watched him chew. Each movement of his pronounced jaw made the urge to touch him deepen inside me. So I filled the air with witless words in an attempt to control my mental delusions and fantasy daydreams.

"What's your favorite color, Edward?"

"Sparkler or in general?"

"In general."

"Grey."

"Grey?" I'd repeated.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Why?" He laughed. "I don't know. Why's your favorite color green?"

'It isn't,' I'd thought to myself, 'or wasn't until I met you and saw your eyes,' I wanted to say, but thankfully didn't. "I, uh, okay. Well, what is it about grey exactly, because it isn't even an actual color. I mean no one chooses, black, or white, or grey. It's kind of weird." I avoided answering his question altogether.

"I guess that's why I like it. I'm kind of weird."

I just stared at him and popped a grape in my own mouth for something to do because at that moment, I was afraid of what I might say. He wasn't weird, he was intriguing and mysterious and perfect, and I wanted him to kiss me like crazy beneath his grey sheets.

"Honestly, why do you like green?"

Now I'd done it, I thought to myself. So I blurted out the first few things that came to mind about the color green. "Green is the color of spring grass, and tree frogs, it's new growth after the long winter that shoots straight up from the earth. Green is life and living and green is …" I wanted to say, 'the color of your eyes' so badly. "…grapes."

"Wow. You've thought a lot about green, huh?"

"Mmhm." A lot! More than he'd ever know.

"You have a way with words, Bella."

We were silent after that. Shoulder to shoulder, but not touching, on the edge of the dock simply sharing grapes.

The day had progressed in much the same way as the others had, but our parents decided to go out for dinner and drinks that night. So we were on our own as the sun went down, and the electric anticipation sizzled all around me.

"You kids behave now. Got it?" Dad's mustache twitched as he spoke.

"Dad? Seriously?" Jasper protested.

"Charlie! You know Jasper and Bella are good kids. Just ignore your father," Mom interjected, poking her head around the corner as she applied her red lipstick.

"Just giving you a friendly reminder. We're just up the road if you need anything and the keys to the 4Runner are on the hook. We're riding with the Cullens," Dad added.

My mom gave me one of her all-knowing hugs and whispered in my ear. "Enjoy the fireworks, sweetie. Sometimes it's nice to watch them with someone." She pulled away and gave me a quick smile, and I turned the exact shade of her lipstick. She smelled like fresh linens and warm sunshine.

We decided to hang at Edward's place because, well duh, it was practically a resort. As I sat next to Jasper on their couch, Edward sat in a chair off to my right, and we all watched a lame movie the guys chose. I was bored with the flick, but I didn't dare leave the room. I was content enough to sit and gaze at Edward's profile all night out of the corner of my eye. I was hardly brave enough to look directly at him.

When the movie ended, Jasper jumped up. "I have an idea. I'll be back." He took off before Edward or I could respond.

"What's your brother up to?"

"No idea."

"Bella …" Edward paused.

"Yeah?" My heart began pumping excitement through my veins. I waited for his lips to form words, any words just so long as he'd keep talking to me.

"Did you miss me? Check it out." Jasper was back with beer in hand before Edward could finish.

I scrunched my nose up at the offending beverage and Edward grinned.

Popping a top, Jasper took a swig of one and tossed another to Edward.

"You wanna try one, Sis?"

"No. That's disgusting. I'll pass."

"Yeah maybe, but it makes you feel great." Jasper chuckled. "You sure?"

I nodded.

Edward didn't say anything, but his eyes followed mine as I watched Jasper nearly down his can. Edward took a much slower sip of his.

"Ace, we need music. Hook us up."

"Yeah okay, but I'm gonna expand your musical tastes, broaden your interest." Edward gave it back to Jasper.

"Fine. Just don't play any of that downer shit."

Edward put some music on and the two of them began their back and forth over Edward's selections, while I did what I excelled at—observed Edward from the corner of my eye. When it got dark enough, we headed down to the dock so we could watch for the fireworks. Jasper was acting strange, and Edward and I shared another look.

"Jazz, you okay? Maybe you've had enough to drink," I cautioned.

"Bells, stop being a baby. I'm good."

"I'm not a baby," I insisted.

"Yeah, right. Sorry."

"You're drunk."

"I am drunk, and it feels fantastic. Fuck! It feels amazing!" Jasper shouted into the open night air.

I'd never really seen him like that before. I mean sure he'd obviously snuck out of the house a few times to go to a party, which I'd covered for, and snuck back in the house a bit toasty, but this was different. This wasn't like him.

"Jasper, I think you should maybe sit down," I indicated.

"Sit down, says the kid. Okay. I'm sitting. Happy? Now I think you should have a drink, and lighten up."

"Jasper, quit, man," Edward added.

"Tell her, Ace. Go on, tell her what it feels like to get wasted. Tell her she should try it. Better with us than with some asshole that wants to get in her pants at a party, right?"

My whole face reddened, and I was struck with humiliation. In that instant Jasper suddenly made me feel like an outsider; he embarrassed me beyond belief, and I felt like a dumb kid. I couldn't stop the tears that threatened to prove how naive I actually was, as I took off running back up the dock.

"Jazz. You're being a dick. Stop." I heard Edward's voice and felt his eyes on me, but I didn't dare turn around, and he didn't come after me.

I cried on the edge of my bed until I heard the fireworks begin and end. Sometime later there was a small knock at my door.

"What?" I called out with a sniffle.

"Bella, it's me. Can I come in?" Edward's voice excited and soothed me all at the same time. I quickly swiped at my remaining tears but didn't answer. I was a mess and didn't want him to see me crying like a baby. Only it was no use, I was in fact behaving like the kid I desperately wanted to dissociate from.

"Bella, please give me permission to come in."

"Go away."

"Shit. All right. I'm coming in."

He slowly opened the door and crossed the small room to the edge of my bed. "Hey. Don't let Jasper get you down, okay? He, uh. He's got some shit going on. He just got a little carried away."

"You talk to him?" I was confused.

"Yeah. Sort of."

"He used to talk to me. He's never treated me like this before." I sniffed again like a baby.

"Look, we don't really talk as much as we sneak a drink and grunt. Per se."

"Drink and grunt?"

"Yeah. It's a guy thing. We're dumb."

"Hmm. So where is he now?"

"Passed out on my couch. Look he really felt bad for hurting your feelings."

I just stared at Edward trying to figure out his deal._ Why was he here right now? _He kept sending me mixed signals that were too complicated to decipher.

"So, uh. I have something for you, but you have to come out to the dock with me." Edward shifted from side to side and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

"Okay." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Cool."

Edward reached out with his hand to pull me off of my bed, and he slipped his hand in mine. His touch made me feel tingly and fuzzy and warm all over. With him leading, I would have followed him anywhere. We walked like that, hand in hand, down to the dock, and I couldn't imagine anything any better than touching him. Then he released my hand and pulled something out of a bag. Sparklers.

"Sparklers," I said.

"Silver sparklers." He smiled. "Wanna light 'em?"

A dorky, head-over-heels grin broke on my face and I nodded. "Sure."

We lit the entire box one after another, twirling them around, we wrote words with the smoke and giggled like carefree kids. It was glorious. Until we were out.

"So now what?" he said.

"I don't know."

"You've seriously never had a drink before?"

I shook my head and tried to tamp down my discomfort. "A sip yes, but beer is disgusting."

"Yeah. I guess. How about a wine cooler or champagne cocktail?"

"A champagne what?" I was awed and perplexed by the boy.

"A cocktail. That's where you mix something with the champagne usually something sweet like juice or liqueur or both."

I shook my head again.

"You wanna try one?"

I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not, but if Edward was offering, I knew I couldn't refuse.

"You don't have to, Bella. You may not even like it. I just thought I could show you, and you could try it. If you wanted. With me. No pressure. Then that way you'd know what it tasted like and felt like. I mean Jazz was right. Sort of. It's better if you tried it before you were coerced into something at a party when no one's around that truly cares about you. I mean guys can be total dicks and think with them too."

_'Someone who truly cares about you,'_ the words consumed me. His words. I wondered if that included him. The last sentence punctuated his statement and though I was embarrassed, there was something about his casual use of the word dick. Edward's innuendo made me feel more grown up. As if he thought of me as more than just some dorky kid, possibly. "Okay." I nodded.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I'll try it."

"Okay." There was a glint of humor in his eye but a softness to his smile as he slipped his hand back into mine and led me to his lake house.

"So? What do you want in it?" He was confident but his voice held a gentle hesitance.

"I have no idea. Just make me something you think I'd like."

He smiled and stepped behind his parents bar as I watched him. He pursed his lips together while he was thinking and the blush color to them deepened.

"Here ya go." He handed me a fancy glass, and I felt like a princess at a private celebration. "Cheers."

"Aren't you going to have one?"

"You may not like yours, and I don't drink alone," he joked. "Just try it."

I took a tentative sip of the bubbly, sweetened, citrusy beverage. "Mmm. That's yummy."

"You really like it?"

"Yeah. It's good."

He just smiled.

"Are you gonna have one now?"

"Sure." He made another and then we took slow sips and laughed at Jasper snoring. On the couch.

"So what's in this?"

"Champagne, the real deal, Grand Marnier, a sugar cube and orange juice. We didn't have clementine juice." He winked at me and my tummy did a little swan dive.

That night he educated me on what was truly considered champagne and what was not but Americans still referred to it as champagne anyway. I had been sure my parents didn't even know the difference. He also taught me about liqueurs and other mixed concoctions. Edward knew about a lot of things, for a seventeen year old, and I found him even more fascinating than I ever had. I only had one drink that night but I liked it, and I liked sharing it with Edward even more.

That was the first of many firsts I would share with Edward Cullen.

~oOo~

Jasper and I were safely in our beds before our parents returned. Edward had helped me get Jasper back to our lake house, and he woke only momentarily as we were sliding him in bed.

"Bellsss, Imma asss. Can you eveh fuhgive me?" Jasper was missing a few vowels and his breath was rank, but I knew he was sorry and he loved me. I felt the same way about him.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I'd heard a commotion in the bathroom and hurried to the hallway to check it out.

"Dad? What's going on?"

"Bella, it's fine, honey. Go back to bed." I stood there in a fog. I heard my mother's groans and froze in place.

"Bella, go back to bed," my dad urged.

"Dad, what's wrong with Mom?"

"Nothing. She just had a little too much to drink. We had a good time is all. She's fine. Go to bed."

The look in my Dad's eye was one I knew as a small child. It was best to mind him. He was never harsh with us, but we'd known when we had taken things too far as children, and it was no different at that moment in time. I went back to bed, but didn't sleep that night.

At dawn I tried to wake Jasper, but he was still out like a light. My mind hadn't stopped its perpetual humming all night, and I needed to talk to someone. Something wasn't right. So I threw on some clothes and headed to Edward's house, hoping he'd be awake. Walking around back to where his window was, I'd heard sounds coming from a window beneath his that caught my attention.

"Renee, listen to me. Relax. How does that feel?"

"Mmhm." I heard my mom's voice and her contented sigh.

"Just don't think about it. Okay, relax and just…," came the other voice again, and then I'd recognized it as Carlisle's. Carlisle?

"That feels good." I heard my mom say.

"Good, that's what I like to hear."

The tears began welling up in my eyes, and I scrambled backwards tripping over my own feet. I felt like I was going to be sick as I ran all the way back and down the dock. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I puked off the edge of the dock until nothing was left. I was emptied. My mom and Carlisle Cullen were having an affair, and I'd overheard them.

I'd never really hated anything before, but at that moment, I hated him.

I sat on the edge of the dock fuming, until I heard the velvet voice so much like his father's, it made my skin crawl.

"What's up champagne girl? No fruit today?"

"Don't speak to me!"

"What?"

"I said—Don't. Speak. To. Me," I repeated through clenched teeth.

"Bella, look at me. What's going on?"

"You … your … Ugh!"

"Bella, did you get sick?"

"You could say that."

"Bella, please talk to me. I thought we'd become friends. Don't shut me out."

"Friends? You're probably just like him. You probably just wanted to get all fancy and show off, so you could woo me. And then when I least expected it, you'd take advantage of me. It's probably how you are with all girls. I'm just one big, fat joke huh? Bella, who's so naive; Bella, who's never gone to a concert; Bella, who's never had a drink; Bella, who's never been kissed, or … or … Ugh!"

"Bella, I have absolutely no clue what the hell you are talking about. If you didn't want to try the drink last night, you didn't have to. I told you that, and I meant it. If you got sick this morning, I'm really sorry. But you only had one glass, that shouldn't have make you sick. Bella, you have to know I'd never intentionally get you wasted …"

"I got sick when I overheard your _dad_ making out with my mom! How could he? That's just, just … ugh!" I screamed and pressed my palms into my eye sockets to stop the impending tears.

"Huh?"

"You heard me! Is that what you fancy people do? Take advantage of nice folks, charm them with all your shiny stuff, your good looks, your smooth words, and your honeyed voices? Huh? You're disgusting!"

"What the—? Bella, I can't even make sense of what you're trying to say right now. My dad's not a smooth talker with …" Edward shook his head in confusion as I watched him put the pieces together at the same moment I'd realized my own word vomit that had erupted from my mouth.

I was mortified—angry—but mortified. And officially a stupid, stupid, enraged teenaged girl. _Had I really confessed all those things to Edward? _

"Wait, did you say honeyed voices?" he clarified.

I didn't respond. _Oh, God._

"Bella?"

"Go away," I whispered and hid my face in the dip between my knees with my arms wrapped securely around my legs.

"I don't want to go away. Come on, let's figure this out." He squatted down closer to me. "There has to be another explanation. Trust me."

"Explanation for what?" Jasper's chipper voice startled us both.

"Nothing!" we both said at the same time, as our eyes immediately flew to Jasper and then back to each other as if we weren't obvious at all.

"You guys okay? You're acting strange."

"Fine," we both answered again.

Jasper eyed me and my tear-streaked cheeks and then slid his gaze to Edward who looked lost. "Holy shit! Did you … did you touch her? Did you do something to my baby sister? Dude!" Jasper took off down the dock and pummeled Edward right off the edge and into the water. They struggled and fought for a few moments, bobbing up from beneath the water repeatedly while I stood there in shock.

"Jasper! Stop it! Edward didn't do anything. Let him go!" I hollered.

"Get off me, man!" Edward yelled.

"You don't touch my sister. Ever!"

"Jasper, stop!" I yelled.

They took turns trading punches, and all I could do was scream.

Our parents came running from different directions down the dock with all the commotion and noise signaling them. My dad dove straight into the water, yanking the boys apart.

Edward swam up, and I helped him up onto the dock. Jasper followed my dad.

"What's going on, Jazz?" Mom rushed in confusion.

"Oh my, Edward?" Esme sucked in a breath.

"Son, what's happened?" Carlisle insisted.

Everyone was speaking at once, but dad whistled. The kind of loud whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth and blow, which I'd never mastered. He silenced everyone instantly.

"Now, boys. Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Dad commanded everyone's attention.

"Edward did something to Bella, Dad," Jasper uttered.

"No, he didn't!" I yelled.

"Edward?" Carlisle reprimanded.

"He didn't! You did!" I screamed at Carlisle.

And everyone gasped. Then I realized my mistake. "No I mean, not to me. To Mom. I'm sorry, Dad, but I heard them. It's true."

My mom drew in a sharp breath, and the rest of the adults fell silent. Edward, Jasper and I waited for someone to say something next. Anything. Eyes darted everywhere, until my mom finally spoke.

"Bella, it's not what you think." I'd seen enough Lifetime movies back then to know that line was a pile of crap served on a cracker. Jasper's mouth fell open, so I assumed he felt the same as me.

Tears began to well up in her eyes, and her words caught in her throat._ What had I done?_ In that moment, I felt like a terrible person and a horrible daughter. A terrible, horrible daughter.

"Bells, Mom's sick, and Carlisle is homeopathic doctor. He's been giving her acupuncture treatments. We came here for two weeks this year because—Mom has been diagnosed with brain cancer and it's serious, kids. She goes in for surgery as soon as we return and then begins a round of radiation and chemotherapy. Carlisle has been kind enough to help us explore some other options in conjunction with typical protocol for a cancer at this stage. We planned to tell you both, but we didn't want to ruin this summer with the news. We wanted to have a summer to remember."

"I … uh … I …" I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't—

~oOo~

We left the lake that afternoon, and my life forever changed from that moment on. Mom had her first surgery and it was considered successful in the sense that they got all they could without turning her into a living vegetable. But the cancer wasn't gone. It would never be gone.

The rest of the summer I spent every moment I could with my mom at home. We chatted more, made dinners together, did Sudoku puzzles, watched crappy Lifetime movies, anything to keep the focus off of the obvious. Then we would go to her appointments at the hospital. I would hold her hair back when she got sick at home—until it began to fall out—and wet warm washcloths to sooth her pallid skin. I'd let her braid my hair and paint my toes like when I was five because it brought a smile to her face. She had good days and bad.

Jasper became more withdrawn and spent a lot more time at friends' houses, doing who knows what. When he did come home it was usually in the early hours of the morning, and he smelled like a brewery. I hated beer.

Things had changed—everything changed. Dad worked more hours to pay for the mounting medical bills, and our family was slowly crumbling to pieces, debris from a life we once had quickly piled around my feet. Family pictures and artwork hung on the walls in our home and haunted us daily, a constant reminder of what we once were, but all that remained within the walls was a shell of that old life.

I cried myself to sleep every night, praying for more time with my mom. Somehow I would end up dreaming of the blush-lipped boy at the lake who fondled his consonants, and I felt guilty and stupid for dreaming of him. The boy I didn't even get to say goodbye to before we left.

That summer at the lake house everything changed. Though it wouldn't be the last visit I made to the lake house, it was the last visit we would ever make as a family together.

* * *

**A/N Thoughts?**


	7. Smoke

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 6**

**Smoke**

* * *

**Current Day:**

Another year, another birthday in a matter of days, and my life was a complete shambles. Not a day had gone by when I didn't think of our times together at the lake. I could still conjure the scent, the faintest trace of burnt sparklers and the blush-lipped boy. If only my feelings for him had grown as thin as the streams of smoke, the sparkles left behind before being extinguished altogether. But my feelings for him did not dissipate like the smoke on the lake, they continued to smolder inside even after all these years.

Coming here was a mistake. I no longer belonged here.

His book remained next to the sink where I left it untouched. I hadn't opened it. I simply glared at the damn thing. Bold on the spine, the title of the book sent shivers down my own.

Here I was a grown woman, holding onto the detritus of my past life, watching it slip between the cracks of my fingers. Then slowly scooping it back into my hands—over and over—desperately clutching onto the silt particles of a life I never really had.

He was just a boy who taught me many things. Who exposed me to nearly all of my firsts. Who grew into a man that disappeared and now was back. No matter how I tried, he'd never truly been gone from my heart. Everyday his essence remained in my veins—coursing, pumping—sustaining the fragile remnants of my own life and never knowing.

I flipped the nozzle with my toe again, adding more water to my bath, and poured the remaining champagne, the good stuff, into my glass. Gulping it down in an attempt to mollify my melancholy, I remembered his words.

"Cheers," _he'd _said to me once.


	8. Pointe and Chucks

**Give thanks to AJasperforMe too because she keeps me supplied with lots of beata-ed chapters ready to go! All mistakes remain mine because I get twitchy if the chapter sits too long and then I tweak it. ;-)**

* * *

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 7**

**Pointe and Chucks**

* * *

**School Year 1997/1998:**

The first day of your sophomore year should be a good one, right? I mean under normal circumstances, you were no longer a geeky freshman, you knew the school, and all your old friends were in the same boat with you. That was if you spoke to any of your friends. I just couldn't find it in myself to fake the funk with most of the girls like Jessica and Lauren after what my summer had revealed. I'd changed.

My only true friend was Angela. Angela and I took dance together, and I often rode with her and her mom to the studio, especially after the change of events. Mom wouldn't let me quit dance no matter how much I pleaded, and though I didn't realize at the time, she had been right to insist I continue. Dance eventually became my only outlet.

Angela knew everything and stood by my side while everyone else sort of turned their back on me as if I carried a contagious disease. Kids were so cruel. If you laughed and joked like the rest of them and adhered to the social norms dictated on any given day, then you had half a chance fitting in amongst the chaos. But if you were consumed every waking moment with the reality that your mother's days were growing closer and closer to an unknown expiration date, and depression settled deep within your marrow as a result, there was zero chance of acceptance. I'd already had a difficult enough time trying to find my niche in the world of high school, and inadvertently I'd perfected the art of becoming a social outcast.

Jasper didn't seem to have the same problem at all. Everyone liked my brother, always had, especially Maria. Just the mere thought of her could send a shudder down my spine from repulsion. She was such a tramp and had to tell anyone who'd listen in the girls locker room what a great lay my brother was. It was bad enough I had to endure her blather about boys in general, but when it became specifically about my brother it was repugnant. Of course after hearing the latest gossip, Jessica and Lauren were back pestering me constantly about Jasper, my outcast status notwithstanding.

So my life at school essentially sucked, and that was just the first half of my first day back to school sophomore year.

By lunch, I began to hear the whispers increase, but I tried to block everyone out. I ate in the library, alone.

The final bell sounded and relief washed through me. I'd thought I'd never make it to the end of that miserable day. When I went to find Jasper at his locker for a ride, I found him sucking face with Maria. I squished my nose in disgust, a usual reaction to her presence, and waited with a huff by the locker bay across from his. Monday was the only day I didn't have dance after school, and that Monday it was torture.

"Oh hey, Bells. Need a ride, kid?"

"I am not a kid." I stared at him with narrowed eyes, and Maria just laughed in her throaty, sleazy way only she could master. She made my skin crawl.

"Do you want a ride or not?" he huffed.

"Forget it. I'll walk."

"Fine."

"Fine." And walk I did, all the way home. It took me twenty-five minutes, but surprisingly it felt good, and I cleared my head until I walked in through the front door safely submerged back inside my personal nightmare.

My mom was sick in the bathroom again. I wet a wash cloth and held it to her forehead. She tried to shoo me away, but I held her hand until she was better. Though she wasn't actually better. I wished a simple washcloth could soothe her troubles and miraculously heal her cancer, but those were remnants of the gossamer dreams that drowned at the lake. I made us both some tea, and she asked me about my day.

"So how were your classes?" She smiled.

I didn't even pay attention to what classes I'd been enrolled in or what electives I got. "Fine."

"How are all your friends?"

_What friends? _"Fine."

"How was lunch?"

_Lonely. _"Fine."

"Any cute boys?"

_Only one, but we left him at the lake._ "No."

"Oh," she sighed.

"How was your day, Mom?" I felt bad for being a moody brat, but I didn't want to talk about the social reject I'd become, or already had been, either way.

"Oh, you know. Just the same. But they have this new trial starting up, and they think I'll be a good candidate for it. So I'm going in tomorrow for a workup to see if I'll be eligible to participate this go round."

"Trial? Mom, I … don't you think …"

"Honey, your dad and I have talked about this with the doctors, and it only seems logical that we go at this aggressively. It's gonna be okay, all right? I promise." Her blue eyes had lost their luster.

She lied.

Only, I knew it wasn't intentional. "Okay."

I got her comfy on the couch, prepared dinner, and was starting my homework when my dad got home.

"Hey, honey. How was today?" I heard him ask my mom.

"Oh, you know …" Her voice trailed off, and I knew she was crying again. I stayed in the kitchen and flipped through my world history book. I didn't really give a crap about what happened in the past around the world. At that particular moment, I didn't really care about anything except what was going to happen to my mom. What would happen without her? I wondered. I must have replayed that singular thought over and over in my mind like a song on repeat.

Dad came in to the kitchen, and I noticed his own exhaustion. "Mmm, something smells good, Bells."

"Hm. Yeah, beef stew."

"How was school, kiddo?"

"Fine."

"Good." He offered a sad smile where his whiskers barley moved.

At least I could count on my dad not to dwell on a topic. He'd ask the requisite questions and move on. It was simple.

"Time check?"

"At least an hour," I told him.

"Where's Jasper?"

I just shrugged.

"Didn't he give you a ride home?"

"I wanted to walk."

"You walked home? Alone?"

"Yeah, it was a nice day and gave me time to think."

He narrowed his eyes and gave me 'the look', the one that said, 'he knows I'm keeping something from him', but I just stared back with a blank expression. He broke first and went to change. I was getting better at masking my true feelings. I'd become almost numb to the doleful home we inhabited.

Jasper was home in time to eat with us, but it didn't save him from the lecture he got when he returned about school nights, responsibilities, and his new curfew. Also Jasper was assigned clean-up duty since I'd made dinner. I smiled at that, then went up to finish my homework. That night, I fell asleep with only one thing on my mind—the boy at the lake—because the rest was simply too much to bear.

The second day of my sophomore year had been even more traumatizing than my first. I was shoving a folder into my locker right before the second bell.

"Green folders?" The voice sent chills down my spine as I spun around. "Bella."

I couldn't speak. The beautiful boy stood next to my locker, and I couldn't form a complete sentence. He looked the same but different—older—dreamy in his concert T-shirt and flannel. He'd perfected the art of grunge with his beat-up, charcoal Chucks and his messy hair.

"I'm really sorry for—" Edward began.

"You go here?" I blurted, cutting him off.

"Yep, first day."

"Oh."

"Look, Bella—"

"Ace! 'Sup? Dude, this year is gonna rock!" Jasper came up behind Edward and patted him on the shoulder. "Bells, look, I'm sorry for being a dick yesterday. You need a ride this afternoon?" I shook my head in response to Jasper, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Edward. "No, I've got dance."

"Oh, right. Well, I'm really sorry about yesterday. Seriously, I'll make it up to ya. How about this weekend?" I shrugged and offered an obligatory smile. Jasper nudged my shoulder and turned back towards Edward. "Come on Edward, I'll give you the unofficial tour around these halls."

Edward wore an apologetic smile, but Jasper had him under his wing as they headed down the hall, off to class as seniors. Jasper's voice turned shrill in my ears. "Hold on to your ass, 'cause this is it dude, we're seniors, our last year to screw around with zero responsibility required of us before we graduate! Trust me there are plenty of _fine_ girls even in our small town." I hated the connotation that spilled from my brother's use of the word 'fine'. I was suddenly anything but fine.

Our school was small but not small enough so I could secretly stalk Edward throughout the day. I was on alert though. Everyone was talking about the new boy—_my_ blush-lipped boy.

"So did you meet the new senior? He's been hanging with your brother all day." Angela caught me on her way to lunch so it made hiding out in the library a tad more difficult.

"Ange, that's Edward."

"Yeah, I know. He's really dreamy."

"No. Yes. I mean. That's, the-lake-house, Edward."

"No."

"Yes."

"Holy crap!"

I'd nodded because that was exactly the way I felt the first time I saw him.

"He is Mr. Fancy-have you ever had a champagne cocktail-I bought you some silver sparklers-lemme share your fruit each morning-Edward? Edward?"

"Uh huh."

"Holy crap!" she repeated. Yep, exactly the way I'd felt.

"Yeah."

"Yeah. So have you talked to him?"

"No. I mean he said hi, but Jasper hauled him away. I guess they forgot the last time they were together Jasper was beating the crap out of him."

"Well, guys are dumb like that. Ya know? I mean they pummel each other one second and are giving bro hugs the next. It's weird."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Anyway, that boy is gonna be golden here. Everyone is talking about him."

"I know." Although, the truth in that statement made me uncomfortable, and the sudden happiness to see him morphed into raging jealousy and irrational disappointment.

It didn't stop Angela and I from giggling about Edward on our way to dance. Once she'd seen him, all of my stories from the lake house became infinitely more exciting. For a few hours that afternoon I'd felt like a normal teenager again, for a few hours I didn't think about what was waiting at home, but when I walked in the door a little after eight, I was instantly reminded of what awaited me.

There was an aura around our home, a tenebrous energy that hovered, a thick blanket of grief and despair that hit you as soon as you entered the front door.

Before my mom had gotten sick, she would always be waiting up for me when I came in from dance. She'd be curled up on the couch with a book and her face would light up as I entered. Instead, I was greeted with a dark house in lieu of warm smiles.

~oOo~

The first month of school sped by, and my encounters with Edward were brief at best. My fifteenth birthday came and went with a quiet celebration at home, but Angela spent the night. We laughed and talked about Edward a lot that night.

"Have you kissed anyone yet?" I asked Angela.

She shook her head with disappointment. "No. You?"

"No."

"If Edward would have kissed you, would you have, you know. Given him the full on tongue action?"

"Ange!" I shushed her. My eyes flew to my closed door, and when I made sure no one had heard, I nodded and we burst out into a fit of giggles.

That was a fun night, but most were not.

Mostly my nights had become a carefully practiced tango. Sleep was like a mine field, between dreaming of Edward and losing my mom, I was never sure what I'd get when I closed my eyes. One dream I never wanted to end and the other I never wanted to begin.

~oOo~

The night of the unofficial back to school party was when the tides seemed to turn. Jasper had invited me to come with him that night. Dad was working late again, and Mom was having a good day so she encouraged me to go. She was always encouraging me to get out and have fun, insisting life was made up of all the little moments. I hesitated but finally agreed because Jasper said he'd swing by and pick up Angela too. Mom gave her drinking and driving lecture to Jasper, and he gave his solemn oath as he hugged her. He'd seemed to come around a bit. It was crazy how an extreme situation quickly became the norm, and we had no choice but to accept it as our own.

Once we were in his truck, he became my parental figure and took over where Mom left off. "Remember, don't drink anything from the punch bowl, only something from an unopened bottle that you open, and don't leave your drink unattended. Look Bells, I know I've been sort of an ass lately, but I do care. I just … it's hard, ya know? Things are all messed up now. It's not how … it's not …"

"I know." I looked across the seat of my brother's truck and for an unspoken moment, I thought things were going to be okay. At least I had my brother, and I knew together we would make it through this.

Angela and I weren't the only underclassmen at the party, but we were the only nobodies. People were everywhere dancing and laughing and drinking. We settled on a soda, because neither of us were really brave enough to have a drink, drink. I'd instantly thought of Edward and Angela read my mind.

"Too bad the golden boy isn't here to make us a fancy drink," she whispered, "I'd totally drink one of those."

We giggled and then Angela spotted Ben, who she'd had a crush on since eighth grade. He kept looking at her too, and I finally encouraged her to go talk to him.

"Go on, don't let my socially awkward status deter you from the cute boy."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm super."

"You're the best, Bella. I'll find you in a bit."

"Yep. Go."

I had no problem being alone but standing in the middle of all the chaos by myself was a bit overwhelming, so I ducked out the patio door. There was a little stream bed behind the house, and I found myself drawn to the trickle of the water. As I crossed the yard in the dark, I breathed in a breath of the fresh night air. The moon was bright and it reflected off the water. All it took was a moment, and I'd been transported back to the lake when things were still normal. When life was filled with thoughts of the blush-lipped boy who filled my days with intense stares, subtle innuendos I didn't fully understand, and small smiles that needed no further explanation.

"It's kind of loud in there, huh?" The voice struck me, and I spun around quickly.

"Edward."

"Hey." He smiled. " You look nice tonight, Bella." His eyes washed over me, and the look I'd been dreaming of for weeks was alight in his eyes.

"Thanks." I'd spent a little extra time on my hair and swiped a tinted gloss on my lips in hopes of seeing him at the party. Him commenting on it and noticing me was pure icing.

"So, Maria is uh …," he began, and I made a face without realizing. Edward was quick to catch it. "I take it you don't care for her too much."

"It's just she's … yeah. I don't really like her. My brother's different around her, and I don't know. I guess with everything …" I couldn't continue, the words caught in my throat.

"How's your mom, Bella?" His sincerity touched me. Edward never seemed like a typical seventeen year old, always surprising me.

"She's … today was a good day."

"That's good. How are you?"

"I uh—" His questions and concern were almost overwhelming on top of his glorious presence. It was almost too much to bear, and I was dangerously close to spilling tears and bawling like a baby.

"How bout we talk about something else." Even then he could read me, he knew when to slow down or pull back, as if he was inside my head.

I nodded.

"So I've been thinking. I know you're officially fifteen now …" he added a wink, "and uh, there's this concert in Seattle in November. I thought if you wanted, we could go. I'd um, like you to go with me, if you want." He watched me carefully, the intensity his eyes held: the life, the fire, the unspoken promises.

My face in return held a mixture of shock and befuddlement as if it was a direct reflection of my insides, the conflicting emotions I harbored. "I uh—you want to take me to a concert?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" I blurted.

"I just figured someone should expose you to some decent music before your brother corrupts your sweet, impressionable mind."

My heart sank with his comment. I went from shock and surprise to completely deflated in a matter of seconds, and my head fell as a result.

He took a step closer to me and placed a finger under my chin, tilting my eyes up to his. "I'm sorry. I was trying to be funny. I guess I blew it, huh?"

His eyes on mine and the whispered touch of his finger beneath my chin caused me to halt all words. So I shook my head, ever so slowly.

"Seriously, Bella. I'd really like to take you."

"Okay," I whispered. I really wanted him to take me—literally, figuratively—any way he wanted.

He was staring at me, his mind away in that far off place he would visit, but I had no clue what he was thinking. I only knew I silently wished he would kiss me. I wanted my first kiss to be from Edward so badly, and I wanted it to be right then. Instead he dropped his hand and motioned for us to sit. So I did. "It's The Verve."

"What?" I couldn't think straight with him sitting next to me under the moonlight.

"The name of the group. The concert."

"Oh. Okay."

"I played some of their music at the lake."

"Yeah, I remember."

"They have a new CD out. I could play it for you sometime. Maybe after school one day?" He nudged me with his shoulder, and for some reason it felt—flirty.

And because I was a complete moron I blurted, "I have dance."

"Dance? Like dance team?"

"No. God, no. I mean like dance for the socially inept weirdos like me who really enjoy classical ballet.

"And I thought you said I was weird. At the lake, remember?" The moonlight's reflection shimmered off the stream bed and lit his eyes as a ghost of a smile played on his lips.

"No, I said choosing grey as your favorite color was weird. You declared yourself weird after my statement."

"Hmm … yeah, you're right. So seems we're a couple of weirdos. Ballet, huh?"

"Mm huh, and tap and jazz and flex and pointe."

"Pointe, isn't that ballet, like where you stand on your toes?" He'd been trying to play it cool, but really he knew too much for a typical boy his age.

I giggled. "Yeah. Only we don't just stand there. There is quite a bit more to it."

He smiled and it caused the rippling again. Delicious tingles, waves deep in my belly, I hadn't felt since the lake house. "Wow. You've been dancing a long time." Only it wasn't a question, but I answered as if it were.

"Since I was five."

"So you dance every day?" He was thinking again, but so was I.

"Tuesday through Friday."

"But not Monday."

"Not Monday," I repeated.

"Maybe we could listen to the CD on a Monday sometime."

"Okay."

"So a Coke, huh?" He looked at the can I still held in my hand.

"Yeah, they didn't have a bartender. Maybe you should apply for the next gig. All they had was beer." In that moment I didn't over-think things. I'd felt so at ease, the teasing words just fell from my lips, remembering the cocktail he'd made me at the lake.

Edward's whole face lit up and his laughter washed over me along with the scent of his cologne. I inhaled and felt pleasantly drunk on the boy from my dreams.

"Hey, Ace."

"Jazz." They exchanged a handshake and one of those half hug shoulder pat things that boys often did as Edward stood.

"You ready to roll, Bells?" Jasper had come to check on me and broke our magic bubble, but I couldn't be upset. He'd kept his promise to Mom and was coming to take me home—sober. Jasper was making an effort to repair our bond. We said our goodbyes to Edward, and I felt the weight of his stare on my back as we took off.

The ride home was mostly quiet, but our playful banter returned and it felt comfortable. Even Angela noticed before we dropped her off.

"So good party, Bells?"

"Yeah." The best ever because Edward had found me, and we talked. Really talked and he'd invited me to a concert. I'd never been to a concert before, and I'd be going to my first with the blush-lipped boy. _Well maybe_, I'd thought, if my parents agreed. Just the fact that he asked me made me tingly all over. _He'd asked me!_ I realized I'd been grinning like an idiot over my internal musings again, so I asked Jasper about his night. "For you?"

"You know it. What has you so smiley?" Jasper eyed me with suspicion.

"Nothing. Just glad we're good again."

He seemed to accept my half-lie and smiled. "Yeah, me too! Love ya, Bells."

"Love you, too."

We got in before Dad, and I gave my sleeping mom a tight hug then turned in for the night. That night I dreamt of edgy lyrics and melodic voices inside a concert venue as I danced for Edward.

~oOo~

"Morning, sweetie."

The smell of bacon and hash browns on the griddle assaulted me as I entered the kitchen that morning. Mom was up and making breakfast. A glorious sight in all its casual simplicity.

"Mmm … smells amazing, Mom." She hadn't been up and in the kitchen for weeks so this felt huge, like everything was aligning and making a turn for the better.

"How was the party?"

"It was good." I tried and failed to hide my huge grin.

"Well, that's a lot better than fine." She smiled, her blue eyes had their luminosity back to them.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"So good wouldn't have anything to do with a certain boy from the lake would it?"

I had no idea why her comment surprised me like it did, because I knew she knew things, she always knew what was going on with her family, better than we did. Looking back, I guess it was the fact my mom was more like herself than she had been in a while. It was comforting to have her back.

I gave a tentative nod though, because talking about a boy, that boy, with my mom came with the requisite embarrassment.

"He's a good boy, Bella. And cute too."

I blushed with another nod of agreement.

"They're a nice family. Lovely people, giving, caring. I'm glad they became our neighbors at the lake."

"Me too."

"So, did he kiss you?"

"Mom!"

"What? I like to know these things, humor me. I still remember my first kiss. It's something you'll never forget, if it's good." She flipped the bacon and gave a dreamy sigh. At the time, I'd thought she was ridiculously insane and purposefully trying to make me blush.

"You do, want him to kiss you?" She turned back to me.

I gave the tiniest nod, and my mom just smiled wider. "Well then, enjoy every moment. You never know what the future will hold, but when the moments are good, immerse yourself in them, Bella. Each one as they come. You have a wonderful head on your shoulders, and you're turning into such a beautiful young woman. I'm so proud of you, sweetie."

"Aw! What about me? I'm not bad for your first try, right?" Jasper came down for breakfast.

"Of course, handsome." Jasper hugged Mom and gave me a quick wink. I remember looking at the two of them, so similar in so many ways, two of my favorite people in the world, and we all laughed. It felt good to laugh.

Dad chimed in a second later as he rounded the corner. "Morning, Bells." His mustache twitched in that particular way, and he smelled of Old Spice aftershave as I wrapped myself in his arms. My dad's strength would come to be tested, but that morning he was still my rock. That morning we were once again the family we had always been. That morning we ate breakfast together, and I committed every second of it to memory.

~oOo~

My mother's words would remain with me, and I tucked them away for a rainy day. The sky would open too soon and come to pour, and I would cling to her words.

I knew now what she'd really meant that day. You never do forget your first real kiss and mine was absolutely unforgettable.


	9. Way With Words

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 8**

**Way With Words**

* * *

**Current day:**

The book, his pristine book, sat there on the counter, long after I had dried off, toweled my hair and drank a water bottle empty. I knew the book wanted me to touch it, wanted me to read the words buried inside, but I purposefully left it in the bathroom so the image of the three bodies on the edge of the dock—with their carefree dangling toes, dipping into the water's edge—couldn't mock me any longer. It was a hauntingly beautiful sketch plucked straight from my memories.

I heard the laughter and whispering voices, turn to devastation and grief, and then to despair and emptiness inside my mind.

Many things circled around inside my head as they had for many years, but no one thought took precedence. No one thought was clear enough, or coherent enough to be conveyed, but then I remembered, I was alone and it didn't much matter.

The tears came as easily as the memories, I didn't need to open the book. I was completely smashed, and suddenly that thought occurred to me as well. I remembered my first taste of champagne, and then I remembered my first kiss. Simply more firsts tied to the boy who would eventually steal them all, the boy who was so sincere, the boy who held me when I cried, the boy who was there for me, the boy that would turn into the man that wrote the book. The book I refused to read.

He once told me I had a way with words. He once told me many things, but then he left without a word.


	10. First Kiss

**Warm hugs to all who continue to read and review, follow and favorite, silently stalk and spread the word about The Lake House. **

* * *

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 9**

**First Kiss**

* * *

**School Year 1997/1998:**

"Renee, I don't think this is a good idea."

"Charlie, she's fifteen. He's a good boy. Let him take her. She needs this. Please."

I overheard my parents discussing the upcoming concert Edward had invited me to, and to say my dad wasn't pleased was an understatement. He and Mom had been at it for over an hour while I paced up and down the hall.

The doorbell rang and I rushed to answer it, grateful for the distraction until I realized it was only more of a temptation.

"Edward?"

"It's Monday, and we seem to keep missing each other in school, so I thought I'd take a chance you'd be home."

My smile grew, and I couldn't suppress the perma-grin that broke on my face.

"Come on in."

"I brought the CD." He held it up as if an offering from the gods. To me at the time, it almost was.

"Bella!" My mom called as she came down the stairs. "Oh hello, Edward."

"Mrs. Swan, good to see you."

My dad was two steps behind her. "Edward." Only, Dad said his name dragging out the syllables, and he seemed less than thrilled with his presence at that moment.

"Hello, Mr. Swan." Edward stepped forward to shake Dad's hand as my mom stepped aside. If I knew my dad, he probably gave him the death squeeze to show he meant business.

"Seems you have impeccable timing, Edward. We were just coming to tell Bella she's allowed to go to the concert with you this weekend, but you need to be back by midnight."

"Charlie, we discussed this," Mom gave Dad her look that said she meant business and though it didn't come often, when it did, we all listened.

"Fine. One, but not a minute later. I don't care what time the concert ends. You have her back under my roof by one. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." Edward looked so adorable as he took my dad's words seriously.

I was stunned with the turn of events, however, I just stood there as my mom scooped me into one of her hugs. "I want you to have fun, Bella. A concert is a rite of passage, enjoy it with your sweet boy," she'd whispered in my ear.

_My sweet boy?_ I didn't think he was my sweet boy, though I desperately wanted him to be.

~oOo~

Riding into the city took just under two hours from the no-name town we lived in, and being with Edward in his car—alone—for two hours gave me much to immerse myself within. I'd remembered my mother's advice to enjoy the moments as they came, and I made sure to savor every second of that car ride.

"So what do you think of Verve?"

"Um, they're good. I guess."

"They have a liquid oceanic sound that blends with McCabe's echoing guitar leads. They're amazing. Say it." He leveled his globe green eyes my direction with a small upward turn to his lips, and I was lost.

"They're amazing," I whispered. Though I wasn't sure he heard me, and I wasn't referring to the group.

Listening to Edward talk about his music made me smile. The sound of his voice and enthusiasm was another thing I relished.

"I knew you'd like them. You're gonna love them live." He said with a carefree chuckle. I watched as his long legs moved beneath the dash and worked in tandem with his arm as he maneuvered the gear shift. I couldn't pry my eyes away from his fingers curled around the stick shift. His hands intrigued me like the rest of him. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Liar. What is it, Bella?" He was always inside my head.

"Watching you shift gears is …"

"You don't know how to drive a stick?"

I shook my head. "I just enrolled in the driver's Ed class and got my permit, but …"

"Right, I keep forgetting." His words drifted off.

"Yeah." Way to go, I'd thought to myself. _Way to remind him you're a fifteen year old baby._

"I could teach you. You could drive my stick. It's a smooth clutch. Easy to learn on."

I swallowed. The way he fondled his words, completely unaware, was incredibly satisfying. Oh, I wanted him to teach me. I was eager to learn anything he wanted to teach me in that moment.

"Shit. That didn't come out right. I wasn't …"

"I know what you meant." Though my thoughts were slightly more innocent back then, anything that involved his stick sounded succulently forbidden.

"Okay, good."

Then we went silent.

"How's your mom been?"

"Don't you and Jasper hang out like every day?"

"I guess. Why?"

"How come you ask about things you could ask him just as easily?"

"For one, we don't talk about that, it's off limits to him, and besides, I know you're close with your family. I only ask because I care, Bella."

"Oh." My voice fell away. I'd never had a boy say he cared before and Edward saying it made my vision fuzzy, my palms sweaty, and my breathing become shallow.

"Do you prefer we don't talk about her either?"

"No. I like that you ask. You're the only one who does besides Angela."

"Angela is the brunette that you ride with to dance?"

"Yeah."

Edward slipped into his contemplative place again, and as usual, he'd lost me.

Suddenly I felt like confiding in him. "She had a bad week last week. The new trial we thought was going well came with an influx of nasty side effects. The least of which secured her a permanent place near the toilet for three solid days."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"She was better again today."

"She had good color to her on Monday." Edward spoke as if he knew what he was talking about, as if he knew it personally.

Once again the beautiful boy almost unearthed a hidden layer to himself, but not quite.

"Yeah, she did."

Music replaced the conversation for a time and the eerie lyrics shadowed our conversation. Live Forever by Oasis came through Edward's expensive sound system.

When we arrived at the venue, excitement thrummed through me. I don't remember much about the concert, just a cacophony of chaos all around us as the blush-lipped boy sang along. He was mesmerizing. I watched him more than anything on the stage, he was the star attraction to me. He whispered random tidbits in my ear, and I'd lean into him just to be closer. Edward made me happy, whispering in my ear and casually touching me. My first concert was incredible.

I thought life couldn't get any better than that moment. In some respects I was right, though there was more good to come, it came with bad, and the delicious with disappointment.

We stopped for gas and Edward made a call home at the pay phone. As he hurried back to the car, I knew something wasn't right.

"What?"

"Bella, uh, your mom was taken to the hospital …"

I don't remember the words he uttered after that, all I remember was zoning out. I didn't dare ask anything I didn't immediately want the answer too. Edward drove with authority and kept whispering words of encouragement. He even reached out and held my hand, but instead of excitement zinging from his touch, his easy comfort was what I sank into.

The hospital was a zoo of the wounded and displaced. Edward's hands never left me as he guided us through the doors and we found Jasper and Dad.

"Thank God, you're here, Bells." Dad scoped me up like when I was small, and I noticed the loss of Edward instantly.

Edward made his way over to Jasper. "How is she?" he asked in hushed tones.

"Is … is …" I looked up at my Dad.

"Mom's stable now. Doc just came out. She had an episode, and we had to bring her in, another seizure." Dad's face had worry etched in his laugh-lines.

"Seizures?" Edward asked and looked between the three of us.

I nodded my head, and Edward seemed to understand the meaning behind my eyes.

"Edward, thank you for bringing my baby home safe. I—" My dad lost his words in the back of his throat, but Edward saved him the embarrassment.

"No problem, sir. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, son. Thanks though. You should probably get home to your family. I know your dad is waiting on you. He called here right after you checked in with him."

"Dad, I'm gonna bum a ride with Edward. Okay?" Jasper chimed in.

"Sure, son."

"Bells, you wanna come?" Jasper offered.

My eyes flew to Edward's, but I shook my head to the negative. I couldn't leave without seeing my mom.

"Go on boys, we'll call when we hear something else." Dad spoke in my place.

Time sucked you into a vortex inside a hospital. Seconds felt like hours and then before you knew it, literal hours had passed, leaving you confused as to where all the time had gone with no word and no answers. I drifted off on Dad's shoulder and sometime around ten a.m. the next morning, I was finally allowed to see my mom.

She was beautiful. It didn't matter that her color was all wrong, or that she had little hair, or that the blue in her eyes wasn't as vibrant. She was my mom, and I loved her, her beauty from within is what made her so well loved by us all.

"Mom—"

"Bella."

I crawled up as close as I could to her side in the hospital bed with all the wires and cords and machines clicking, and beeping in time. Her scent was unchanged, with all the things that had changed up to that point, her scent had remained succinctly—Mom. Just to be close to her, to inhale her clean linen scent and feel her rhythmic breathing was a blessing for that was the moment I knew. I knew this was fleeting. I knew life was finite and fragile. I knew my mother was truly dying.

"I'm fine. I'm not giving up, sweetie. It was just a glitch. Don't cry, baby. Shh …"

I allowed my mother to comfort me even from the hospital bed she rightly occupied, but I couldn't stop the tears. I silenced them but they fell all the same. I couldn't say how long I stayed in her arms, but we drifted off together. I slept in her arms until the sound of Edward's voice got my attention.

"Mr. Swan, how is she?"

"She's all right for now, stable. They are gonna keep her for a few more hours, but Bella needs to get some rest at home."

"Jasper's on his way with some lunch, but I think he wanted to stay a while. I'd be happy to take Bella home."

"That'd be great, Edward."

My mom didn't wake as Dad gently shook my arm, so I just kissed her cheek and told her I loved her close to her ear. The words came out on an exhale with a rushed breath.

Walking out of the hospital felt wrong, but I was exhausted and the company of the beautiful boy encouraged me. He held my hand and without thinking, I gripped back. His thumb stroked the top of mine, and he smiled at me in a way that said he knew everything. He knew not to speak yet.

Once safely inside his car again, I exhaled. His music was low in the background but it comforted me, and we drove in silence until we reached my front door.

"I don't want to be alone," I blurted.

"I won't leave you," he said.

Staring straight into his eyes, I believed him.

Once inside my house, gravity returned, and I suddenly felt the weight of the situation bear down on me. Enormous amounts of despair flooded my veins, and I could hardly make my way to my room.

"What am I going to do without her?" I blurted and my tears broke mid-sentence. Edward grabbed me close without hesitation. I buried my head in his neck and cried like a baby, no longer afraid of childish appearances. I wasn't worried about impressing anyone. I was consumed with fear.

"You'll just go on," he whispered after several minutes.

Sniffling and swiping at my face, I tore away and looked up at him. "What? How can you say that?" But he didn't release me, he gripped me tighter.

"Because it's true. It sucks, but it's true. Bella, my mom died two years ago. It's … it gets easier, but it never sucks any less."

"But, I thought—"

"Esme is my stepmom." Edward took a deep breath and continued. "My parents divorced when I was ten. Mom was, she wasn't stable. She loved us but she—it was a fucked up situation, and Dad didn't know what else to do. He moved her back to London to be near her family at her own request, and we stayed in the states. I'd fly out to visit twice a year, but she just kept getting worse. She had early onset Alzheimer's that was progressing at an unnatural rate. In her brief lucid moments she couldn't stand to see the way she hurt Dad and me, so she filed for divorce. He loved her though, we both did."

"Edward, I—" All words failed me.

"As if one life altering condition wasn't enough, she got hit with ovarian cancer a few years later, and by then she was really a mess. One of the treatment drugs, that did nothing for the cancer, coincidentally helped her to become lucid for the last couple of months of her life. I visited her during that time, it was a wonderful time, and remember thinking maybe it would all work out. Somehow, after five years of misery, I'd finally gotten my mom back. Two months later she died from the cancer."

I didn't say anything and neither did Edward after that, but he held me close. He knew my pain, and I finally knew some of his. Fear gripped my insides and the impending grief yanked me under. Wrapped in his warmth, I had cried myself to sleep. Snuggled together in my twin bed, the beautiful boy unknowingly became my rock in that moment, replacing my dad, and would help me through some of my darkest times.

~oOo~

Thanksgiving was emotional but we had much to be grateful for. Mom and I spent half the day in the kitchen. Propped on a stool at her insistence, I watched her wash, rinse and peel the potatoes. Her long fingers worked the cubed sections of potatoes into the ice water to preserve the color until it was time to cook them. Each movement she made she'd done so a thousand times before, but this time I missed nothing. I recorded everything, each nuance and expression; she loved the holidays.

"So, sweetie, how was the concert with Edward?" We hadn't had a chance to talk since the concert with her episode in the hospital.

"Great."

"Great is even better than good," Mom hummed with encouragement.

"Yeah. He held my hand," I blurted as if it was monumental. At the time it was.

"Your dad told me what a sweet boy he was, bringing you to the hospital and taking you home the next day. Jasper said he found you two in bed together."

"Mom!"

Her light laughter filled the kitchen. "He also said your face was red and swollen from tears, so he let Edward live. I'm glad you have Edward in your life right now, sweetie, he really is a lovely boy."

"We talk. It's weird because sometimes I feel so comfortable with him I almost lose myself, but he makes me so nervous at the same time."

Mom's smile told me she knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I really like him," I added.

"I know."

Jasper and Dad were glued to the T.V., watching football as Mom and I continued to chat and prepare our meal. Things felt almost normal, and I had decided to cling to hope.

The next couple of weeks flew by, and Christmas came and went. It was the start of a new year: 1998. It was a time for new beginnings, but for us, the Swan family, it was the beginning of the end. Mom had increased daily head pain, and a CT scan confirmed growth in the tumor again, so they scheduled another surgery. They shaved the baby fine hair Mom's body had worked so hard to regrow, regardless she remained beautiful. If she was scared, she didn't let on in my presence. I remember her strength, and her unsophisticated innocence had morphed into a classic grace.

Maybe I inherited her strength too, but at the time I sure as hell was unaware.

Again we waited, the anxiety clung to our bones, hoping and praying for more time, any amount of more. Mom came through the surgery just like before, but within weeks, we knew something wasn't right again. Participation in everyday life became difficult at best as we waited for results, constantly waiting. It was the end of January when hospice had brought a bed into our home.

Jasper and I didn't talk about it, but he never left my side. He helped me with homework and drove me to dance, as sick as Mom was some days her only words were those insisting I go to dance. Jasper never let me down. He was my silent partner. Dad took a leave of absence, and that was when we knew.

The hospice bed had remained in our living room for two weeks, how ironic that would be where my mother took her last breath. She died on February 15, 1998 in our _living room_. There was hardly a trace of life to be found in that room after that day.

Her last words to me were: "Savor every moment, Bella."

Dad, Jasper and I clung to each other at the service, but it was a blur. Afterwards, I slipped into a silent shock. The throngs of people that came to offer their condolences only added to my anxiety. I didn't go to school, or dance. I simply cried all day in my room until my throat was sore and sleep confiscated my grief at night. My dreams were transformed into nightmares; nothing subdued the pain for long.

Edward appeared at the entryway of my room unannounced a week later, and I looked at him as he hesitantly stood in the frame of my bedroom door. He didn't say anything, he simply exchanged a knowing look with me. Moving slowly, I didn't object when he crawled into my bed and wrapped his long limbs around my body. The sobs shook us both, but he clung to me and didn't let go. He knew. He didn't have to utter a word.

After he shared my grief, I rolled to face him in my tiny bed. He rested his chin on my head, and I inhaled his scent of strength. "I'm here, Bella. Tell me what you need."

I had no idea what the hell came over me, but I blurted it nonetheless. "Kiss me."

So he did. It wasn't a first kiss steamy romance novels were based upon. It was a gentle brushing of lips that shared similar grief, lips that understood one another, lips that needed each other, lips that could no longer stay apart. It was sweet innocence—perfection. The next day, I finally had a reason to get out of bed.

I went to my mother's grave and told her all about my first kiss. I left no detail unspoken—I shared how his hands cupped my face and made me feel precious while his lips only hinted at what was to come, but for the time being, the innocence was delightful—as I shared my story with my mom. I knew she was smiling at me as the sun poked out from behind the heavy cloud cover. I knew she'd heard me—I only wished I could have heard her.


	11. Tears

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 10**

**Tears**

* * *

**Current day:**

No matter how much time passed, I never missed my mother any less. Every day there was something new I wanted to share, things I longed to tell her, but couldn't.

Drinking and venturing into my past was a dangerous thing I often avoided, but that damned book was to blame. I braved the bathroom again scouring for more tissues amidst the tears that wouldn't fully retreat. Glaring at the reflection of my puffy swollen face, the mirror kindly gave back, I felt pathetic and weak.

Then my eyes fell, once more, to the book on the counter. It was a thick book at least five hundred pages. I ran my finger across the smooth cover and imagined—_remembered_—the feel of his flesh, marking my soul for the first time. A quiver ran through me with the memory. My anger grew. _How dare he write about the lake. Our lake. Us._ I shoved the book off the counter and flipped the light off with finality before I left the bathroom.

Things had morphed quickly after Mom passed, but life did indeed continue, like the insightful boy had alluded. However, the things that came were some of the greatest conundrums I would ever come to know.

* * *

**More Thursday **


	12. Hidden Strength

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 11**

**Hidden Strength**

* * *

**Spring/Summer 1998:**

After the _kiss,_ I'd found the strength my mother always said I had, and I returned to dance. I'd almost become a stranger in my own life, and though I tried to participate, it was easier to just be present. Dance became my life. I would lose myself within the music I moved to, and in those moments, I felt closest to Mom. If I wasn't at school, I was at the studio. I didn't share the details of my first kiss with Angela though, I enjoyed the idea of only my mom knowing my secret.

With my newfound strength, Jasper became withdrawn and was rarely present. Dad worked an increasing number of hours to cope with his grief. I guess we all had our ways of dealing—none right or wrong.

I didn't see Edward for a couple of weeks after the kiss, and when I did, we both had an understanding, as if we knew it was our secret. As if we knew it wouldn't happen again. Though I couldn't deny the ridiculous hope that reared her ugly head every time I saw him. The secret hope that it would happen again—that I really wanted it to happen again.

The days turned to weeks, and the weeks became months, but life did indeed continue as it always had. Time did not stop and share our grief, time kept moving and propelled us along. It was the beginning of May when I ran into Edward in the hallway after school.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hi."

"So it's Monday, you got any plans?"

I shook my head to tamp down any excitement that was already beginning to bubble deep within my belly.

"Good. Come on."

I didn't ask any questions, I'd have gladly followed Edward to the ends of the Earth just to spend more time with him.

He didn't reach for my hand, but he kept pace with me and our bodies fell into a rhythm of their own as I followed him to his car.

"Wanna drive my stick?"

Immediately I knew what he meant, but my first thought had nothing to do with his car. My first thought had buried that sweet, chaste kiss along with my mother, and suddenly, my mind was two hundred pages deep in one of my mother's old romance novels (it was the good part).

"Bella?"

I began nodding my head when I realized I'd completely spaced out again, lost within the consonants Edward fondled. "Yeah."

"Cool, hop in!" He drove us around back to the empty teacher's lot. I hadn't been inside his car since the concert back in November, but the energy between us inside his car was undeniable.

"Okay, you're going to …" He began his easy explanation of how to depress the clutch and so forth, explaining things with his hands, but I was hardly listening to anything he said. I only wanted to be closer to him. I absorbed every movement he made, and each word he spoke penetrated my flesh.

"That was better." He laughed when I stalled again, and the sound instantly transported me back to the lake. "It's a fluid exchange, Bella. Gently give it some gas as you apply the same resistance to the clutch when you release it. Every car's different. There's a soft spot, you'll feel it, and that's when you let it go. Try again."

The next time I tried, I focused on the way his lips had touched mine and how gentle and fluid they were.

"Holy shit. You did it! Okay now speed up a bit and shift down into second when you feel it. It's easier than first. Once you've mastered first the rest come easy."

My mind was spinning, and suddenly I was in overdrive, the hum of the motor beneath me, Edward talking about gears and my brain converting them to bases with the nearness of him was overwhelming. So I stalled again.

"I suck at this," I huffed.

"No, you don't. Bella, you're doing great. Try again."

We made several laps around the lot that afternoon, and by the end of our time together I had successfully made it from first to second in his car, though not in the way I'd imagined in my dreams.

"So next time we need to find a deserted back road to take you out on, so we can get some speed beneath you." Edward chatted as he drove me home that afternoon.

We pulled into my driveway, and Edward looked over at me. "What?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Bella?" He always knew how to get inside my head, and that thought alone made me cave quickly.

"I was just thinking about the gears, and how easy it all seems when I watch you drive." That was only part of what I was thinking, but it was the only thing I dared to mention.

But he missed nothing. "You watch me drive?"

I nodded, and he clenched his eyes shut at the same time he allowed his head to fall back on his headrest with a heavy exhale.

"What?" It was my turn now, though I'd tried and seemed to fail gaining access to the locked recesses of his mind. Edward only allowed me in a few times and it had been very brief on each occasion.

"Bella, we can't … I can't …" Jasper honking his horn startled us both, and Edward never finished his sentence.

We both emptied out of the car as Jasper walked up to Edward.

"Dude, thanks for bringing Bella home for me." Jasper and Edward shared a head nod.

I looked at Edward, but he avoided my eyes.

"Sorry, Bells, I know I promised to be available on Mondays but something came up," Jasper spoke as if I cared. We hadn't really talked for weeks.

"Whatever." I turned and stormed up our steps away from the direct cause of my humiliation again. Jasper had sent Edward on an errand, and he helped the pathetic sister of his best friend out again. I'd been a fool to even think he wanted to spend time with me.

"What's with her?" Jasper questioned.

I didn't hear Edward respond.

"So did you ask Lucy to prom?" Jasper's voice struck me like shrapnel, caught in a crossfire, and the pain shot through me. It was entirely too much to bear. Lucy was one of Maria's lackeys. Jesus, I'd been so blind, so completely stupid. Of course he'd be going to prom—with a girl. A girl that was not me.

"Jazz," Edward almost hissed.

I let the screen door slam on my way in and flew up the stairs to bury myself beneath the comfort of my bedding. And I cried, huge gut-wrenching sobs over a stupid boy and my own humiliation. I missed my mom terribly in that moment.

I avoided Edward after that.

Jasper and Edward went to their senior prom, and I had my end of the year dance recital a week later. Dad attended my recital and took pictures, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was the same. Dad even bought me flowers, but they died the next day. Mom had missed Jasper's prom and my very first recital since I'd begun dancing at age five. Though, I danced for her regardless of her absence.

Jasper and Edward graduated a week later and Mom had missed that too. They both shared a sense of accomplishment despite the fact neither one of them had their mothers present to dote on them. Sure Edward had Esme, but that could hardly be the same. I still felt bad for Edward even though he unknowingly ripped my heart out and trampled all over the remains.

That was only the beginning of the firsts Mom would miss, but somehow they would always remain some of the hardest firsts she was no longer present to experience and enjoy.

~oOo~

Near the end of June, we got the phone call. Carlisle knew what a rough time Dad was having, and he invited Jasper and I along to the lake house for the July 4th weekend, knowing Charlie wasn't ready to return.

Jasper was thrilled with the idea, and since I was apparently a masochist, I suddenly entertained the idea as well. Only I wasn't almost fifteen and never been kissed. I was almost sixteen, and I went shopping for a new bikini.

We arrived at the lake on Jasper's eighteenth birthday. Dad had agreed to let us stay in our shack and even gave Jasper the keys to the boat with the understanding that Carlisle was to keep an eye on us at all times. _Whatever._

Pulling into the gravel drive in Jasper's truck was harder than I'd imagined it would be. We shared the silence, neither of us wanted to admit to, the memories had already begun to seep inside. When we arrived, Carlisle helped Jasper with the boat, and I unlocked the door to the bittersweet memories housed within our tiny lake house.

When I walked through the empty space, opening windows as I went, I bit back tears and forced all my sadness and grief aside. Esme had rescued me quickly and we prepared dinner at their place. I wasn't as naïve as I'd been the previous summer, experiencing the death of your mother changes a person. We all ate together that evening, and I was no longer afraid. I had nothing left to hide as I ate in front of the blush-lipped boy.

I politely helped Esme clean up and excused myself. Back in the small kitchen within our shack, the gingham curtains hung the same as they always had, and the breeze blew them around while I set to work. I finished off the remaining chapters of a book as I waited for the cake to cool. As I was giving the frosting the last touches, Jasper came in.

"Happy birthday," I whispered. He was eighteen, a legal adult.

"Bells, thank you!" Jasper closed the distance between us, and I fell into his arms. We hadn't talked much since we buried our mother, and things had been different between us, but I knew he still loved me. I didn't allow my tears to surface, nor did he, but I did lean into his hug and squeezed a little tighter that night.

"It's chocolate, your favorite."

"Like Mom used to make." The whispered words from his lips were not a question.

I nodded.

"You're the best, Bells."

We shared a slice with a glass of milk in the tiny kitchen, enjoying the silence.

"I'm going to Udub in the fall, so I won't be that far away. Bells, you gonna be okay at home?"

I wasn't stupid, I knew Jasper had applied to college. The reality that he'd be moving out had occurred to me often, but I would have been lying if I said the thought didn't sadden me.

"Yep. I've got the awkward reject thing down now. My junior year should be a breeze. Everyone avoids me."

"Bells—"

"Save it, Jazz. I'm fine," I'd cut him off, afraid to hear his pity.

"You know you can talk to me, right? I know I've been absent lately, but …"

"Jazz, you don't owe me any apologies. We've had a truly fucked-up year!"

"Bella?"

"Please, save the lectures. Honestly, I'm not in the mood." I knew my outburst was shocking, but I was tired of always holding it in.

"I was just gonna say, I think that's the first time I've ever heard you swear."

"Meh, guess I'm growing up. It seemed befitting of our situation, wouldn't you agree?"

"Most definitely! You know, Bells, you are growing up."

We exchanged a look, but I didn't say anything.

"I've got plans to meet up with some friends from school down near Maria's dock later. You wanna come?"

"No. I'm good. I've got cake and a new book. I'm much better with fictional characters anyway."

Jasper gave me a sad sort of smile and a quick hug before he left. I didn't ask about Edward because I didn't need to. I knew he'd be going to hang out with the rest of them. Back in the comfort of the small room within our shack, I'd changed and pulled out my book.

It was quiet, and as much as I wanted to lose myself in the perfection of the fictional characters between the pages, my mind wouldn't shut down. I slammed the book shut. I don't know what came over me, but my anger bubbled. I threw the book as hard as I could across the room and sank into my bed with pent the up heartache and heartbreak assaulting me. I cried out for the loss of my mother, the loss of my family, and then I cried out for the loss of the beautiful boy whom I'd never really had but wanted all the same.

Mid tantrum I heard the key in the front door and quickly erased all signs of my pity party. I didn't want to upset Jasper.

When the soft knock came at my door, "Bella," the voice surprised me. I hadn't heard him so close in months.

It was ridiculous, but I didn't respond. I didn't want to talk to him and did all at the same time.

"Bella, I know you're in there. Jasper told me you were staying in. I was hoping to see you at the party."

"You both can stop the tag team babysitting gig. I'm fine. And I'm not your responsibility, Edward. Honestly, go back to _your_ friends."

"Bella, I'm here because I want to be. Please let me in."

"Go away, Edward."

"Bella."

"Just go," I insisted.

"Fuck." It was an exasperated whisper, but the next words held an intensity, a much harsher frustration carried behind them. "Just open the damn door!"

I had no idea what infuriated me more the fact he wouldn't go away, or the fact I didn't really want him to. I crossed the room in three quick steps and yanked the door open.

"What—"

But before I could get the rest out, he'd rushed me and had his hands wound in my hair. His mouth was hot on mine. This was nothing like the sweet first kiss he granted, this was liquid fire rushing my veins. His tongue was soft, warm and demanding. Edward kissed me like I'd dreamt of ever since we'd first met a year ago. His need burned beneath my flesh as he completely devoured me. His gravelly moans sent shivers and pulsing sensations to places that begged to be touched by him. Only him.

"God, Bella," he groaned and pulled away all at once.

My breaths came hard in short pants as did his, and we stared at each other.

"I …"

"Shit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't …" He'd started his retreat almost instantly.

"Stop. Please?" I begged him with my eyes to give me some answers.

"Bella, I'm eighteen now and you're … you're … shit! I don't know what I'm doing, but I think about you all the time. I can't get you out of my head, and you're—" He stopped speaking and looked beyond me, but my eyes never left his perfect face and sad eyes. "You are fifteen, and you're so goddamned innocent and sweet and trusting. I'm not good for you."

"I don't care."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Yes, I do! I may be younger, but I'm not an idiot."

"God, I wish …"

In that moment I'd become braver than I ever had been before. I took a tentative step closer, and Edward and I were once again toe to toe. He didn't move, as I reached up on my tiptoes and ran my hand up the back of his neck over the freckle I knew was hidden there. His breaths became shallow as I inched closer and grasped his hair between my fingers. He released a low, strangled moan from deep in the back of his throat as I parted my lips and slowly pressed them to his for the briefest of seconds before I dragged my tongue along his blush-tipped lip like I'd imagined the first time I ever saw him. The intensity of our mouths melding this time raged between us.

His hands were back in my hair guiding my head, and the boy kissed me senseless. He definitely knew how to kiss and had been holding back the first time. It was better than anything I'd ever read in a lousy book.

"Bella …" The way he'd whispered my name on my lips ripped through me, and I knew in that moment I'd give him anything he wanted.

"Shh. We don't have to talk," I urged.

He groaned again at my offer and lowered his forehead to mine. "Don't make this easier for me. I don't want to take advantage of you. Bella, please. I really care about you." His warm breath washed over my face, but all I could focus on was having his lips back on mine.

"You're not taking. I'm giving."

"No. Shit. I shouldn't be here. I've gotta go." He was out the front door before I could object.

That night my dreams wound with the reality of our stolen, secret kisses and it was sinful. I had it bad for the boy, but at least I'd finally discovered he had felt something for me in return.

~oOo~

I was up at the dock early the next morning after peeking in on Jasper, snoring soundly in the other room. The lake remained unchanged, but everything else was vastly different. I ate fresh strawberries as I sat on the edge of the dock only I didn't devour them. I savored every bite. Each ripe berry burst inside my mouth with flavor as I sat and thought about the decadent kisses I'd shared with Edward.

"Are you trying to kill me?" His voice crept up from behind, dripping with desire.

I didn't turn around, but it pleased me to know I'd affected him so. I took another bite of the ripe berry.

"Bella." My name became a warning on his lips. "We should talk."

I chewed and swallowed with purpose.

"Aren't you hungry?"

He didn't respond as he sat beside me, our legs dangling from the edge of the dock.

"Don't you like strawberries?"

"Bella, I don't want to play games. What you're doing isn't going to work, trust me you'll be the only loser."

Out of all the things I'd imagined him saying that was most certainly not one of them. I turned to glare at him, and then without a word I stood up and left the dock. The screen door to our shack slammed but didn't wake my brother. I pulled on my rubber boots, grabbed a pack and left a note for Jasper.

The short hike to our rock helped to clear my head, but I was fuming. Edward was unbelievably infuriating. _I'd be the only loser. Of course, wasn't I already?_ His words sliced into my flesh and hit bone. I thought he'd felt what I felt, I thought he—I was so incredibly naïve. _Fucking stupid!_

I sat at the rock and drank down a bottle of water. It was quiet out there until I heard footsteps.

"Are you crazy?" My brother's voice broke the silence.

I just stared at him a dared him to continue.

"Bells, you shouldn't be up here alone." But as he got a closer look his words fell away. "What's going on? Talk to me."

"Seriously, Jasper!" I wanted to talk to him about Edward, but I couldn't so I took the easy way out and went with the obvious. "Think about it. Mom's gone, she's never coming back, and now you're leaving me, and Dad is half present at best on any given day. I feel like I'm all alone. So I may as well start standing on my own."

"Bells, I'll stay. Just say the word, and I'll stay behind. I'll put off school for a year. Fuck, I'm so sorry! I miss her too, you know." The tears came fast down his cheeks, and there at the rock we finally shared our grief. We cried together, and I snuggled into my brother's arms. Then we sat for what felt like hours, silence spreading between us.

"You have to go. I promise I'll be okay, but, Jazz, please don't shut me out anymore. I need you."

"I know. I'm sorry. I promise to not shut you out anymore. Love you, Bells."

"Love you, too."

By the time the sun began setting we made our way back down the trail, and we found easy conversation, the laughter gently swallowed the tears.

Jasper had checked in with Carlisle and Esme, but we declined their invitation to eat with them, preferring to grill burgers on our deck. We were still out front when Edward walked up.

"Is this a private party? Or can I crash?"

"Ace! Don't be ridiculous you're always welcome."

Edward's eyes found mine, and I'd almost forgotten his hurtful words. Until one word circled inside my mind: _loser._

"I'll just let you two be. I'm gonna go clean up." I couldn't stand to be there and pretend. I hated make-believe.

"Bells, wait. I'll help." Jasper stood up, but I insisted he sit.

"I got it." My words came out more forceful than I intended because my eyes fell on Edward again. He looked so damned desirable it wasn't fair. I knew he was right; I wanted him, and I was the loser.

I hid out in the kitchen, avoiding them as long as I could then gave a lame excuse to Jasper and went to bed.

As I woke the next morning ready to face a new day, I remembered my mother's words: "Don't ever apologize for who you are." Then I pulled my new bikini out of my bag and decided I didn't need a stupid boy to like me. I painted my toes firecracker red to match and made my way to the dock to soak up a little sun while they dried. I ate fresh blueberries from a bowl and felt I was one with the peaceful serenity on the lake.

"Shit," I heard his whispered curse and turned to glare at him before he could say anything else. "Bella …"

"Please stop saying my name like it holds some special meaning to you. You've made it abundantly clear that I'm the loser here. I just want to enjoy the rest of my weekend."

Edward stopped in his tracks, he skimmed my entire outline as if he wished his eyes could taste my flesh the way his mouth had only begun, and when his eyes roamed over my body like that I wanted to grant him access to anything he longed for. When his gaze returned to mine I smiled a little because I knew he liked what he saw, and for the first time ever I felt beautiful. Though it was fleeting.

"What's the matter Edward? Afraid I'll bite?" I'd found a hidden stash of false bravado and repeated lines I'd read in a book, but it didn't matter because he bought it, and I knew I was officially playing with fire.

"Uh … um … your … um …" The boy was tongue-tied and it felt wonderful to give him a dose of his own medicine.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Jasper blurted barreling down the dock bypassing Edward.

I sent him daggers for his words as well. "A swimsuit. You know, you put one on so you can take a dip in the lake."

"Whoa, that is not a suit for swimming, that's a … shit. You need to go change. Dad would totally kill you if he caught you in that."

"Newsflash, Dad's not here, and you're not my parent, Jazz. Besides I like it. It's festive. I wiggled my red toes in the water, and Jasper yanked me up by the arm.

"Bells, I'm serious. You are not going to hang out on the boat in that … thing … with my friends all day. I will not have them …"

"What? You won't have them what, Jazz? Say it? Am I that much of an embarrassment to you? Dang, you're such an ass! Don't worry all Maria's little harpies will have far less on than I do, and no one will look twice at Jasper's pathetic baby sister!"

Any feeling I had of being beautiful quickly retreated and was overshadowed by extreme humiliation as I raced back to our shack and locked the door to my room. I looked in the mirror at the crestfallen girl staring back in her red bikini with strings that tied on the hips. I yanked off the top and grabbed a white T-shirt slipping it over my head.

Then I pulled out my book and read until sundown. When I surfaced, I saw a note on the kitchen counter from Jasper, an apology, but I wasn't ready to forgive him so I crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge as the phone rang.

"Bells, you kids doing all right?"

"Yeah, we're good, Dad. You?"

"Yeah. Just wanted to hear your voice. Is Jasper around?"

"Nah, he took the boat out earlier, but he's down at Maria's now."

"Bells, he's being responsible, right?"

"Dad, Jasper's good. We're fine."

"I really wanted to head out that way tomorrow, but it looks like I'm gonna have to work. I'm sorry."

"Dad, it's fine. We love you, we know it's hard. Just—we're fine. Don't worry."

"You're a great kid, Bells! Love you."

"Love you too, Daddy."

I turned to place the phone back on the base and saw Edward standing at the door. His gaze hadn't lessened its intensity, and he didn't try to hide the fire in his eyes.

"Jasper's down with Maria and them. He asked me to drop the keys to the boat by on my way home."

"Are we still playing this game?" I spat.

"What?" Edward tried to play dumb, but I saw right through him.

"You don't have to make stuff up, it's insulting. You used to at least give me a little more credit, when you ignored me."

"I could never ignore you. That's the problem."

"Yeah. Whatever. Just own up to it and admit Jasper asked you to check on me."

"He didn't."

"Sure."

"He didn't! I practically begged him for the keys so I'd have a lame ass excuse to see you." That had shut me up as Edward closed the distance between us. "You really have no clue do you?"

"Clue about what?" I treaded lightly. He'd played this trick before, and I was beyond tired of falling for it.

"How much I want you. How much you affect me."

His words and the nearness of him had knocked the breath from my lungs. "Mmm."

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" I couldn't move, he paralyzed me with his stare.

"Tell me to stop," he whispered, centimeters from my mouth.

But there was no way those words would ever leave my lips. I stood my ground, unmoved. Mute.

His mouth was back on mine, and the memory of the previous kisses all tangled inside. All the heat and desire and need coursed through us. I followed his lead, and we were a blur of teeth and tongues, tentative hands wanted to race, roaming over uncharted territory. Chaste as the areas were, it felt ridiculously erotic. Neck and shoulders, arms and back, he explored my body as I did his. Slowly his hand moved around in between us, and he used the backs of his fingers to brush the underside of my cotton covered breast.

The sound I'd emitted was nothing short of raw desire. I had no clue what it was that felt so right, but I'd leaned into his touch, wanting more.

"Mmm …" His groan sounded more like agony than pleasure, but then his thumb moved upward and swept over my pebbled nipple.

"Mm." My answering moan was merely a squeak as he traced his thumb around the taut nipple through my shirt.

"Shit," he whispered as he broke for breath. He backed away slightly, allowing his hand to drop, and stared at me. "You're beautiful, Bella. I've wanted to tell you so many times. You were beautiful in your plain blue swimsuit and in the green one, you're beautiful at school and coming home from dance, but on the dock this morning in the red bikini, you were absolutely sinful. Right here, right now, I can barely control myself. Bella, I really want to teach you things I shouldn't be thinking about."

I'd heard all of his words and some were flashing in my head like a cautionary light demanding my attention, but I'd ignored them all. "Teach me!" I blurted, only my voice was thick and needy.

His penetrating stare along with his advancing steps propelled me backwards and we ended up in my room, hovering near the edge of my bed. "Have you ever touched yourself, Bella?"

Those were not the words I'd been expecting. All of my courage suddenly seemed to abandon me, but I shook my head anyway. I wasn't quite sure what he was asking.

"Tell me to stop," he warned me again, but I didn't listen.

~oOo~

I would never regret any of my firsts with Edward Cullen. What I regretted was him leaving.

* * *

**Are you still reading?**

**Next chapter is a ****full-length too. See you next week!**


	13. Trust

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 12**

**Trust**

* * *

**Summer 1998:**

_"Tell me to stop."_

"No."

"Do you want me to touch you?"

"Yes."

"Lie down, Bella."

So I did. I inched my way up the small twin bed in my red bikini bottoms and my V-neck white T-shirt, nervous energy raging in my veins. Edward hovered and then followed me down onto the bed. We lay there side by side for several minutes without exchanging words.

He traced the outline of my dusky areola with his index finger above my T-shirt, and I gasped. It was incredibly exciting. His slow movements made the sensations begin to pulse in places I wanted him to touch and teach me even more about.

"Does that feel good, Bella?" The whisper spilled from his plush lips.

I nodded, my eyes wide and searching.

He continued to trace the outline then did the same with the other. My breaths came harder, but I willed my eyes to remain open. I wanted to watch him. He changed direction and trailed his fingers down the front of my shirt stopping to trace my belly button before dipping under the hem of my shirt. When his flesh finally met mine I could no longer keep my eyes open. His determined fingers skimmed my heated stomach, and he traced a slow path back towards the top, taking my shirt with him.

"You're flawless," he whispered, his words warming my sensitive flesh.

My eyes popped open as I realized he hovered inches above my bare breasts. He cupped my pert breast with a firm hand, maintaing eye contact with me as he lowered his head. I watched as his pink tongue peeked out, and he flicked my nipple as if in question.

"Mm." The squeak escaped me again, and he smiled before he began his tutelage.

His hot mouth took my nipple in, and he sucked and flicked until he had me squirming beneath him. The pressure and excitement kept building, and I felt a growing wetness between my legs. His tongue did laps and circles until soundless fireworks burst behind my eyelids. I provided sounds to replace the silent pyrotechnics that exploded inside my body, sounds that should have embarrassed me, but I couldn't care less as the raging pleasure ripped through me.

"Holy shit," he breathed. "Did you come?"

"Huh?" I wasn't a complete moron but at that moment, everything was all jumbled inside my brain, and I couldn't make sense of what he was asking. _Didn't he know? Wasn't it obvious?_ I wasn't even sure. Having no frame of reference at the time with no prior experience, I thought I had come, but I couldn't be sure, and since he was asking, I'd doubted myself. He was the teacher, and I the lowly student. _Did I fail?_

"You know, did you …?" He'd encourage me to answer without finishing his question.

"Don't you know?" I'd blurted out of confusion.

"Well, it's not really the same for guys as it is for girls. We're a lot more obvious." He laughed uncomfortably.

"Oh."

"So?" he urged.

"I've never—so, I don't … it felt really good. I think I definitely," I nodded repeatedly, "Yeah."

A smile broke out on Edward's face, and it made me smile too.

"Yeah? Cool. I've never done that before."

I threw him a questioning look.

"No. I mean, I've done _that_ before, but no one's ever come with only my mouth on their nipple. You're body is, uh—you're very responsive."

Suddenly my face fell. The slightest implication of another girl made me feel weird, used, and I didn't like the feeling.

"Shit! I've done it again. I'm sorry. Bella, look I've been with—I've done things—you're not my first." The last part of his explanation came out in a rush of words.

"I know." At least I'd assumed. "I'm just—" I'd held back irrational tears that threatened.

"Don't. Don't make excuses or apologize to me. Don't ever apologize to me. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I know better. My mom raised me better. I'm … I'm not a complete asshole. That's why I wanted to stay away. Shit, this is—damn. Bella—Fuck."

"Please, don't!" I wanted to stop him because I was the one being ridiculous, and I knew it. "Edward, that was amazing, and I'm glad you did it. I, uh, really liked it. I really like your mouth." I was babbling again because talking about it was far more uncomfortable than freely enjoying the feel of his tongue on my skin.

Edward only smiled wider, but with the realization of my last utterance, my eyeballs nearly popped out of my head. I wanted to crawl out of the bed and slip into a hole. Instead, I turned away from him and covered my face with my hands. My verbal vomit was horrific.

"You're sweet when you're embarrassed." He leaned closer and whispered into my ear, "and you're really sexy when you come. I like your mouth too." He leaned away, and then back in quick succession while I remained hidden behind my hands. "But I really _liked_ my mouth on your body, Bella. You taste incredibly sweet. Just like I'd imagined."

His heated words were an unexpected delight, but I wasn't ready to come out of hiding.

"I want to kiss you again." His whisper turned to small kisses he trailed down my neck, and the pleasure he sent shooting through my body trumped my embarrassment. He found my mouth, and we kissed until our lips were numb and his breath was as ragged as mine. The throbbing and pulsing I'd felt in response to his lethal kisses drove me to the edge. I wanted him, his hands, to touch me lower but he didn't.

"Bella, I really like kissing you, but I … I need to go. I, uh—"

"Please don't go, Edward." I nearly begged as my voice cracked on his name.

"I'm not leaving, not like you think. I just … I can't lie next to you anymore, just kissing and not embarrass myself. You've got me so worked up, Bella. I—"

"Oh." Realization dawned on me, and I blushed.

"Yeah." He leveled a seriously sexy look my direction, and I thought I'd melt or spontaneously combust.

"I could—" Only I didn't know what I could do. I'd never done anything with a boy other than Edward before and he knew.

"No, Bella. Not tonight. I'm just gonna go, but I'll see you at the dock in the morning?" He offered like a question as if there were any doubt.

"Okay." I smiled.

So did he. "Sweet dreams, beautiful."

"You too, Edward."

"My dreams are always sweet when you're in them, and by sweet, I mean torturous in a good way. A very good way." He winked and gave me a chaste peck on my swollen lips before he left.

I had sinfully, sweet dreams that night, and they all starred Edward Cullen doing things I was far too embarrassed to mention but shamelessly wanted to explore with him all the same.

~oOo~

I slipped on my blue suit and grabbed a banana, remembering our first encounter on the dock a year ago as I headed for the exact spot. Edward was already there. He turned when he heard my footsteps and jumped up to meet me halfway.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Hey." He returned my smile with an even bigger grin, and he kissed me quickly as if a nervous schoolboy.

"I brought a banana. Wanna share?"

"Sure."

He held my hand, and we ate the banana as we sat shoulder to shoulder on the dock.

"So—" he began but stalled.

"So?"

"Look, Bella. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing. I only know I can't stay away from you anymore. Jasper and I are pretty close, and I'm sure he's not gonna like the idea of this. So you need to tell me what you want."

"What I want? I don't know. I just, I don't care what Jasper thinks. I—" My mind was racing. I still felt nervous, and I wasn't entirely sure what Edward was alluding to—_were we officially an item? Dating? Fooling around? Ohmygod, was I fooling around with Edward Cullen?_ I composed myself, tamping my emotions down and tried to hide the expressions from visibly popping up on my face.

"What?"

I just shrugged.

"Bella, if we're gonna—you have to talk to me, okay? You can't always hide, I can't read your mind, and I'm taking a big chance here. I don't want to screw this up. Bella, I meant it before when I told you I really care about you."

His words made my belly flutter from the inside and brought a shy smile to my lips. "So we're like—" I looked down at the ripples on the lake, avoiding his eyes. "You're like my boyfriend then or something?"

He laughed and a warm gentleness enveloped me. "Yeah, something like that."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Cool." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"I guess we could just figure it out together," I offered.

"Yeah? I like that."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Last night before, you know, you said I was—I mean you mentioned seeing me coming home from dance and …"

"Mm hm." He encouraged me to continue.

"Well, I just couldn't get it out of my head."

He turned to me, and I met his eyes as he said my name. "Bella, from the very first minute I saw you on the dock last summer I wanted to be near you. Seriously you're beautiful, but it's more than that. As we spent our mornings talking and as I got to know you, I found myself struggling more with what felt right and what I really wanted regardless of right or wrong. Then when we found out about your mom, and I knew, I knew your pain. But I also knew I needed to back off for a while. I thought it would be better to just let you be altogether. But I watched you. So many times I wanted to touch you, kiss you, talk to you.

"I saw you leave the dance studio by coincidence one day and found myself wondering what you looked like when you danced. So I went to your recital. You're very talented. You were amazing on the stage; I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You danced to Wonderwall by Oasis, and you took my breath away. That night—more than ever—I wished you were mine. You looked so lugubrious, up there all alone, and I wanted to hold you so badly."

"Lugubrious?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, "it's a good SAT word. It was on mine. Looking or sounding sad or dismal." He winked.

With all of his beautiful words and sweet admissions behind him, the simple mention of his SAT's reminded me of our major predicament, and I couldn't really luxuriate in his delicious confessions.

"You're going to college."

"Yeah."

We were silent for several seconds.

"I, uh, decided on Udub with Jasper. We'll figure it out. Let's not think about that right now. Okay?"

"Okay." I knew the University of Washington wasn't that far but it felt like the ends of the Earth in that moment. The reality was Edward was eighteen, and I would only be sixteen in September at the start of my junior year in high school. But I heard him and decided not to think about it too much.

"Good morning!" Jasper's cheerful voice snuck up behind us, and my eyes held Edward's with a moment of panic.

"Hey, Jazz." Edward nodded and in that moment he did read my mind. I wasn't ready to share my Edward with Jasper and he knew.

"Ace. Bells. So whatcha wanna do today? Fireworks tonight, though, down near Maria's dock, and it's gonna be a big party."

The day passed quickly out on the boat, and we ate dinner with Edward's parents that evening, without revealing anything to anyone. The whole day felt slightly unnatural after our private morning on the dock.

Edward told his parents we were all headed down to Maria's for the fireworks, and they simply said to keep an eye on me. Then Jasper and I headed back to our house to change.

I decided to play with fire a bit more and slipped on my red bikini—Jasper didn't approve of—the one Edward wanted to tear off with his teeth (at least that was what I'd dreamt of last night). I added a T-shirt and a pair of barley-there cutoffs when there was a knock at my door. Edward slipped inside my room. "I brought you something, a couple of somethings actually." His smile was contagious.

"What is it?"

"Close your eyes."

So I did.

"Hold out your hands."

As he placed the foreign items in my hands, one really cold and the other a rectangular box, he leaned in and gave me a kiss, which I'd melted into quickly. "Open your eyes, Bella." He chuckled as he pulled away.

"Sparklers and … POP?"

"Yeah, silver sparklers for later, but the split is for now. It was one of my mom's favorite things to drink for a celebration."

"What is it?"

"It's a split of champagne, but you drink it through the straw they attach to the little bottle. Wanna try it?"

"Okay."

"Okay." Edward opened the tiny bottle with a small pop to the cork and inserted the blue straw into the cobalt colored bottle for me to sip. It was really fizzy and tickled my throat.

I giggled. "Mmm. It's good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I like to see you smile and laugh, Bella."

We shared the small split of champagne between us, trading sips.

"Well, happy Fourth."

"That's not what we're celebrating." His eyes grew hooded.

"We're not?"

He took the bottle from my hands and shook his head, his green eyes holding a fire within, and then Edward kissed me again. His tongue met with mine, and he tasted delicious with the champagne essence lingering on his tongue. Taking my tongue into his mouth, he worshiped and slowly stroked me nearly mindless. Breaking away with a delicious smirk on his face and staccato breaths, he whispered, "We're not. We're celebrating us, you and me together. I really like us together."

A sharp knock on my door startled us both.

"Bells, you almost ready?"

I giggled, and Edward grabbed me closer then kissed me one last time, inching up my neck. "I'll tell him whatever you want. I swear. I just I want to be with you, Bella."

"Bells?" Jasper called again.

"Yeah, be right out," I squeaked.

I looked at Edward and decided I wanted to be with him too, out in the open. So I nodded, and he opened the door.

"Jazz—" Edward began but fell short as he saw Jasper's face.

Jasper eyed us both but he couldn't decide where to place his eyes. They bounced back and forth for several seconds before he formed words. I just stood there holding Edward's hand. "What the fuck?"

"Jazz, listen to me …" Edward tried again.

"No. Fuck that! Bella, you better tell me right now this is a fucking joke because this is not gonna happen."

"Jasper," I whispered in a pleading tone, "I like Edward and we're … we're."

Jasper glared at Edward but wouldn't even look at me.

"Jazz, look it's not like that, man. I really care about her. I swear."

Jasper continued to give Edward the death glare and remained speechless. Edward gave my hand a little squeeze of reassurance, and it felt perfect in that moment.

"Fuck! I should've seen this coming. Ace, you fuck her over—I'll kill you. Are we clear?"

"Jasper!" I admonished my older brother.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Jazz." Edward ignored my plea and spoke directly to Jasper, leveling a heavy dose of sarcasm his way.

"Dad's not gonna like this, Bells." Jasper continued to stare directly at Edward as he spoke to me and ignored Edward's words entirely.

"Then don't tell him," I hissed.

"Shit, I need a drink." Jasper dropped his stare first and scrubbed his hands across his face.

"Jasper—" I began, but Jasper cut me off.

"Really Bells, you're the last person who should be giving me a lecture right now. I'll behave. I just need to get a little lit. This is kind of—" he huffed and then turned to Edward and began again. "You didn't? Forget it—I don't think wanna know. Shit."

"Jazz! Give me a little credit. Jesus!" Edward scoffed.

Edward and Jasper seemed to be having one of their 'boy' conversations I didn't quite follow.

"Yeah, okay. I really need a drink now. I'm gonna head. Guess I'll see you both down there." He turned to head out the door.

"Jasper?" I called after him.

"Yeah?" When he snapped around, my tongue felt thick, and I couldn't speak. I was touched that he cared about me, but the conversation was no less awkward. So I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a hug. He hugged me back in only the way Jasper could and whispered in my ear, "Love ya, Bells." It made me smile until he added, "I hope you know what you're getting into."

"Take care of her, Ace." Jasper walked out the door.

"That went well," Edward joked, and it made me laugh.

I threw my arms up around Edward's neck, in an entirely different manner, and he pulled me close needing the exact same thing. Then he kissed me senseless.

Damn that boy could kiss!

"Mmm. Bella, as much as I'd like to stay here all night with you and keep kissing, I don't really think that's the best idea. Why don't we go join the others for a while?"

"Okay," I tried to mask the anxiety in my voice.

"What? Talk to me." He did it again. Edward always had an uncanny way of reading me.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"That. You just ask what, but you know something's up when you do." He smiled. "You wear your emotions on your face. You'd be a horrible poker player. Now tell me, beautiful."

"It's just everyone at Maria's will be—I don't fit in with that crowd, Edward."

"Fuck them. I'm glad you don't. I like you just the way you are. You're perfect, Bella. Come on, you're with me now. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to talk to, or do anything you don't feel comfortable with, understand?" He waited for an answer, his green eyes boring into me.

I nodded.

"Bella, I want to hold you close and watch the fireworks together. You okay with that?"

Again I nodded, lost inside his eyes.

"Come on."

We walked hand in hand, heading down towards the music blaring from Maria's private dock and the conversation Edward and Jasper had engaged in circled inside my brain on repeat.

"I see smoke again, Bella. Quit over-thinking everything, will you? That's my job." He gave me a soft nudge with his shoulder.

"What did you mean when you told Jasper to give you a little credit?"

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to ask me that. Way to keep me on my toes."

"Seriously?"

"Come on Bella, you've gotta know that guys—talk. But mostly it's bullshit. It's the ones they don't talk about that really matter."

I waited because I wasn't sure he was finished.

"I'm only human. I'm a horny eighteen year old guy, who's extremely attracted to you. You've gotta know I want to sleep with you, right?"

It was my turn to be caught off guard. I wasn't sure I was ready for that. I swallowed.

"Shit, I didn't mean to scare you. I just—you asked, and I want to be honest with you. Bella, I promise, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, or aren't ready for. I'm happy to just be close and steal a few kisses. All right?"

I nodded, but my head fell towards the ground. I couldn't help but think he'd get tired of an almost sixteen year old virgin quickly and surely want more.

"Hey." He stopped walking and placed a finger under my chin to tip my face up towards his. "I'm serious, Bella. Please believe me. I want to be with you because I—I really like you. A lot."

"I like you too, Edward. But I don't think I'm ready to ... you know."

"I'm not asking you to, Bella. I know you're not ready. Please don't focus on this. It's not a big deal. Trust me."

~oOo~

So I did. I placed my trust in Edward Cullen that night. That was the night I granted him full access to my heart.

* * *

**Thanks! xo**

**~quiet**


	14. Reflection

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 13**

**Reflection**

* * *

**Current day:**

I can still remember how exciting it was to have his lips on mine for the first time, and how everything he taught me became intense and suddenly necessary. He was so knowing and worldly and charming—so different from typical boys his age.

Granting Edward carte blanche with my heart was easy. He hadn't even asked for the unrestricted access; I'd blindly handed it over. It was unavoidable really. I had most likely fallen in love with him the first time I saw him on the dock at the lake, when I was fourteen, though the realization wouldn't come until later.

I hadn't spent this much time thinking about the lake in years. Somehow a bottle of good bubbly and a stroll past an unsuspecting book store, in a town I swore to never return to, led me straight into the depths of my past. The past that had no decency to shield its grief, the past I struggled to escape from and leave behind.

Then it occurred to me as I glanced out the window. He must have spent some time thinking, if he'd written a book. A novel really. That should require much thought, I mused as my eyes grew heavy and my body spent. I listened to the constant pattering of the rain outside as I succumbed to sleep, dragging my memories down with me.

* * *

**More on Thursday. **

**BTW if you are reading and you got a rec from somewhere, I'd love to know where. So I can give proper thanks! Love hearing from you.**

**;-)**

**~quiet**


	15. Fireworks

**AJasperforMe is too good to me, always quick to turn my chapters around. And it seems I'm far too impatient to keep to a schedule. But for you that means an early update! **

* * *

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 14**

**Fireworks**

* * *

**Summer 1998:**

The party at Maria's wasn't what I expected at all. Sure there was loud music and drinking and no parental supervision whatsoever, but for the most part everyone was mellow. Maria's family had money as well, though not like the Cullens', they had a pool at the lake. By the time Edward and I showed, almost the entire senior class was hanging out, in and around Maria's pool.

"Ace!" Jasper hollered.

Edward gave me a reassuring squeeze and led me through the crowd. We got several looks but no one directly said anything to either Edward or me, at first.

"Hey, Maria. Jazz. What's up?"

"Nadda, Ace. Grab a drink and get in. The pool's heated."

Edward turned to me, and I gave a slight nod. "Kay, we'll be right back."

I couldn't quite make out what Maria asked Jasper, but I caught his response as we turned around. Jasper told Maria he didn't know or want to because that would definitely be too much information and weird him out.

I'd blushed and hoped no one would notice.

"Don't listen to them. It's just bullshit, beautiful. You wanna drink?"

I smiled at Edward's attentiveness. "Are you gonna?"

"I won't if you don't want me to, Bella."

"No. It's fine. I mean I don't want you to change because of me. Do what you want."

"Okay, then I'm gonna have a beer. Do you want something? They have wine coolers."

I paused for a second too long.

"Bella, the same goes for you, okay? Do what you want. Just be honest with me. Please."

"Okay. Yeah. I liked the POP."

He chuckled. "Yeah. I bet you did … because you have good taste. My mom would have loved you!"

The moment the words fell from his mouth tears pricked my eyes for so many different reasons I couldn't explain. For his confession, for his loss, for mine. In that moment I knew, I was falling in love with Edward Cullen.

"I—Shit. Bella, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. I just. Damn. I can't seem to say anything right."

I blinked back my tears. "Edward, you say everything right. I think that's the problem."

He gave me one of those indecipherable looks. Then right there next to the beverage table at Maria's 4th of July party at the lake, Edward Cullen kissed me in front of everyone. I would never know how long it lasted, but the noises all around us faded into background as I was swept up inside his kiss. It was exactly the kind of kiss from a steamy romance novel, and when we realized we were not alone and the catcalls and hollers increased, we pulled apart, both a little sheepish.

"You're probably gonna want that wine cooler now, though it won't taste as good as the POP," he whispered in my ear and slid his hand down to the small of my back.

Edward opened a strawberry cooler for me and grabbed a beer for himself. Then we made our way back over towards Jasper.

"Cullen, smooth man. Seriously, you're the shit." Tyler clipped Edward on the shoulder as we passed, and I gave him a questioning look.

"C-man. Gotta say never thought I'd see this." Mike added as Edward ushered us past him as well.

Ty and Mike both played in Jasper's craptastic garage band, and I was familiar with them both. Though I didn't know Edward was close with them.

"What's that all about?" I whispered to Edward as we kept walking.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wasn't thinking, but I believe I've just turned you into the hot topic of conversation. I shouldn't have kissed you like that back there. I just lose myself around you. I think I've just made this night a lot more interesting for both of us."

I gave him a quick side-eye and followed him to the pool.

"Ace! What the fuck?" Jasper shouted as we walked up.

"Relax, Jazz! Have a beer, it'll blow over," Edward insisted.

Jasper cooled momentarily as Maria whispered in his ear.

We slipped our shoes off to the side and sat on the edge of the pool dangling our feet in the water. My brother exchanged more 'boy' stuff with Edward without words, and I sipped my wine cooler quickly. It was excessively sweet, like a Jolly Rancher, nothing like the POP.

"You wanna swim, Bella?" Edward leaned in to ask me.

"Sure." I shrugged my shoulders and took another swig of my candied drink.

Edward pulled his T-shirt off and set his beer on the edge of the pool while I stood and shimmied out of my shorts. I grappled with whether to leave my shirt on or not. I settled with the decision to keep it on, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my red bikini and all the inquisitive eyes.

Edward dove off the edge, and I used the steps to enter. By the time I'd eased into the water waist-high over to where we left our drinks, Edward swam up and surprised me. Then he stepped closer dripping wet.

"Why do you have your shirt on?" Edward asked.

"I just—"

"Bella. Don't do that."

"What?"

"Care about what they think. You look incredible in your blue bikini, and in this one, you break necks."

I giggled and reddened a tad at his words. "Then you should be happy I kept my shirt on."

"Only if you did it for me." He winked and picked up his beer, his pink lips wrapping around the bottle, enticing me. "But if you left it on because you're self-conscious then you shouldn't be, and you should take it off immediately." He spoke as if he were already undressing me in his mind, which excited me to no end.

I slipped my half-wet T-shirt off and tossed it over the edge of the pool. Then we made our way to Jasper and Maria.

"Ace, you gotta tone it down. Jesus."

"Jazz, seriously? Shut up, man. You know better."

"Still. The way it looks."

"We're not discussing this here," Edward warned.

Jasper eyed Edward. "Fine. I need another beer, and I gotta take a piss. Let's go talk." Jasper turned his attention to Maria before he got out of the pool. "You need anything, babe?"

She shook her head and smiled sweetly but didn't take her narrowed focus off me for long.

"I'll be right back," Edward whispered in my ear.

I nodded and sipped my crappy wine cooler.

"So you're the flavor of the night?" Maria purred in her thick accent as soon as Jasper was out of earshot. "We had bets placed on who Edward would end up with tonight, never thought it'd be you."

"What?"

She gave her signature throaty laugh as she tossed her head back. "You really don't know? You're so clueless. Little Bella with her nose in a book."

I waited for her to continue because I knew she hadn't had all her fun yet.

"Be careful, the big boys play rough."

"You're just a manipulative bitch who has to control everything," I snapped and made my way out of the pool quickly.

I heard Maria's laughter follow me as one of her lackeys swam up to join her.

"Have fun while it lasts, sweetie. I did," Lucy added, but I didn't dare turn around.

I felt the tears pricking my eyes as I stepped into my shoes and grabbed my wet shirt, slipping it on. Maria's words were colliding in my head, vying for priority.

Mike came up beside me as I dumped the crappy drink into the trash. "Bella, you okay?"

"Fine."

"So, you and Cullen, huh?"

I didn't respond.

"Honestly, I don't know what everyone sees in the douche. But I never thought Jazz would—"

"Would what?" I snapped.

"You know?"

"No, clearly I don't know, so why don't you fill me in, Mike?"

"Geez, Bella, calm down. It's just … I mean … you're hot. Look at you. It was just an unspoken rule you were completely off limits. We all knew Jazz would flip his shit if anyone tried anything with you. So yeah, it was kind of a shock to see you with Cullen. That's all."

My head was spinning with the influx of information and confusion that circled.

"Thanks, Mike."

Jasper and Edward came strolling down the path laughing and looking more at ease as I stormed over to meet my brother half way.

"What the hell, Jasper? I can't believe you. I've been a social outcast the last two years because of you!"

"What?" Jasper's eyes flew to Maria in the pool giggling with her cohorts and then to Mike standing a few yards behind us. "What the fuck, Mike?"

"Don't you dare yell at him. He's been the only one kind enough to enlighten me."

"Bella," Edward cautioned.

"Don't. Don't you side with him." I snapped at Edward then continued my tirade with Jasper. "I'm not a damn toy you two can toss around and claim ownership to. I'm a person with feelings. You really are a jerk, Jazz." I paused and then turned back to Edward. "I trusted you."

Then I stormed off back towards our dock.

I heard the commotion I left in my wake.

"Fuck! This is just fucking great. Thanks, Ace." Jasper huffed.

"Don't put this shit on me, Jazz. Maybe you should've had a little chat with your bimbo. Seems to me, she causes a whole hell of a lot of problems for you. I'm outta here," Edward spewed.

"Bella, wait up!" Edward called after me but I didn't slow my pace.

Of course he caught up to me easily.

"Bella, would you slow down for a minute?"

I continued to ignore him.

"God damn it! You're so stubborn." He took hold of my arm and pulled me to a stop. Away from the party and onlookers. "Bella, look at me. What did she say to you?"

My eyes flew to meet his, and I'd given myself away again.

"Bella. Talk to me. Please."

"They place bets on you Edward, bets as to which girl you'll end up with for the night. Lucy told me to have fun with you while it lasts."

He scrubbed his hands over his face. "Shit. Bella, it's bullshit. They're just messing with you. They don't know shit."

"Really? I know you took Lucy to prom."

"Yeah, and that's it. We drank and danced."

"That's it? You didn't do anything else with her that would warrant her catty, cautionary statement to me?"

"Yeah, I kissed her, okay. Is that what you really want to hear?"

"Yeah, great. You told me to be honest with you, Edward. Do the same rules not apply to you?"

"Shit. Bella, I am being honest. I fucking kissed her, okay. I've kissed a lot of girls, but I don't care about any of them. I care about you, Bella. Only you." His green eyes were pierced with pain, hard as emeralds as they bore into me.

"I'm just a stupid joke to everyone."

"No, you're not." He took a step closer, and I didn't want to fall into his intoxicating bubble, I wasn't ready to surrender. "Bella, you don't see yourself clearly at all. Half the senior class wants in your panties. The shit I've heard behind Jasper's back—" He released a heavy breath. "Fuck, if I'm being honest, it's made me a little jumpy too."

"Half the senior class?" I questioned as if he were suddenly ridiculous.

"Yeah, the other half are girls." He tried to lighten the tension with a joke.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes because I wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"Would you stop? Damn, what is it going to take for you to realize how fucking beautiful and desirable you are? And I want to be with you."

I swallowed.

"Isabella … I've lusted after you since the first time I saw you on the edge of the dock last year—but I fell in love with you during the quiet mornings we spent together."

I blinked at his use of my full name.

"Bella, I love you." Then he kissed me—sweet at first, appraising, loving—his tongue coaxing me to surrender. Our mouths quickly grew hot and hungry, and I jumped up to wrap my legs around his waist just to be closer. In that moment, I wanted to be desperately closer. The intoxication of Edward lured me under, and we lost ourselves in the heated kisses beneath the moon.

"Take me to my room, Edward. Teach me something," I bravely whispered as our lips broke.

We nearly ran to the lake shack, stumbling and tangled together.

Inside the small room, my heart thundered between us.

"I want to see you," Edward spoke softly as he peeled the wet T-shirt from my body. It landed with a thunk on the battered wood floor. He swallowed, and I watched his Adam's apple bob nervously. With tentative hands, he reached around and undid the strings of my red bikini top, and it, too, fell unceremoniously to the floor with a thud. "God, Bella." His eyes drank me in as his hands cupped my breasts.

The feel of his strong hands on my naked flesh, pebbling my nipples in awe, made me melt into his control. I wanted to feel him too. I needed to be closer. Reaching out, I ran my hand up his rippled abdomen and grazed his left nipple with my thumb as I watched the expression on his face turn to that of shameless lust.

Crushing our bodies together, his hot mouth sought mine again. His kisses worked me into a frenzy, and I was soaring higher as my bikini bottoms grew wetter. I didn't know what to ask for, but I knew I wanted more.

"Edward," I breathed, wriggling my hips in hopes he would understand my meaning.

He did—as he persuaded me to lie back on my bed. Hovering over me, pausing briefly before he nuzzled next to my ear, he spoke, "I want to taste more of you, and I'm gonna to make you come, Bella."

His words fueled my growing desire and deep curiosity. Our eyes locked with a wordless exchange as he began his descent. Edward chased my innocence right down the rabbit hole as he focused his hot breath above the small triangle of red fabric positioned between my most intimate of places. He raised an eyebrow in question, and as if a hussy plucked straight from a naughty book's blazing pages, I flexed my hips to encourage his continuance.

His hungry groan did unspeakable things when combined with the feel of his mouth down there. Even through the thin fabric, his tongue felt wet or maybe it was all me, either way, it only took a few moments before the pleasure shot through me and burst behind my eyelids. Afterward there was no question whether or not I came. We both knew I had, and it was unlike anything I'd dared to imagine.

My breaths came heavy and labored as Edward inched his way back up my body and slowly kissed my mouth. Our tongues twirled and wound together as I took him entirely inside my mouth earning a delicious moan from him. I loved the sounds Edward made, especially when they weren't coherent. Pulling away, he whispered, "God, you're sweet."

My cheeks most certainly matched the color of my bikini bottoms as he peered into my eyes.

"I want to touch you," I blurted. I could feel him firmly pressed against my leg, and I wanted to know what he would feel like in my hand.

He pulled back a little and his left cheek twitched. "Yeah?"

I nodded.

"You don't have to—"

"I want to. I want to make you feel good too."

"You already do, Bella."

"No. I mean … really good. I want to know what it's like for you."

He froze.

"Please?" I nearly begged.

"Bella, we don't have to rush things. Let's just …"

I ignored his insistent words and found my inner tenacity. Reaching down, I wrapped my hand around the bulge protruding through his board shorts. He gasped and chased it with a mangled groan. In some bizarre way it made me feel powerful, sending a fresh set of pulsing waves through me as well. Once I held him in my hand, concealed by fabric, I had no clue what to do. Thankfully, he began to rock his hips a little to encourage me.

"God. Bella. That feels good," he murmured as he buried his face in my neck, his breath hot on my skin.

"Show me what to do," I whispered in his ear.

His hand came down in between us and settled on top of mine. His firm grasp encouraged my hand to tighten its grip. Then he moved our hands together, wrapped around him, stroking faster and tighter. The silky fabric made a swooshing noise in the otherwise silent room. Down and up. The strange sensation of his urgent movements and rapidly increasing breaths excited me further. He was hard and hot and positively male as his scent enveloped me. I wanted to drown in him.

His solid lines and acute angles, surrounding me in the small space with his speeding movements, mesmerized me further. He made a series of small grunts that barely broke the back of his throat, and then he fell apart. His had clamped down on my own so taut as he released a mangled version of my name. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen or heard in my entire fifteen years.

We both stilled after that and were silent as we lay there together.

"Wow, Bella. That was, uh, that felt fucking amazing. God, what you do to me." His breaths were still shallow and recovering.

I would have blushed at his words, if I wasn't already flushed from head to foot. "You're … um, yeah. You're pretty amazing yourself."

He laughed and then rolled over to kiss me, but as I was getting into it he stopped abruptly.

"What?"

"I've got to—um, I'm a little messy." He chuckled.

"Oh." I giggled.

"I'll be right back. Don't move."

Edward stepped out of the room, and I heard the water in the bathroom swoosh on and off. As promised he returned quickly, slipping back into the room in a pair of Jasper's basketball shorts. I'd grabbed a clean T-shirt as well and tugged on a fresh pair of panties.

"I told you not to move." He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"What?"

His eyes traveled to my T-shirt.

"I was cold." I smiled.

Taking a step closer, he kissed my cheek then my jaw and my neck. "I'll warm you back up."

We crawled into my tiny bed and began talking. The conversation came easy as he told me more about his mom and how she loved the ballet. Then he spoke of London. He promised me he would take me there one day. "If you want to go," he said. I gave him the 'are you crazy, do you even have to ask' look, and he chuckled as he tugged me closer into his bare chest. We snuggled deeper under my blanket as we talked in lazy circles.

Our voices grew sluggish and our eyes heavy, but the last words to leave his lips that night were, "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

~oOo~

We didn't watch the fireworks that Fourth of July, but we heard them from inside the tiny room within the lake house, as we made our own, hours before we drifted off completely. We didn't mean to fall asleep, but she took us under anyway—together.

* * *

**More next week.**


	16. Explosion

**This chapter is dedicated to SusieCC in hopes of curing her desolateness. ;-)**

* * *

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 15**

**Explosion**

* * *

**Summer 1998/ Early 1999:**

"What the hell is going on here?"

I bolted upright at the sound of my dad's voice. "Dad, I, uh …"

Edward moved quickly to stand beside the bed. "Sir, I—"

"Save it, son. I think it's best you leave immediately. Isabella Marie Swan, I cannot begin to describe my disappointment with your behavior in this moment."

"Sir, please. It's not what you think. It's—" Edward tried again.

"Edward, I'm warning you right now. You need to leave. I am grateful for the kindness you've shown our family, but this is my daughter, who is fifteen I might remind you, and I'm not entirely stupid. I may have overlooked a few things because Renee was so fond of you, but she's gone now, and this is my baby you were in bed with. Leave. Walk out the door now, or I promise you, I will not be forgiving of your behavior."

"Dad!"

"Bella, don't!" Dad urged.

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Swan." Edward's eyes met mine, and he left my room without another word.

"Isabella, I trusted you. I—what were you thinking? Don't answer that. Jesus. Pack your things. We're leaving, now."

"Daddy, we didn't … we weren't … I love him, Daddy!"

"Jesus Christ, Bella. He's eighteen, and he's going away to college. Do you really think he's gonna wait around for you? You have two more years of high school. I know you think you love him, but—"

"Don't. Don't say it. I do love him and he loves me. You don't know anything!"

"Isabella, that's quite enough. I will not discuss this anymore. You're lucky I don't have him locked up. He should know better. Get your things together, now." He left my room after that, and fear gripped me from the seriousness of Dad's tone.

I rode away from the lake that summer with my dad, leaving Jasper to trail behind in his truck, and we didn't say two words to each other on the drive home. As soon as we arrived back home, I stormed up to my room, slamming my door shut. A few hours later, I heard a knock at my door.

"Bells, it's me. Please let me in," Jasper called through the door.

"Go away."

"Bells, let me in." There was worry in his voice I couldn't ignore, so I crossed to my door and flipped the lock.

Jasper eased inside, and the expression on his face made me curious.

"I'm really sorry, sis."

"What for? You didn't want us together either."

"Yeah, but I didn't want this for you. Dad's talking to the Cullens, he's not happy, Bells."

I just stared at Jasper.

"What were you thinking?" he questioned.

"Excuse me?"

"Bells, I just mean …"

"No! I know exactly what you mean. It's fine for you to fool around and fuck Maria, but I'm supposed to graduate a nun? It's the good old double standard at its finest. Jasper, just leave."

"Bells, that's not …"

"I said leave!"

"Fine." He surrendered.

I remained in my room for the rest of the night and cried myself to sleep. I wished I could talk to Edward or my mom, but both were snatched from me, unjustly. I was all alone.

Dad knocked and came in the next morning.

"Bella, I've spoken with Carlisle and Esme and we've all agreed it's best if you and Edward don't see each other anymore. He'll be leaving for school in a little over a month anyway, and you both have other things to focus on.

"What? You can't do this."

"I can and I have. You are not to see him again, young lady. Do you understand?"

"Daddy, just listen."

"I will not. Jesus, Bella, do you really think I don't get it. I know what it's like, but you're fifteen, and he's going away to college. He is leaving in a month, packing up and moving away. These things never work out." He took a deep breath. "Can I ask, did you? Were you? Christ, I really miss your mom." Dad teared up, and I reluctantly felt bad for him because I really missed her too.

"Nothing happened. Edward's not like that, Dad. He's respectful, sweet. Daddy, please, I'm begging you to reconsider. I love him and—"

"Bella, you are not to see him and that's final. As a matter of fact, you're not to leave this house for the remainder of the summer. Are we clear? If I find out you go behind my back or take advantage of me again, it won't be pretty. I have to go to work. I love you, and this is for the best."

As soon as Dad left for work, I threw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and approached my brother, swallowing my pride.

"Jazz, I need a ride."

"Where?"

"You know where. I have to see him. I have to," I rushed.

"I can't, Bells. I promised Dad, he's pissed. I heard him threaten Carlisle. Really, you need to let this blow over a bit. Trust me."

"Trust you? You want me to trust you? When you've been threatening all the guys in our school for the past two years to keep their distance from me. You alone were responsible for my leper status. You owe me this!"

"Bells, it wasn't like that, okay?"

"How was it exactly then? You know what, I don't care. What I do care about is Edward. I love him, and I swear to you, neither you nor Dad will keep me from him! So you can either give me a ride. Or I'll take your damn keys and drive your truck myself!"

"Ha, I'd like to see that." Jasper called my bluff, crossing his arms against his chest.

Anger raged inside of me at being called out, and I stormed out of his room and flew down the stairs, yanking his keys off the hook. I didn't care that I only had a permit, I didn't care that I'd never driven anything as big as Jasper's truck before, and I didn't care about getting caught. I only cared about one thing—seeing Edward.

I clambered into Jasper's beat up truck and started the engine when he came running out hollering. "Bells, wait!"

I stared him down and began backing out of the drive. He banged his hand on the engine hood and was yelling. "Bells, stop! I'll drive you. I swear!"

So he did. I was grateful because honestly I was a little freaked out to drive the beast, but nothing was gonna keep me from Edward. Nothing.

I knocked on the door while Jasper waited in the car. Esme answered, and I saw the disappointment flicker in her eyes too.

"Esme, I came to see Edward."

"Oh, sweetie, he's not here. Your dad and Carlisle are very displeased with the turn of events. Bella, believe me when I say this, you are a lovely girl, and Edward is a sweet boy, but you both are very young. Your dad was rather adamant that Edward stay away from you. I'm sorry, Bella."

I lost the ability to speak. I simply nodded and retreated to the truck where Jasper was waiting. Jasper knew better than to ask; my tears said it all. He drove me home, and I retreated to my room, where I stayed hidden for the next week anytime my dad was home. I didn't speak to anyone and cried until my tears no longer fell. I couldn't stop thinking about Edward or the fact he would just leave without a word. I was no expert but if someone loved you enough, I thought, surely they wouldn't have left without a word. Surely they would find a way to talk to you or see you.

"Bells?"

"Go away!"

"Dad's already left for work. Please let me in, I need to talk to you."

I unlocked my door with a huff, "What?"

"Get dressed. I don't care what Dad says. You need to get out of the house for a while. Come on. I'm taking you for a ride."

"I don't want to go."

"Bella, don't be a brat. Get dressed. You're going!" Jasper insisted.

~oOo~

We were in his truck for well over half an hour before he spoke. "I'm really sorry, Bells. I know I should have talked to you more and …"

As he turned into a gas station, I noticed a car that looked exactly like Edward's, and suddenly my heart began to thunder inside my chest.

"…anyhow, you were right, I do owe you," Jasper finished, but I was no longer listening.

I saw Edward get out. As Jasper pulled to a stop, I jumped out of his truck and raced full speed ahead. Edward met me half way and scooped me up in his arms. Before I could say anything, his mouth was on mine and his kiss said everything.

"God, I've missed you, Bella!"

"Yeah?" I asked, needing to hear the words again.

"Yeah," he breathed.

"Me too."

Jasper cleared his throat. "Okay, gross. I've seen enough. Bells, did you hear anything I said?" Jasper exchanged a look with Edward.

"I got it, man. Thanks, Jazz. I owe you one."

"Got what?" They'd lost me with their boy talk again.

"Bells, Dad thinks I've taken you into the city for the day. To get your mind off things. It'll buy you some time, but I have to have you home by eight. You have to be back here by seven-fifteen. Got it?"

"But I thought—never mind. Oh, Jasper!" I let go of Edward for a moment to hug my brother. "Thank you."

"All right. Go on. Love ya, kid."

"I'm not a kid."

Jasper laughed as he walked away, and I smiled as I slipped my hand inside of Edward's and he opened the passenger door for me.

"Bella, I'm so fucking sorry—"

"Don't, Edward …"

"Let me finish," he said as he backed out of the parking lot and got back onto the main road. "We were stupid, I was stupid. I should have known better than to fall asleep in the bed with you. God Bella, I'm so glad to see you. I've been out of my mind, trying to figure out how to get around your dad to see you, talk to you. I've missed you so much."

"Where have you been?"

"I, uh, was able to get an early dorm assignment. My dad arranged it for me. He's rather upset as well." Edward gave me a sad smile.

"What … so you're … you live in Seattle now? You're all moved out?"

He nodded.

"Oh."

"Bella, we knew this was going to happen."

"I know. I just thought we'd have the rest of the summer, you know?"

"Yeah. Look, we have today. Let's not think about it. We'll figure something out."

Edward drove us to a small park that afternoon and had packed us a picnic lunch. He led me to a secluded spot and laid a blanket out for us. I tried not to focus on our inevitable parting of ways and decided to enjoy his company instead. I recalled my mom's sagely advice and embraced the moment.

He unpacked the basket nestled on the blanket, and I giggled.

"Told you I make a mean PB&J." He winked at me and caused the bees in my belly to buzz.

It was the best sandwich I'd ever eaten. Then he fed me grapes, and I stared at all the different greens in his eyes.

"My favorite color wasn't green," I blurted.

"What?"

"I lied to you. Well, sort of. I mean I'd never thought of green as my favorite color until I met you."

"Huh? Green's not my favorite. I like grey remember."

"I remember. It's your eyes, Edward. The greens in your eyes are mesmerizing. You envelop me with them. I feel helpless beneath your greens."

He leveled his stare and inched closer to me, angling his neck down he spoke, "Helpless, huh? I don't think you're helpless. I think you're the one with all the power, strength. You make me want to throw reason out the window. When I look at you and you stare up at me like that, I want to right everything in your world. And I want to make you the center of mine. I love you, Bella." He lightly ran his finger over my lower lip before placing his lips to mine, and with that kiss, he marked my soul. With that kiss, he made certain promises and unspoken vows we both understood.

"Bella, this time away from you has given me space to think, and all I can think about is you. I need you to know the shit at the lake it was just a complete misunderstanding—that I inadvertently encouraged, tangled up with stupid girl drama."

"What?"

"Okay, there's some stuff I haven't told you. Before I moved here—I was a different person. Coming here was like getting a do-over, and I had no interest in dating or messing around with anyone. And then I met you, the innocent, sweet siren who was off-limits." Edward paused.

"The loss of your mom brought up a lot of old emotions for me too, and that's when I decided you needed a friend who understood. Just a friend. I wanted to be that for you. I tried to keep my feelings for you under wraps, but it wasn't without difficulty. You're so different, so genuine. I feel like I can be my true self around you.

"I wasn't used to the small town rumor mill, and people started to talk. There were speculations about us, even before there was an us, and Jazz wasn't cool with that. We had it out, and I convinced him there was nothing going on. Which there wasn't, but not because I didn't want there to be; I couldn't stop thinking about you. Jazz suggested it would look better if I asked Lucy to prom because she liked me. I only agreed because I was still trying to persuade myself not to care about you like I did. I did kiss Lucy at prom, reluctantly, and I stopped it almost as soon as it started. When I said I've kissed girls, I didn't mean here. That was all before." Edward paused and drew a deep breath of air.

I knew he wasn't finished talking, so I patiently waited for him to continue. He reached out to cup my face, and his touch warmed me instantly. "Bella, I meant it when I said I never cared about any of them, and I just really need you to know that."

"I believe you." We were both quiet for several moments, and then I had to say the words. "You hurt me, when you took Lucy to prom."

"I know, I'm really sorry. It should have been you. I wish I'd have taken you. I wish things were—I wish—"

"It doesn't matter. We can't go back and change the past. Can we?" I whispered.

He shook his head understanding the full weight of my meaning.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Edward." The nerves bubbled in my belly as I debated over the unasked questions I wanted answers to but felt afraid to ask.

"Ask, Bella."

"What?"

"I know you want to ask me something else, by the way you're staring intently at your toes and mindlessly twirling your hair."

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "So how many girls—"

"Bella, I don't sleep around. I didn't mean to give you that impression. It was just making-out and messing around."

"So you've never had sex?"

"I have." His face fell, and there was something in his eyes, a look I didn't understand.

"Oh." And like the inquisitive, slightly jealous, hormonal teenager I was, I didn't let it drop entirely. "Just once?"

"No—but only with one person."

"Oh." I paused cautiously, trying to decided if I wanted to pry anymore.

"Do you honestly want to talk about this?"

"Not really." I shook my head.

"Good, because I don't really want to talk about it. It's all in the past, and it doesn't matter. I'd rather think about us."

"Us," I parroted.

"Yeah, if you still want there to be an us?" He looked a little nervous, and it made me smile.

"Yeah, I like the sound of that."

"Good. Me too." He returned my smile and we talked about us.

The rest of the afternoon faded much too quickly, but he promised me he would figure it out. Edward made good on his promise and with Jasper's help, we snuck off several more times over the course of the next five weeks. Edward always packed a lunch, and we enjoyed the fading rays of summer break during stolen moments in the sunshine.

He whispered the sweetest words to me, and we talked more about visiting London together. Edward promised me our parents would calm down after my junior year was complete, and then we could tell them our plans for when I graduated high school. We were going to backpack our way across Europe together after I graduated. Edward's heady kisses always sealed his promises.

~oOo~

"Bella, school is gonna be tough for us this year, but I promise you, somehow we'll make it work. I hate that we'll be so far apart, but we can do this. We can talk on the phone, and I'll send Jasper down to get you every weekend. Okay."

"I'll have my license, too, in less than a month," I lamely added.

"Yeah. Sweet sixteen." He smiled, but I could see the flicker of concern, and I began to tear up.

"What, beautiful? Don't cry. Talk to me."

"I just miss you. When I'm not near you, I miss you horribly. You're all I think about, Edward."

"God, I know. Bella, I love you. That's all that matters, and we can do this. Okay?"

"Okay," I whispered.

I was quiet in the truck with Jasper on the return trip that particular afternoon, and Dad was home early when we pulled in.

"Hey, Dad," Jasper called out, walking in the house.

"Hey, kiddos. How was Seattle today?" He'd cooled off a bit during the past weeks, and had become more lenient of our 'trips' to Seattle. I felt kind of bad for lying to him, but saw no other way around it, neither did Jasper.

"Good," Jasper hummed.

"Yep, great," I added.

"Good. Listen, I have some news that will affect us all, so let's sit and talk."

Life was not like the movies where the music revs up and gives you an indication of what's to come, or how to feel. Life was quiet—silent—as it snuck up on you, unexpectedly. Life held the ability to blindside you like a Mack truck doing ninety down the freeway.

"I got a job offer, and I've decided to take it. I'm putting the house on the market. Bella and I will be leaving after we see you off to school, Jasper. We're moving."

"What?"

"Where?"

Jasper and I both blurted different questions at the same time.

"I got a job offer in Arizona. It'll be a fresh start for all of us."

If there had been music to the soundtrack of my life, it definitely would've been some of Edward's moody stuff playing in the background. Ominous, dark, foreboding telling exactly of what was to come.

"I hate you!" I yelled at my dad and ran to my room.

"Dad, I don't think …" Jasper's voice faded into the background as my world went black.

~oOo~

It didn't matter what I said or did, the fact was I had to go with my dad. I had to leave everything I'd ever known to move with my dad to a place I'd never been, a place I didn't want to go. I had to leave the home I grew up in, the home where my mother's touch remained on every surface, the home where she took her last breath. I had to leave my big brother and the boy I loved with all my heart and soul in Seattle and move with my dad to Arizona.

I hated Arizona. The suffocating heat, the people and their orange-tinged glow, the desert and the brown. There was no more green only brown. I hated brown.

I'd decided to mourn and dressed entirely in black: black clothes, black fingernails, black lipstick, black hair. Without green there was nothing. I was black. I spoke to no one in the depths of hell and merely existed. I didn't even dance.

Months passed and even Edward's secret phone calls became less frequent. It was February. An entire year had elapsed since my mother's passing, and we'd been in Arizona for six months. I hated everything.

"Isabella Marie, I've let this go on for long enough. Listen to me, young lady. You will not dress like this anymore. Your mother would …"

"What? What would she do? Would she have up and moved me away from the place I called home, the place I loved, the place I danced? Is that what she would do? I hate you! You've ruined everything. Leave me alone!" I screamed.

"You could dance here. There are studios," he whispered, and then took a defeated breath as he sat on the edge of my bed. "Sweetie, please, look at me."

I cried until streaks of black ran down my face.

"I spoke to Jasper. He's going to the lake house for spring break and wants you to fly out. I know he misses you too, and I think it would be a good idea for you to get out of here for a while."

The words 'lake house' rang softly in my ears, and I perked up for a moment, smearing black across my face and hands.

"But you have to stop this. You can't dress like a zombie and not participate in life, you have to make an effort. If you'll promise to try then you can meet Jasper in Seattle and go to the lake house with him for spring break. Understood?"

Once again I clung to hope.


	17. Return

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 16**

**Return**

* * *

**Current day:**

I awoke in a haze, but I knew what I needed to do, what had to be done. I dressed in a slow, exacting manner, lined my lips and eyes, painted my cheeks as I'd done hundreds of times. I was no longer an inexperienced, fragile girl. I was a woman who'd experienced horrible grief and rose from the ashes time and time again.

I was the Phoenix ready for flight, ready to soar.

I packed an overnight bag from my belongings in the suite and scanned the room before I left. The niggling proved too powerful, so I ducked back into the bathroom and bent to retrieve the jilted book from the floor, shoving it in my bag as I hurried out the door.

Crossing the busy street quickly, I hailed a taxi.

"I need a rental car," I instructed the cab driver.

"Yes, ma'am."

And off we went. It was time I returned to the lake house and read his words, but first I had a long drive ahead of me. Time enough to remember my last visit to the lake house with the blush-lipped boy.

* * *

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, so please stop by and leave a comment or ask a question. **

**As always thanks for reading! **


	18. Love and Loss

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 17**

**Love and Loss**

* * *

**Spring/Summer 1999:**

* * *

Walking down the runway, I spotted Jasper's unruly blonde locks poking out above the rest of the awaiting heads. When his face came into view, with those brilliant blue eyes, I was struck with immense familiarity. I'd missed my brother more than I'd even realized until that moment.

When his eyes caught mine, his easy smile lit me from within, and I rushed towards him.

"Jazz!"

"Bells." He hugged me with strong arms and held me close, his solid frame an instant comfort.

"I missed you," I whispered into his chest.

"Missed you too, kid. What's with the black hair?" he asked as we broke the embrace.

"I'm sixteen, not a kid. And it's not black—anymore, just darker."

"Looks black to me."

"Well, it isn't," I insisted. It wasn't, it was espresso colored.

"Come on, we'll talk on the drive."

Jasper caught me up with the courses he was taking and things in general. We chatted about everything except the one thing I most wanted to know and was afraid to ask.

"Well, I'm glad you dumped Maria. I never liked her."

Jasper chuckled, "Yeah. I know you didn't. Honestly, there are so many girls on campus I couldn't see being tied down to Maria, and she's away at another school."

My throat fell to my stomach, and I felt the contents within bubble up with Jasper's unintended insinuation.

"Bells?"

"Well, I'm glad you couldn't be _tied down _to someone like her."

"Fuck," he huffed. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" I tried to pretend as if his words hadn't struck a nerve.

"Bells, I didn't mean, I wasn't referring to …"

"It's fine. I'm sure you know he's stopped calling. I guess Dad was right, as much as I hate to admit it."

"For what it's worth, I think he honestly cared about you. And I'm sure this is no consolation to you, but we don't really talk anymore either. He's become a recluse." Jasper just shook his head, the sadness apparent on his face. I let it drop because I felt tears ready to spring into action, and I was tired of crying. We were quiet the rest of the way, and I dozed off for the last leg of our trip.

Many things had changed in eight month's time, but not the lake. The lake remained unchanged. The lake had seen so much and yet simply remained the same.

"The water's too cold to swim, but we can go out on the boat and build a camp fire later tonight. Grill dogs and make s'mores?" Jasper suggested, patting my knee as we pulled up the gravel drive.

"Sure."

"Bells, are you okay?"

"Not really."

"You want to talk?"

"Later. Right now I just want to lie down for a while."

I drifted off to sleep in the twin bed I briefly shared with Edward last summer. I imagined his arms around me as I sunk deeper into the realm of sleep. From within my dreamscape I could hear _his_ voice and the honeyed quality of his clover words. They felt so close, so real.

"Jazz, is she here?"

"What if she is?"

"I need to talk to her." His voice crept closer.

"I don't think you do."

"Jazz, I'm serious."

"You gave me that line before, Ace. I trusted you, and so did she."

"I know. Please, let me see her. I need to talk to her." His plea somersaulted inside my semiconscious mind.

"Talk to me."

"God damn it, Jasper. I'm not talking to you."

"Then you're not talking to her."

"Fuck. What the fuck do you want me to say, Jazz?"

"How could you, man?"

"How could I what?"

"My sister means the world to me, and she trusted you. I warned her, but she wouldn't listen. Stubborn just like our dad. I can't believe you …"

"I didn't, not like that, not with her. Jazz, I—"

I bolted upright and scrambled out of bed, throwing my door open as I came face to face with the boy of my dreams.

"Bella." His unsteady voice sounded my name as our eyes took each other in, we had both changed.

"Bells, you don't have to talk to him. I can make him leave," Jasper offered.

"It's fine. I want to talk to him. I appreciate you looking out for me, Jasper, but I need to do this."

"I'm warning you, Ace. I'm not as cool mannered as our dad, and I'll beat the shit out of you if you hurt her any more. Talk. I'm gonna take a walk."

I wanted to say something to my brother about his dramatics, I think he out preformed even me, but I let him go without a word because I needed to talk to Edward.

"Bella." His eyes coursed my face and scanned my frame quickly.

I just shook my head, trying to make sense of the undeniable pull I felt for this boy. The boy I hadn't seen in over six months or talked to in weeks.

"Why?" I whispered.

"I—" Seconds spanned like hours.

"That's the best you've got?" I challenged.

"Your hair is darker," he whispered, taking a small step closer.

"Yours is shorter."

"You're so fucking beautiful." Another step closer.

"So are you," I whispered.

"Beautiful? Me?" he questioned, with a huff.

"Yeah. I wish I could say you weren't. I wish many things, but it doesn't make a difference. What I wish for never comes true."

Toe-to-toe, a breaths width apart, he asked, "What do you wish for, Bella?"

"Please, don't do this. Not again. I'm not sure I could survive touching you, feeling you, having you so close, and then leaving again." I took a small step backwards.

"I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry. But I didn't know what else to do. You were no longer a two hour car ride away. You were twenty-five hours away and your dad refused to let me come see you. I tried to talk to him, I wanted to see you over the Christmas holiday. I wanted—" He retreated and exhaled with defeat.

Suddenly, I snapped. I didn't allow him to finish. I didn't stop to reason. I rushed him at full speed as if a car darting out into oncoming traffic. I attacked him and we stumbled back. His mouth met mine with the same impulsive hunger. Edward's hands on my body—grasping, tugging, squeezing—brought feeling back to my empty, black world. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to immerse myself in his essence.

Edward's kisses grew desperate, and I savored every devouring pass of his probing tongue. I knew as his teeth trailed my neck there was no looking back. My need for him hadn't diminished, and I wanted him with a renewed fierceness burning inside. Entwining our limbs, I needed to be closer to become one with this boy.

"God, Bella," he broke from my flesh, leaving me a panting mess, "I—fuck—"

"Yes," I blurted.

"Yes, what?" he questioned me with confusion.

"I want you. I want my first time to be with you. Please! Please, teach me."

He cupped my face in the crook of his hands and rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks. "Bella…"

"Please, give me this, Edward!"

"God I want to, beautiful. More than you know. But—"

I made no apologies for my actions as I straddled his hips with a swift leap, threading my legs around his waist. Lacing my fingers through the shorter hair at the nape of his neck, over the freckle that could be seen more clearly now, I inched my way in for another kiss. A kiss that would change everything, a kiss that sealed our fate. My inexperienced lips teased the plush mouth of the blush-lipped boy into submission with perfection.

His willful moans hummed through my body, igniting my insides with the impending hope that this was the moment I would finally give myself to the boy I loved. Edward scooped me up and carried me out the front door of the lake shack. I broke our kiss when I realized we were headed to his car.

"What are—"

"Get in." He yanked opened the passenger side door and ushered me inside. I obeyed. When he slid into the driver's seat and started the engine, I couldn't mask my confusion.

"Edward—"

"If you really want this, and _I_ really want this, we have to—I need condoms."

"Oh." The realization of what he was saying struck me. Condoms. For sex.

"Bella, are you sure? You look a little … unsure."

I nodded, though I was the proverbial deer caught in the headlights in that moment, and he knew.

"Bella, talk to me."

"I just … I don't—that makes this seem so … real."

"Listen to me. This is real. I want to make love to you. I'd like nothing more, but I want to know you're ready. We're gonna take a drive, and I'm gonna go inside the quick-mart if you want me to. If not, it's fine. I just honestly need to know you are ready, and I want to do this the right way. I love you, Bella. I've never stopped loving you. But I need you to be sure."

I stared at the boy beside me, his compassion and concern, his maturity and love knocking the breath from my chest, and I knew I would never love another as I did him in that moment. "I'm sure," I managed beneath the weight of his hypnotizing green gaze.

The return trip didn't take long, and I'm not sure who was more nervous by then.

"Bella?"

"Shh, stop asking me." I got out of the car quickly, noticing Jasper's truck was gone, and we made our way back into the tiny room inside the lake house. Once inside, I locked the door, the small click held finality within the quick decisive movement.

Edward stood with the little yellow bag in his hand, staring me down. His emerald eyes danced like diamonds as he tossed the bag on the nightstand. He took three short steps and pressed his forehead to mine. "Bella, I love you." Then he kissed my mouth. It was a slow kiss as he coaxed my tongue out of hiding. He held me close, hands traversing the curves of my body, slowly exploring. He took his time removing each layer of clothing from my skin until I stood in my bra and panties before him.

He swallowed. "You're so beautiful."

It was my turn to undress him, and I did so mimicking his movements, savoring each reveal. Long lines and cut angles, his body was a visual playground. I'd seen his bare chest many times before, but as we stood toe-to-toe only in our undergarments appraising each other, his blatant sex appeal struck me.

"You're so …"

He took a step closer. "What," he whispered and nibbled my ear. He placed his hands in the swell of my hips created for his touch, and the heat radiating from him lit my insides.

"Mmm." I didn't have a word I felt could complete the sentence.

He slid his hands up the curve of my torso and caressed his way behind me. With one deft movement, he'd unsnapped my bra. Nervous hands pressed into my back and held me close as he kissed my mouth. He worked me to a frenzy with his hungry kisses, his hands moving slowly in contrast, dragging my bra straps over my shoulders and down my arms. Our lips parted as he released the petal pink fabric to the floor. My pert nipples hardened to painful points under his appraisal.

"Wow," he breathed.

We only stood apart for seconds, but the thousands of images flashing in my mind made the time feel much longer in reality. His hands found their way back to the curve of my hips as he urged me backwards onto the bed. A shudder tore through me, rushing my spine as the backs of my knees hit the mattress. The small bed would no longer be for comfort or rest; the bed would be a backdrop to our secret exploration.

Hovered above me, eye to eye, Edward whispered against my lips. "Are you sure, Bella?"

"Yes," I whispered.

As I released a breath, his mouth descended on mine. Teeth nipping and tongue soothing the forgotten trail, his hot mouth was on my breast, and the memory of what he could elicit with a flick of his tongue was on the precipice of coming true. He slid his hand lower while his mouth toyed with my nipple. As his fingers slowly dipped inside my cotton panties, my breath hitched, and his throaty plea hummed through my body. "Mmm."

My heart was thundering inside my chest, my skin on fire, and my anticipation at an all time high as he slowly slid a finger inside of me. My mind ceased to comprehend all meaning at that moment. The electrifying sensation of having his finger penetrate me and move inside my body was mind blowing. With each precise movement I felt my excitement build, and when he added another finger, I thought my brain registered pain—until it did not—he moved with care and affection as my breaths became heavy and shallow.

"Talk to me, beautiful. Does it feel good?" With a nervous nod of my head, he sped his movements slightly.

His skillful hand moved in and out, in quick succession and then he ran his thumb across the pinked flesh, sending shuddering waves like nothing I'd ever felt to surge through my body. I made a frightful sound, heart pounding, gasping for air as he slowed his hand, and moved to kiss my mouth.

"Beautiful," he breathed.

Mindless, boneless, I was too spent to feel embarrassed. I lazily stared back into Edward's hooded eyes as he reached across me for the yellow bag. He placed it beside him on the bed, pausing with the question I knew he wanted to ask again.

"Yes, teach me," I answered. "I want to be with you in every way, Edward."

"Okay." He stood and slipped his boxers off and my eyes took in his erection for the first time. I swallowed.

"I'll go slow. It'll fit. Stop thinking."

I was thankful for his choice of words because I had absolutely no clue how that thing was to fit inside of me. He climbed back onto the bed and slid my panties completely free of my body.

And there we were, naked in bed together. He pressed the full length of his body against mine and slid his hands across my skin, over curves and slopes, caressing and heating my flesh. I ran my hands over the hard planes of his shoulders and the angles down his back. The feel of his bare skin beneath my fingers and our naked bodies, hard and soft, so close, but not yet connected, made the desire within me grow. I danced my fingers down the slope of his butt and clutched him close. I wanted to be connected to him in every way.

"Shit, Bella. Your hands on my body are more than—fuck." He blew out a stream of breath and forced some distance.

"Did I … did I do something wrong?"

"No! I just—I need a minute. This is … you are … fuck. You're sure?"

I could see the nervousness in his grass green eyes, and though I was admittedly feeling the same, I knew what I wanted. I nodded my head, and he moved his slowly in reply.

My eyes didn't leave his face as he opened the little box and then the small wrapper. I watched with fascination as he sheathed himself inside the condom. He cleared his throat and inched his way on top of me. Lowering his weight, he gently nudged my legs apart with his knee. Positioned between my spread legs chest to chest, he supported his upper body with his elbows as he began to move his hips. Sliping himself between my legs without penetration, he caused the burning warmth to spread deep in my lower belly with every pass. My breaths racing with need, heat licking between my legs, I shuddered.

"Ah." His hard length sliding between me felt incredible, and I was no expert but I felt like I was on the verge of another orgasm. "Edward…"

"I love you, Bella." His eyes connected with mine, and with one upward slide and the assistance of his hand, he entered me for the first time. Inch by inch, he eased inside retreating a minuscule amount each time until he was moving with a slow rhythm. As the building buzz thrummed in my belly, he flicked his hips and pain snapped me. The gasp that left my lips was unintentional, and he stilled instantly.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

I nodded and then shook my head.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Bella. I never want to hurt you. Never."

"It's okay. I'm okay. Please, don't stop."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I nodded franticly and made a small movement with my hips to encourage him.

Slowly he began again, and the pain had ebbed. Only lazy waves of indescribable sensations remained as he moved above me. In and out, gaining speed. I ran my hands all over his body, thrumming inside with the mounting euphoria of the new sensations. He kissed my mouth with the same enthusiasm and rhythm of his purposeful thrusts.

"God, you feel really good, Bella. Being inside of you is … is … shit—I'm gonna come. Uh—" Edward's movements became quick and erratic and the throaty moans that left his mouth sent shivers down my spine. Watching him come apart while inside of me left me in a state of complete awe. God he was beautiful.

~oOo~

"You're so sweet," he said to me again and the sound of his honeyed hum sweetened the caresses he was trailing across my face and down my neck. We'd dressed afterwards in case Jasper decided to come back, but we hadn't wanted to leave each other's embrace. It felt too good being in Edward's arms. "Are you sure I didn't—"

"I'm fine. Better than fine. Please, Edward, stop asking."

"I'm sorry." He dragged his finger across my lips as his eyes worshiped me. "You're so beautiful inside and out. Making love to you was amazing, Bella."

I smiled with the fresh memory beginning to take root, but then my mind drifted. "Edward, why did you stop calling?"

He released an exaggerated breath and lowered his eyes for a moment. "It's hard to explain. It wasn't intentional, it's just every time I'd have a free chance to call, your dad would answer. He told me repeatedly to stop calling. I tried to talk to him more than once, but he was quite adamant about his preferences. My classes are a lot harder than I thought they'd be, too; it's a lot of work. I feel like all I do is study and think about you. I wish you weren't so far away. I wish your dad could just understand how I feel about you. I've tried to get him to listen—honestly. I even tried to see you over Christmas break. But your dad—"

"I didn't know." I touched his face.

"I know." Edward held sadness in his eyes.

"Why'd you stop talking to Jasper?"

"Uh, that's a bit more complicated. We, uh … we sort of have different agendas."

"Agendas?"

"Jazz likes to party. That's not really my scene."

"Oh."

"I'm serious, Bella. There isn't a moment in the day that goes by that I don't think of you or equate something to you. This fucking sucks!"

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," he sighed.

The knock saved our uncomfortable silence.

"Bells," Jasper called from the other side of my door.

"Yeah. It's open," I hollered.

Edward and I sat up and he pulled me back in-between his legs to lean against the tiny headboard as Jasper entered.

"So you guys kiss and make up?" I couldn't judge my brother's intent from his tone or face.

I stiffened a bit, and Edward entwined his long fingers with mine, reminding me of his presence. "Yeah. We're good."

"Cool. Ace, I'm sorry, man. I just—look, I know we've kind of gone our own ways, but I'd really like us to be friends again."

We all ate together that evening at the lake, and for a brief moment, I believed the three of us would figure it all out. I believed in the impossible and hope and faith and love. I loved Edward with all my heart, and I believed in him.

~oOo~

Edward and I made love so many times over the next four days, but I never got my fill. His gentle hand gave way to the raw, frenzied desire we both held deep inside, and he taught me many things. Naughty things, beautiful things, things of pure bliss.

"I don't want to leave," I whispered, wrapped up in his flesh.

"God, Bella, me either."

"Maybe if I try, ya know. Maybe if I participate in life again then my dad will—"

"What do mean?"

"I, uh, I sort of—well, I dyed my hair black and kind of just … stopped living, stopped socializing."

He caressed my face and waited.

"Maybe if I were to dance again and—"

"You quit dance?"

I nodded.

"Bella, you can't quit dance. You have to dance. You belong on the stage. God, listen to me—when you go back you have to dance. Start with that. I promise I won't stop calling, I won't let him discourage us—me. We'll respect his wishes, but I'll find a way to see you. I love you, and we'll make this work. Okay?"

"Okay. I love you, too."

We parted ways that spring with swollen lips and saddened eyes at the airport, clasping fingers until the last possible second.

~oOo~

Jasper had even promised his assistance with dad when we said our goodbyes as well. I'd miss him too, and I felt bad for blowing my brother off the majority of spring break, sort of. As the return days grew longer and the memories faded thinner, I kept my promise to Edward. I began to dance again, and I made a new friend.

She was a little too upbeat at times, but her high energy and genuine manner endeared me to her quickly. Alice became my confidant, and I shared the whole story of the lake house and the blush-lipped boy with her. It felt good to share things with someone again. We spent most of our free time together, and Alice often commented on photos of my brother when she stayed the night with me.

"Damn, your brother is really hot, Bella."

"Uh, ya girls always fall for Jazz. But he has shit taste and always ends up with skanky ones."

"Too bad," she teased with a glazed look in her eyes.

We would giggle and laugh and talk for hours about everything and nothing.

Alice had a computer at her house, which was awesome because we did not, and she helped me set up an email account. When I told Edward he was thrilled. We began emailing every day, and his words blew me away. He wrote beautiful words capable of sweeping me off my feet with a mere two hundred. I saved them all and even printed them out so I could read and reread them in my room at night.

Summer break was fast approaching and we had plans to return to the lake house and meet up with Jasper. The plane ticket was pinned to the small corkboard in my room, and I would run my fingers across it as I marked another day off my word-of-the-day calendar.

It was June 4, 1999 and I rushed over to Alice's house to say goodbye before my dad drove me to the airport.

"Be safe, have fun, and call me as soon as you get in. I'm gonna miss you," Alice beamed.

"I will. I'll miss you too, Alice. Take care." I gave her a tight hug before I left. Alice had filled a niche in my life. Our love of dance brought us together, but her quiet compassion and bubbly outlook reminded me so much of my mom, I felt drawn to her. Alice was an angel sent to me in a time of need.

I'd successfully made it through my junior year, and Dad spoke up before I boarded my plane.

"I love you, Bells. I'm so proud of you. I know this has been a difficult move for you, but I think things are gonna work out just fine here after all."

"I love you too, Daddy." I still hated Arizona, but making the best of it had made my dad come around a bit. Though, he wasn't privy to the secret phone calls and hidden emails to Edward.

"Give Jazz my love, and I'll see you in a week," he said, placing a peck on my cheek.

I gave my dad a hug and boarded the plane.

Landing in Washington felt like heaven, coming home to the lush greens. I walked the tarmac with nervous energy, I could barely contain. When I spotted Jasper, my face lit up, until I realized he was alone.

"Jazz, where's Edward?"

He didn't respond for a moment, and then he ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Uh, he said he had something to take care of first."

I couldn't understand what Jasper was saying. I just spoke to Edward yesterday and he sounded so excited on the phone, asking me repeatedly about my flight information. _"I can't wait to see you!" he said._

Suddenly my world tilted on its axis, and the emerging faces and cacophony of erupting sounds all began to blur as we made our way to Jasper's truck. He was eerily quiet, and I was nauseated.

"Bells, Edward gave me this to give to you." He handed me a cream colored envelope once inside the cocoon of his truck.

I slipped it open and cut my finger. Sucking the blood from the tip of my finger, I read the words on the crisp piece of stationary monogrammed with the gilded 'E':

_Isabella,_

_I'm not quite sure how to say this, so I'll just get right to the point. I'm sorry, but I'm not good for you. I tried. I honestly tried, but I can't, and for that I'm deeply sorry. I wish the best for you in life because you truly deserve it. Always keep dancing._

_Love,_

_Edward_

"Bells?" I barely registered Jasper's voice as I shook my head like a mindless zombie. The movement feeling disconnected from my decisive cognitive functioning.

"I don't understand. Why … how … when—" The burning ache tore through me as I choked on the words and angry unrepentant tears fell without another word.

Jasper took the note from my hand. His eyes flew across the hand written script on the stationary.

"That motherfucker! I'm gonna fucking kill him," Jasper shouted and pounded his fist on the dashboard.

"Jazz," The tears poured out of me as Jasper pulled me close and held me.

"Shh. I'm so sorry, Bells." Jasper tried to sooth me. He held me for several moments before I regained some semblance of composure.

Finally he drove us to the lake house as I swiped at errant tears.

I rushed to the phone to call Alice as soon as we arrived and quickly shared everything, urging her to check my email.

"Nothing, Bella." Alice said as she checked my account.

"Nothing?" I questioned.

"Nope, I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"Alice can you send him an email and ask him to please call me at this number here at the lake house."

"Sure. Let me grab a pen."

She did as I asked and reread the words she typed aloud to me.

"Yeah that's good. Okay, can you send it?" I rushed my words, impatient and answerless.

"Done. You want to talk some more?" Alice questioned.

"No. I—"

"Wait … I just got a reply," she perked up.

"What? What's it say, Alice?"

"Oh, it's a delivery failure notice."

"What? What does that mean?" I didn't understand.

"Maybe I sent it wrong. Hang on." I could hear her fingers tapping across the keys. Then nothing. The silence that spread across the line was killing me.

"Alice?"

"I think the account has been deleted or closed. It was kicked back again, Bella."

"Wh—Oh. Okay, thanks, Alice. I've … I've got to go. I'll call you—" and I hung up.

Jasper stood leaning against the counter witnessing the train wreck as it was unfolding before him.

"Nothing?" he confirmed.

I shook my head.

"That son-of-a-bitch!"

"Jazz, what did he say to you? I mean … when he gave you the note."

"Uh. I don't know. I stopped by to tell him I was heading to the airport to pick you up, and he asked me to give you this letter. So I asked him why he wasn't riding with me. He said he had something to take care of first, and then just asked me again to give you the letter. I assumed he'd meet us here. I thought he—that goddamned mother—"

"Jazz—take me to the campus."

"Bells?"

"Jasper!"

"All right. Let's go."

Jasper drove with his music blaring, and everything Edward ever promised me was ringing in my ears. The long drive back in the direction we just came seemed ridiculous, but I had to have answers. Answers I would never get. He wasn't there. He was nowhere. Gone. Vanished.

The darkness crept in again and blackness claimed my heart. Had I known making love to him over spring break would be our parting goodbye, I would have kissed him longer that last time, clenched him tighter, held him closer. I would have resisted sleep our final night together beneath the sheets of the twin bed we shared and watched him all night instead.

We left the lake that summer, and I returned to the choking depths of Arizona, but not for long. Jasper quit school and joined the Marine Corps a month later, and I had no reason to return to Seattle or the lake house ever again.

* * *

**More next week.**


	19. Ghost

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 18**

**Ghost**

* * *

**Current day:**

Tucked securely in the back of a cab, we inched our way through the traffic. As I glanced out the window at the storefronts and people passing by, the air was abruptly sucked from my lungs. Not by a dementor or equally riveting villain from a childhood fantasy book, but by an actual ghost from my past. I tried to blink the confusion away as I thanked the heavens for the grid lock at that particular moment.

It was him. Across the street. I hadn't seen him since I was sixteen years old, and there he stood behind the glass in the book store across the street. I'd know him anywhere, across oceans, traversing deserts.

"Stop! Stop the car."

"Miss—"

"I've changed my mind. Here, keep the change." I slipped money to the driver and hopped out of the cab.

Crossing the street, I was vacant of any sense or reason, I was the lovesick teenage fool all over again. I darted through the throngs of people meandering through their day, my eyes locked on the flash of autumn hair, without a clue as to what I'd do next. When he turned towards me and met my eyes with his own through the nearing glass, I froze outside for a moment. Cemented curbside.

Then I saw her: blonde, beautiful. She touched him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear with an engaging smile, and I retreated. Deplete of hope again in a matter of seconds. His face did that curious thing it had always done when we were kids, but I still couldn't read him. Though, it no longer mattered because the look no longer belonged to me, it belonged to the stunning blonde.

He had her now.

* * *

**And ... talk to me. ;-)**


	20. Her

******Thanks for all the continued readers, follows, favs, and reviews!**

* * *

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 19**

**Her**

* * *

With shaking hands and a thundering heart I secured a rental, clinging to my original plan with more resolve than before, and drove to the one place I'd sworn I'd never return. As I eased up the gravel drive, I was shocked with the condition of the broken down shack. It was no longer broken down.

I'd turned the management over to a rental company in 2008, and it seemed they'd taken care of everything. I knew the little shack turned a profit every year as a rental, but I never realized, never thought it could be so charming.

The cheerful yellow paint struck me, and I remembered the gingham curtains Mom had hung all those years ago. I'm sure they no longer remained, but the color of the exterior would have pleased my mother.

I eased the key the management company gave me into the lock, and the inside was as charming as the facade. Immediately, I was drawn into a world of memories, a world of forgotten pasts, a world of ghosts. Faded giggles and laughter flitted through my melancholy mind. It was just me now.

It had been fourteen years and six months since I last stepped inside this tiny cottage on the lake, and I'd experienced an entire lifetime in those years. A life of determination, success, disappointments, and grief.

The day was losing light, so I decided to make my way down to the old dock. It too had seen repair and was a brilliant place to watch the setting sun. I allowed my mind to wander and think of all the joy our family had once shared here at the lake during the blissful days of childhood before that fateful summer everything had changed.

As the sun silently slipped into slumber, I grabbed my bags and headed back into the lake house. Fumbling in the small kitchen, I sliced a ripe tomato and toasted bread as I'd done so many times before. I ate in solitude and stared at the book that now sat on the small wooden table.

The image of him all grown—a man in every sense, even more brutally handsome than I'd remembered, standing in the bookstore back in the city—haunted me. The years had been kind to him. And the book called out to me again. It was finally time. I needed answers, and if the book held any, I was finally going to unearth them.

I eased into a quaint wicker rocker on the small porch and held the full weight of his novel in my hands. Flipping the cover open, I smoothed back the title page and then the copyright information, one by one, until the dedication page stilled my hand. It held one word: You.

The dedication of the novel for everyone struck me as odd, but it didn't stop my determination. I flipped to the first chapter, _On The Dock_, and began to read:

_Seeing her for the first time took his breath away. Long brown hair falling around her shoulders, a sweet innocence about her with absolutely no clue as to the alarming quality of her beauty. Though, it was the warmth in her eyes that owned him from that very first moment._

_He wanted to kiss her many times out on the lake when the sun warmed her skin and lightly pinked her cheeks. He'd become irrationally jealous of the sun's rays and how they licked her flesh. But she was only fourteen._

_They had many things in common, but he held back in his disclosure of the cherished similarities and interests. She was the most intriguing creature he'd ever known. How one could be so brilliant and naïve all at once remained inconceivable to him. She held the power to completely unravel him, and yet she never knew._

_~o~_

I devoured the words, his words, words I'd never known. Though the characters in Edward's book, _Ethan and Ella and Josh_, had different names, I knew it was us.

~o~

_There was something about the entire Byrd family that held appeal to Ethan. Perhaps it was the fact they were all so happy before the summer ended in heartbreak, when there on the edge of the dock, they were all told of Mrs. Byrd's cancer. _

_Ethan didn't get to say goodbye to the beautiful girl, who he'd often sketch from memory before bed in his room by the moonlit night. But luck was on Ethan's side when he came to discover he'd be attending high school with the Byrd siblings. It gave him tremendous pleasure to see her again, but soon turned to searing despair._

_~o~_

Reading his melodic words, I could almost recall the lilting voice from memory. I was only a third of the way into the book, but so far, every chosen word held some special meaning. He had approached this novel with a deft hand and careful consideration, which I admired greatly.

~o~

_Ella's eyes were swollen with unrelenting tears as Ethan went to comfort her. He held her in his arms, wanting nothing more than to claim her as his own forever. But he knew the timing was not right for them. When she bore the full warmth of her eyes on him and asked for a kiss, he was powerless to her innocence, and he obliged. Though he did not kiss her as he so desired, he kissed her as she deserved. He worshiped her and treasured her sweetness._

And just as he held the ability to break me with his words in person, the ones in print took my breath without permission, and I doubled over on the porch. The tears returned with a vengeance as I felt the whisper of a kiss on long forgotten virgin lips. I swiped at my tears in anger and confusion as I found both relief and bewilderment in his prose. I devoured the flesh of the story, turning page after page of the beautiful memories he, too, recalled, filling me with increasing perplexity.

I read about all 'our firsts' through his eyes, firsts he penned with extreme care and an adept hand. With absolutely no vulgarity, and yet not quite a fade to black, he skillfully described the intimate details I remembered but concealed them in his carefully crafted characters. I was nearing the end of the journey for Ethan and Ella inside the pages of the book, yet no answers had truly been revealed. Edward had changed details of his character Ethan enough where the discrepancies would go unnoticed by anyone except perhaps by me.

As I read the end of the contrived happily ever after Ethan and Ella shared, I was more discouraged than ever. I closed the book with the rising sun and resolutely made my way to the edge of the dock. Without fanfare or ostentation, I hurled the book into the lake. It startled a nearby nest of birds, but I made no apology. It was nothing but a bundle of lies. A fabrication using my life without permission. There was no goddamned happily ever after in real life.

I made my way into the tiny, cheerful kitchen I wanted to loathe—along with the man who wrote the goddamned words in the fucking book I should have never read—and put on a pot of coffee.

"Now what?" I spoke to the empty room, grasping the edge of the counter, allowing my head to fall and my shoulders to slump. Horrible posture for a dancer, but I couldn't care less.

"It was the ending I would have chosen." The honeyed voice with a little age on it more like a fine whiskey scared the crap out of me as I spun around on bare feet.

There he stood, after all this time, devastatingly handsome, a grown man, Edward Cullen was on the other side of the screen door. I lost all ability to function. I was utterly shell-shocked.

"Can I … can I come in?" His timbre had indeed deepened but affected me the same as it always had, washing over me without permission, filling me, possessing me.

I simply nodded, a natural response to anything he'd ever asked of me, yet I had absolutely no control. I never did.

"Isabella."

"How could you?" I breathed.

"How could I not?"

And then I grew strong, the marrow returned to my bones, and I recalled the strength that lay dormant, deep inside of me. I was a grown woman who'd experienced so much loss and heartache thorough the years and now knew better than to submit to this enticing creature. I was not a child any longer, and he was right all those years ago, I held the power, only now I knew I did.

"You had no right. None. That was our story you contorted and twisted into something consumable for mass marketing. What a contrived bundle of crap. I thought—" I just shook my head.

"You thought what?" His whiskey words enticing me to imbibe, taunted me.

"I thought I knew you."

"You did."

"No. The boy I knew disappeared."

"He had to."

I glared into the gleaming green his eyes brilliantly held. My once upon a time made up favorite color.

"Why? Why Edward?"

"I wanted you to live your life, chase your dreams—and you did. I saw you on the stage in 2001 with The Royal Ballet. You were merely an artist with the company at that time, but I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You commanded the stage even in the backdrop, and in 2008 when you became a principal dancer, I witnessed your happiness bleed into the orchestra."

"Stop! You no longer have the right to be proud of me, or supportive in any way. You gave up all your rights to me when you left without an explanation—without a trace."

"I was always there, Isabella."

"Don't. I can't listen to this. You weren't there. You promised me you would be, but you weren't. You weren't there! Not at the lake that summer, not four years later when Jasper was killed in action defending his country, and not five years after that when I finally buried the last of my family. My dad died of a broken heart—heart attack they said. You weren't there for any of it! You left. You fucking left!"

"I was there," he whispered and then took a breath. "They presented Jasper's young bride with a flag and a purple heart medal in honor of his service to our country. Your dad was too devastated to even stand, so you held his flag for him in your own quivering hands."

"Oh my, God," I breathed. "Why?"

"I promised you, Isabella, I would always love you. Charlie's service was a quiet matter in a small Arizona cemetery. You were resplendent even in your grief, and your husband sat by your side. I was happy to know you'd found someone to share your life with."

"Riley, and I divorced two years ago."

"I know," he whispered.

"You know?" I parroted.

"Yes. That's when I began my book."

"You fucking asshole!"

A voice clearing a throat filtered through the screen door. "Am I interrupting?" The stunning blond with brilliant eyes and perfect white teeth stood just on the other side of the screen.

"Rose, I asked you to wait at the house." Edward opened the screen door to let the little tramp enter my lake house. I was seething on the inside.

"I'm sorry … I just came to tell you I was going to run up to the store. There's nothing to eat, and I thought I'd prepare a picnic for us for lunch."

"Okay, that'd be lovely. I left the keys on the counter." I hated the easy sound of his voice as he spoke to her.

The fucking knockout just stood there, so I couldn't help myself.

"Hi. I'm Isabella Swan." I held my hand out.

"Rosalie Cullen. Nice to meet you." She smiled, and I had to control my urge to want to strangle her. I knew I was being ridiculous, but to see him with someone so flawless like her made my anger boil. I'd secretly hoped he never truly found happiness. The statement made me sound like a shallow, selfish bitch, but he broke my heart and left without a reason. I was hurt and was served one devastating blow after another. I no longer had it in me to be selfless. I was bitter.

"Likewise." I faked a rendition of a natural smile.

"Rose—" He must have felt the suffocating unease unfurl in the small space.

"Okay, I've got to run to the store. Do you need me to get you anything, Isabella? While I'm out?"

"No, thank you." I hated her even more for her thoughtfulness.

Then she left, placing a kiss on Edward's cheek. "See ya in a bit."

We stood unmoved as we heard the screen door creak in protest.

"She's lovely," I lied.

"She is."

"Though, you look old enough to be her father, but I suppose that's just as acceptable as it's always been. I'm sure your bank account is no less desirable than your honeyed words and your rugged good looks to someone as young and flawless as her. You always did like to corrupt the innocent."

At that he began to laugh. A deep, delicious laugh, I wished I could wrap myself within and simultaneously hated myself for wishing.

"Ah! I see your tenacity hasn't changed, and the wit in your humor is brilliant. However, the sharp snap to your tongue is new, but understandable."

"Oh my, God! You know what? I don't want to do this. I don't want to speak in witty riddles and coded conundrums any more. Edward, congratulations on the supreme success of your book, and I wish you the very best with your illegal eye candy on your arm. Now could you please leave my house, my life, and me alone!"

The hardened line to his jaw tensed as he took a breath and then a step closer. I swallowed as the nearness of him unsteadied my resolve. "I dreamt about this moment many nights." He took another step. "I replayed it in my mind countless times." And another. "I wondered if the chemistry we once had was actually this palpable or if I'd distorted the memory through the years." He had me backed into the counter and my pertinacity crumbled. "You're even more beguiling than you ever were. Age becomes you, Isabella. You're the lovely one I desire, the one I've always wanted, the one timing and circumstance kept me from. You. Only you." The undeniable electric energy surged between us and he took one quick breath and whispered, "Rose is my daughter, Isabella."

And before there was time to process his words entirely, his lips were on mine. The perfectly plush lips of the man, who was once the blush-lipped boy, curled his consonants around my name and kissed me with a raging, fierce passion as if no time had passed between our last.

* * *

**So what say you for now? **

**What will Bela do when she comes to her senses?**

**Obviously there are a lot of questions to be answered. But I'd love to hear your thoughts for the time. **


	21. You

**The Lake House**

**Chapter 20**

**You**

* * *

Reality momentarily vacated my brain, and I was caught up in a dream world I'd fantasized about many times, until I regained my senses. Shoving at his shoulders, I backed away and the confusion that always hovered around us returned with full force.

"Stop! What the hell do you think you're doing?" I'd recovered slightly from the amazing kiss, I wanted to deny rendered me a babbling mess, but I couldn't quite conjure the amount of anger I wanted in his presence. Such an easy adversary. I was ridiculous.

"I'm sorry. That was completely out of line." He retreated.

"You can't just—wait—what?" My thoughts quickly flooded my mind.

"I'm apologizing. I was—"

"No, not that. You have a daughter? Rose? I—Wa—"

"Yes, I wanted to tell you. Many times. But life is—life doesn't always unfold like you think it will. Even with perfect planning." Edward released a huge breath, and that was the first time I saw the real look of age, sadness, and regret in his features.

My mind was a minefield, a thin wire strung taut between all the sensors, all blinking, one wrong move and they'd all engage. I was caught stock-still inside my own head, needing immediate answers but proceed with caution.

"Do you—would you like some coffee?" _Coffee? _I had no clue what coffee would solve, but it was the first benign thing that popped into my mind. Otherwise, I would've ripped into him and set the minefield off. I knew enough to tread lightly for the sake of my sanity, and coffee was convenient.

"That'd be great."

I fumbled with the cups and cream, and we sat at the small table in the kitchen of my lake house. I waited patiently for him to speak first as the silence between us spread like molasses. He took a sip of his coffee, blush lips curling around the mug, and my mind was racing again in a thousand different directions, careful not to trip the finely strung wire. Then he finally spoke—words I'd waited for so long to hear. Words I'd once imagined were whispered in my dreams. Words with answers I craved.

"That summer, the night before I was to meet you at the airport, after we'd hung up, I got a phone call. A phone call that changed my life. Changed everything. My past had finally caught up with me. When I'd stayed with my mom shortly before she died, she had a nurse. Irina was twenty-two, and I was a virgin. She took advantage of my grief, though at the time, I didn't see it that way. She promised mindless oblivion. She promised to erase my pain and grant pleasure in return. At fifteen, the thrill seemed exciting and without consequence.

"Being an adult, I know now how utterly ridiculous that sentiment is—everything in life, every choice, has a consequence. Of that I am far too familiar with." The stoicism in Edward's features foreshadowed the remainder of his story.

"After I buried my mother, the pain was worse—the pleasure and thrill of Irina had lost its appeal. I left London near the end of 1995 and never thought of the tryst again. When I returned to Chicago, and my dad and Esme simply continued with their everyday life, I lost it. I was crazy with grief and sort of fell in with the wrong crowd for a while. Dad decided the move to Washington and a change of pace would do us all some good. That's when I met you.

"You were so innocent and sweet, and I saw how you looked at me. I tried to be the boy you saw through your eyes. I knew I'd been granted a second chance, and I was determined to not screw it up. I wanted to be the friend you needed—I knew your grief, experienced it firsthand, but I fell in love with you along the way. I never saw my past sneaking up, until it hit me like a freight train. I was so fucking stupid.

"Irina tracked me down at Udub that summer night of 1999 and proceeded to inform me I had a daughter in London and she would be turning three in September of that year. I couldn't fucking breathe, I couldn't think straight, but I knew I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't. I refused to be that selfish asshole, so I did the only thing I could. I let you go. I had to figure things out—the fucking mess I'd created. Only, it wasn't all a mess—Rose was—I mean at first it was a fucking disaster, but as soon as I saw the little bundle of blonde curls and my green eyes gleaming back at me, I knew. I knew. She was all squeals and giggles and mine. I was nineteen, and you were only sixteen, Isabella. Sixteen," he breathed, and the weight of the word pierced me. "I was … I—" Edward paused as he registered the acknowledgment in my eyes.

"Rose had me wrapped around her little finger in no time. So I transferred to the University of Cambridge. I couldn't—not be a part of her life. She was my daughter. No matter what, the one thing both my parents taught me was to take responsibility for my actions, and Rose was just as much my responsibility as she was Irina's. Though, I was pissed at Irina. She was the one in the wrong. She knew all along what she was doing, I suspect. We fought often, but I refused to put Rose in the middle. I lived on my own just outside of London, and we shared custody of Rose until Irina could no longer care for her. Irina was sick, and I didn't find out until later, that was why she originally contacted me. She died in 2001, and Rose wasn't quite five. I completed my final year at Cambridge and decided to move back stateside with Rose. Before we left, I took her to the ballet. We saw you on the stage and I thought I was dreaming." Edward paused, and I grasped my mug tighter between my fingers, needing something to cling to. Our eyes locked again as he continued.

"I'd never stopped thinking about you, Isabella, and when I saw you I thought—maybe this was fate intervening. Maybe I could just say hello, but then I saw how happy you were. How alive you looked on the stage. You were just beginning your life at eighteen as a dancer. You didn't need my baggage dragging you down. So I left quietly with Rose. I attended grad school at NYU and raised her on my own, but I couldn't get you out of my head."

I simply shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't speak.

"I followed your dance career from New York and heard about Jasper's death in 2003. The news struck me in a way I can't explain, and I knew I had to see you just to make sure—" Edward took a breath and I waited.

"I flew to California by myself and swore I was just going to pay my respects, but on the plane, I decided I had to talk to you. When I arrived and saw you and your boyfriend, seated by your dad and Jasper's young widow clinging to grief and the American flags, I realized I was no longer a part of your life. I'd lost the chance to share your grief. So I quietly watched from the wings, paying my respects, and silently returned to New York and my daughter."

"Oh, Edward." I unsuccessfully bit back tears at the painful memory of losing Jasper. The memories of our shared days in the sun at the lake came washing back to the shoreline in my mind as the tears slid down my cheeks.

"I read that you married two years later and continued to follow your career. When I heard about Charlie's death—again, I couldn't help myself, and I flew to Arizona. I was pathetic, and you were married—you weren't mine, no matter how many sleepless nights I'd wished for you to be. You were with him, and only a selfish asshole would have made himself known. I just couldn't, but God, Isabella—"

A lone tear slipped down his cheek, and the tortured look in his eyes nearly broke me. I wanted to hold him, caress his face, hold his strong frame in mine, but I was frozen in my seat.

"I read about your injury a year later and your divorce in 2011, but then I lost track of you. You disappeared and I couldn't find you. That's when I began to write our story. I had to have something to hold onto. My agent said the manuscript was brilliant, but I balked at her comments and refused to have it published, at first. Then it hit me, you might read it and—"

"And what?" The tears continued to inch down my cheeks.

"I don't know. I didn't think you'd chuck it in the lake." He tried to lighten the heavy in the air like the Edward I remembered, but my tears didn't obey, they spilt for all of our losses. His eyes narrowed and he finished. "Our Lake. I just needed you to know. I've never stopped loving you. I've loved you every moment of every day for the last sixteen years from the first moment we ever spoke, Isabella. You."

I opened and shut my mouth several times in an attempt to convey my thoughts—only I couldn't seem to put them into words. I'd lived an entire lifetime during our years apart, years I spent with a poor substitute for love. Years without him. Years wondering. Lost years.

"You—" The word left my lips in a whisper.

He nodded.

"Oh … you dedicated the book to me?" My words ghosted over the realization that struck me.

"Of course. And you chucked it in _our_ lake."

The shrill of my ringing cell phone startled us, and I stood to answer the call.

"Hey," I answered, brushing the tears from my cheeks and clearing the emotion from my throat.

I glanced at Edward as he refreshed his cup of coffee and then hovered above mine in question, and I gave a slight nod. The easy movements brought so many memories to mind, and I briefly wondered what it would have been like to have shared all of our mornings together in such a serene manner. So natural. I had to look away.

"_Bella, where are you? I came by the hotel to pick you up."_

"I, uh. I'm out at the lake."

"_The lake? Your lake house?"_

"Uh, yeah."

Edward sat back down and smiled at me, softly.

"_Well, that's quite unexpected. Are you planning on being there long?"_

"I'm not sure."

"_You're being cryptic again. I thought you said you would never return to the lake?"_

"I guess I changed my mind. Look, Alice, I've got … company. Can I call you in a bit?"

"_Well, it's about time you little hussy. Sure, call me, but remember the rehearsal dinner is tomorrow at seven. You can bring your new friend if you'd like." _Alice giggled and hung up the phone.

"If I'm keeping you from something—" Edward began as I set my phone on the counter, in a daze.

"You're not." I shook my head. _Nothing was more important than this. _I refused to allow any more time slip between our grasp. We deserved the now after all this time.

"Good." His uneasy smile brought me a strange sense of comfort. We were in the midst of uncharted territory. Awkward and comfortable all at once; a dichotomy of brilliant proportions.

"So what brought you back to Seattle from New York?" I had to have more answers. I wanted to know every detail of every minute we'd lost.

"Last stop on my book tour." He shrugged a shoulder.

"Oh."

"How about you? What brought you here?"

"To Seattle or the lake?" I questioned.

"Both," he encouraged.

"Alice is getting remarried, she moved to Seattle six months ago with her fiancé Garrett and her son Whitlock."

"Whitlock? That was your brother's middle name. Is he—?"

"Jasper's? Yeah, though Jazz never got to see him. Alice was pregnant when Jasper died."

"How old is he?"

"Whit's ten, and he's a spitting image of Jasper. All legs, wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He's a good kid. I'm gonna miss not being close to them." The emotion crept up my throat again, and I sniffled and blinked back an errant tear.

"Miss them?"

"After my ankle injury a couple of years ago, I had to take a leave of absence from The Royal Ballet. That's when I realized my marriage was never anything more than a convenience. The long hours left little time for anything else. Turns out, art director and principal dancer was a match made for divorce." I forced a nervous laugh and fidgeted with my fingers. "So I moved back to the States. Alice and Whit were all that was left of my family, and I headed to Chicago to be near them. Alice had settled there after Jasper's death. She never cared for California."

"And now they've moved back here, to Seattle," Edward repeated.

"Yeah."

We sipped our cooling coffee and were content with the quietude for a moment. In the space between the silence, I could pretend we had the ending Ethan and Ella had in Edward's book—even if for a fleeting moment—as we sat with our coffee.

"What about the lake? How long's it been for you?" Edward continued to delve.

"The summer you didn't show."

"Oh." He lowered his gaze.

I just nodded and took another sip of coffee. "How about you?"

"I've brought Rose here a couple of times, and sometimes Dad and Esme join us."

"How are they?"

"They're good. They're still in the area. After the initial shit-storm settled that summer and I informed them I wasn't returning to Udub, they flew out to London to meet Rose. They fell in love with her as easily as I did. We all get together for the holidays and such."

"I'm sorry for what I said," I blurted.

"What do you mean?" Confusion marred his features.

"I just … I assumed."

"That I was dating Rose?" He chuckled, and the mirth in his eyes softened my irritation with his laughter at my expense. "God—I guess I could see how you'd have so little faith in me. But Christ, Rose just turned seventeen."

"Well, she looks like a very mature seventeen year old, Edward. You have to admit, you both are quite stunning to look at."

Edward tentatively reached across the table, my heart suddenly thrumming in my throat, and linked his long fingers with mine, inching closer.

"Jesus—I missed so much. I swear if I could have had you too, if we could've shared all those lost years together, you would no longer be self-conscious. I would have cherished you—worshiped you. I did worship you—Christ—if only from afar. Isabella, you are an extraordinary woman." He tightened his grip on my hand and tugged me to standing. "You're the stunning one, and you still take my breath away," he said as he paused, seeking permission to press his lips to mine.

All I could do was surrender.

This time we lost ourselves in the kiss. The searing heat and buried desire licked through me and lit my insides as his teeth bit into my flesh, validating the reality of our reunited tongues. Kissing Edward after all this time was better than I'd ever remembered or imagined it could be. Our mouths, neither one shy or inexperienced, knew one another and conveyed the love that blossomed at the lake all those years ago and refused to die. The love we shared at such a tender age was alive and smoldered within us for many unresolved years.

The screen door creaked, and we both jumped apart, gasping for breath as if caught by our parents. Only we were the adults, and it was Edward's daughter that caught us.

"So you finally told her?" Rose smirked, and the familiar look reminded me so much of her dad at the same age. Of course, now I could see it, the resemblance was clear as day.

"Mm hm." Edward gave his daughter the famous Cullen smirk right back.

"Well, it's about time. I'm going to fix lunch. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." She smiled at me as she wiggled her fingers to her dad and singsonged out of the small lake cottage's kitchen.

I began to giggle. "Oh my! Were we that sassy as teenagers?"

"Yeah, I believe we were." He smiled back at me and added a wink.

"So you talked about me, with your daughter?"

"Mm hm. Rose asked me a few years back why I was still alone, and I turned to stone. I couldn't seem answer her. It wasn't a simple answer. Then she asked me if I was gay. To which I almost fell over with laughter. But then she hit home when she asked if I'd ever been in love before. So I had no choice but to tell her all about you."

"You never married?"

Edward shook his head and again began closing the distance between us.

"Have you—" I almost felt ridiculous for asking and stopped mid-question as he neared.

But it was as if he could read my mind. "I'm a man, not a monk. I just kept that part of my life private and away from Rose. My body was all I had to offer because I knew I'd never give my heart to another."

Pressed firmly against me, man to woman, I was instantly reminded of our first experimental times and my overall novice back then. His romantic confession was overshadowed by his lustful, firm incentive, pressing up against me.

"I uh …" I swallowed, hoping to steady my resolve. "I bet not many saw your body as a consolation prize."

"Oh, yeah?" His tone turned gravelly and rough. "You uh … still eager to learn something?" His eyes hooded in the same sexy way they did when he was a teenager.

"I'm pretty sure I could teach you a thing or two by now, Mr. Cullen," I countered.

"Oh—" His deep chuckle reverberated beneath my flesh and sent a shudder through me. "I bet you can. You never cease to amaze me."

Without another word, we were nothing but a blur of innate need and desire. His hands rushed beneath the hem of my skirt, and he lifted me with ease. The hard planes to his body had matured and filled out, exhibiting a sensual playground beneath my fingers for me to explore. He nipped my neck with his teeth in exactly the right place that made my toes curl and my thighs tighten around him. We were busy shedding our clothes within seconds; we'd both waited for this reunion for far too long already. We were no longer kids.

"Christ Bella, you're so fucking sexy," Edward breathed, trailing his nose between my cleavage. He took me in perched on the edge of the counter before him. I'd inadvertently made a face, and typical Edward missed nothing. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Not nothing. Tell me," he insisted.

"It's just … that's the first time you've called me Bella since—"

"Oh. I'm sorry, I—"

"No, I like it! You just caught me off guard, you sounded exactly like—like the boy I first made love to."

Then he got a wicked glint in his eye and gave me a mind-obliterating kiss as he led us back to the small twin bed. "I may not be the boy you first made love to in this bed anymore, but I'd really like to be the last man in your bed forever, Bella. I never gave my heart to another because I'd left it with you. Always you. Only you."

_Damn he was good with his tongue in more ways than one._

* * *

**So this is almost the end of the road for these two. Maybe one more chapter. **

**As always, I'd love to know what you think. Thanks for reading!**


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